WARNING: Rating: Adult. Adult Situations. Adult Theme. Gross Humor. Adult Material.
Note: Oh, and don’t try this at home. These college girls are professionals.
Welcome to another episode of: The Farting College Women.
In this episode our three ladies are walking to a coffee shop to work on their homework. Well, what happened on the way, well you are just going to have to read.
Beth: I am damn tired of being put down all the time by those damn rich freaks in History Class. They only give me the time of day if they need help with their homework. They think the world owes them something, especially Muffy the leader of the group. Did you see what Muffy did last year with her computer? I will tell you what she did, she throw it away. Then this year she asked her daddy for a new one. I can’t believe that shit. I had to work all last summer just to buy my laptop.
Sandy: We can’t do anything about it, besides Muffy doesn’t know the true meaning of saving a buck. Hey, we know what it is like not to have the finer things in life. Society is just too damn unequal. The rich freaks keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer. The middle class, well we keep paying all the taxes.
Mandy: Didn’t Muffy’s dad get her out of a DUI? She went to rehab right?
Sandy: Rehab is the excuse for everything. I heard she made the jury at her trial think that she was the victim. Then she went to a rehab that was like a resort. What the fuck?
Beth: Look it’s Glassass-Buttkiss department store where all the rich freaks shop. You have to have an access card just to get in at that place.
Sandy: All they sell is over priced bullshit there. The rich freaks think that it is “all that”.
Mandy: I am going into that store and letting a big stinker over the Intercom. I am going to say my name out of my pretty butt if it is the last thing that I do.
Sandy: You can’t fart over the intercom; we will get thrown out and possibly arrested. I can’t afford to lose my scholarship.
Mandy: You won’t lose your scholarship, besides where is your sense of adventure? Come on let’s go and see if we can get in, besides it is the weekend. We can study tomorrow.
Beth: Sandy is right. We can’t get in there, and why would you want to fart over the intercom anyway? That is a stupid stunt.
Mandy: Because rich freaks think that their crap doesn’t stink and they think they are above the law. The Judicial system totally works “differently” for them. They can afford to buy themselves out of a jam, money talks in their world in a really big way. Look at all those SUV’s parked out front and those sports cars. I could pay for four years of college for what they paid for those cars.
Beth: I don’t envy rich freaks. It must be hard keeping a corn cob up your ass all day. Hell, I wouldn’t want one of those SUV’s; they get ten miles to the gallon.
Mandy: Why don’t we all fart over the intercom together?
Sandy: That would be a first time for me–farting over an intercom in a rich freak department store. I have gas.
Beth: Me too, but I am not farting over any intercom… no way.
The ladies walk to the entrance, a guy named Tyler is checking IDs.
Tyler: Hello ladies! Welcome to Glassass-Buttkiss department store, can I have your access card please?
Mandy: We forgot it.
Tyler: I can’t let you in without an access card. You three are not wearing the proper dress attire.
Beth: Yeah, Tyler we forgot our access card. We just got back from our vacation in Rome, and we lost our access card while we were swimming in the nude. These are the only clothes that we have clean since we got back.
Sandy: The beach was so hot, I went nude everyday. I have a nice tan all over my body, Tyler. I even shaved my bush just so I could be like everyone else on the beach.
Tyler: You went to a nude beach? Oh, that must have been cool.
Mandy: Do you want to see my tan, Tyler?
Tyler: No, I am already horney enough. Go ahead, they are paying me minimum wage anyway.
Chad: May I help…you three ladies? Didn’t Tyler tell you that you are wearing the wrong attire?
Beth: Yes, he did.
Sandy: He was such a nice guy to let us in to do some shopping.
Mandy: There is the Intercom.
Chad: Hey, you can’t use the Intercom because it is for employee use only. You three get out, NOW!
Mandy: Think of me as your best friend and you are lending us the phone. I just have to break wind and leave, I am so excited. Do you like what you see? Am I sexy enough, Chad?
Chad: Yes, I like what I see. But, the Intercom is off limits.
Manager: Chad line two! Chad line two for customer assistance in the man’s department.
Mandy: Come on Chad do you want to break wind with us? We can have a threesome, you, me and Sandy. We can all fart at the same time or take turns farting in the intercom; it is your choice. I call it a fartsome. Beth is a party pooper; she is just going to watch.
Beth: You damn right I am a party pooper.
Sandy: Mandy this is crazy. We are going to get busted.
Beth: Yeah, what are you doing?
Mandy: I am going to slip my pants off so you can see my panties Chad. Because, I am a real college woman. Do you like my see through panties, Chad? Do you see my muff, Chad? Isn’t it sexy!!
Sandy: How do you like her bikini see through panties, Chad?
Chad: I like them. I want them, oh please.
Beth: You two are crazy!!! I am not showing my panties. No, this is were I draw the line. I might fart in an assholes face, but I am not showing that guy my panties.
Mandy: What buttons do you press to use the Intercom? You panty freak Chad!
Chad: Press nine…three…six.
Chad: I am so horney. I have to go to the restroom, NOW!!!
Mandy presses the numbers. She takes her panties off and sticks her bare butt to the receiver and lets it all go.
Mandy: Good afternoon everyone, and thank you for shopping at Glassass-Buttkiss. I want everyone to know that I am going to let off a big ass fart over the intercom. The gas is building. Here it goes: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDYYYYY pooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SSSSSSSSSS!!! Heeeee!
Sandy pulls down her panties and puts her bare butt to the intercom, and let’s it go.
Sandy: You said your name out of your ass! Your Butt said Mandy. Let me try…poooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! oooooo!oooooooo! OOOOOOOOOO! SSSSSS!
The farts echo throughout the store. The intercom now has to be cleaned.
Beth: Sandy, what the fuck!!!!
Manager: Chad Code three, code three someone broke wind over the intercom.
The store becomes very quiet everyone looks at each other. Some people laugh and others just turn up their noses and walk out. Some blame others for the farts that went off over the intercom.
That evening:
News Man: Welcome to the nightly news. Today three college women went into Glassass-Buttkiss department store and farted over the intercom. Here is an interview with one of the customers that was in the store at the time.
Interviewer: Is it true you were buying a three-thousand dollar his and her noise trimming kit?
Anthon: Yes, I was buying my wife a noise trimming kit, and some fart filters, and a four thousand dollar diamond plated toilet plunger. And all of a sudden I heard this gross noise and everyone started blaming one another. Then I heard this silly little laugh, and then the manager called a code three over the Intercom. It was chaos, and I am so hurt. I have never heard farts so disgusting in my life. I am going to need counseling.
Interviewer: We asked another customer and she had this to say.
Diane: I hope they catch those tarts that broke wind in the store today. I have never heard a fart released in my presents. Damn those heathens.
Interviewer: We interviewed a couple of the employees and they had this to say.
Tyler: They looked like they were nice, so I let them in.
Chad: They were wearing nice sexy panties, and had some real nice bodies. I am so horney. I could just…
Interviewer: We had to edit the rest of the interview.
The manager had this to say.
Manager: we are not pressing charges, because all they did was break wind. But, the next time they come in the store they will be in a lot of trouble. We do have a counselor on duty to help customers deal with this tragedy.
News Man: Now you know what’s going on first. In other news…
The three college women watched the news and giggled their asses off.
FIN
