The Configuration… Chapter 1 the new body of Mr. Riggs!

18 02 2007

You have cancer Mr Riggs, it has spread all over your body. Your brain is the only organ not affected. There is nothing else that we can do. All we can do now is give you pain medication, and your insurance only covers one type of pain medication. Doctor can you give me a stronger medication? I am in lots of pain. Yes, Mr Riggs I know , but your insurance only covers one type. I am afraid that we can’t up the dose, it is already too much.

Doctor can you bend the rules just one time? Please, I beg of you. Nurse give him his evening dose of morphine. It is not working Doctor!! Stop screaming Mr. Riggs and take your medication, I will be back in the morning.

Nurse can’t you just give me another pain medication. It is my sons birthday tomorrow and I want to enjoy it without pain. Sorry, Mr. Riggs I have to give you your normal pain medication. It doesn’t work!! Yes, I have heard that one before. Are you going to let me give you your pain medication? Because, if not you can just suffer. Yes, give me the medication. Nurse after you give him his medication, I want to speak with you. Yes, doctor Heckle. The nurse gives Mr. Riggs his pain medication. Then she leaves him, meeting the doctor in the hall.

Nurse you know that Mr. Riggs is terminal, and there is no hope for him. He might have a week, maybe less. We shouldn’t waste our time on him, because there is no hope. He is already costing this hospital too much money. How can we make money with terminal patients around? I want any nurse on duty including myself to only give him his pain medication when he asks for it. Yes, doctor. He asks for it all the time. I want him screaming for it. His insurance is shit, and it only covers a small part of his expenses. Yes, doctor Heckle.

That night Mr. Riggs had a dream. He dreamed that he was taken away from his hospital bed and wheeled into a room. The room was filled with all kinds of strange equipment: computers, severs, and medical lab equipment. The equipment wasn’t setup to do normal medical procedures. There was equipment for monitoring vital signs, and a lab for doing testing. There was a cluster of servers, and then racks of computers all around. What really freaked him out was, there was another body hooked up to machines beside him. It was a fully grown adult male. It didn’t have a face and showed no response to any external stimuli, but it was alive. There were nurses and doctors all around Mr Riggs, but they said nothing. He didn’t ask questions. They hooked his head up to a computer he felt a sharp pain and then nothing.

He thought to himself the nurse must have given him too much morphine, but this was no morphine trip. He could feel himself leaving his body. He no longer felt any of his limbs or extremities. The pain was gone. He felt at peace with the world. His thoughts were still there. His memories were still there. His experiences were still there, but his physical body was gone. He was out of his body, and all he felt was energy all around him. It was like an out of body experience but better. He didn’t hover over his body like the traditional accounts of an out of body experience. He just felt like he was contained in a environment filled with energy.

He stayed in that state for some time. He felt no need to move or go anywhere. He was just suspended in animation. He had no concept of time or what the date was. There was no need to know any of that stuff. He felt like he just was, and not what he could be. Then he felt himself move at a very fast rate. He felt bits and pieces of himself slip away each thought, each experience slipping away. He held on to his last thought and then it went away like a light turning off. The weird part is his felt himself come back together into his body, or was it his body?

He woke up from the strange dream that he just had. He had a slight head ache, but he was alive. He looked at his hands and his arms. He felt no pain. He looked at the clock on the wall, and it said eight o’clock. His normal time for getting up. The nurse would be coming in soon to give him his pain medication, and his wife and son would be there at eight thirty. He felt really good. He looked at himself in the mirror, his face still looked the same, but there was one thing. The scare under his right eye was gone, and his tattoo from his service days was gone also. He didn’t care he just felt really good.

Good morning Mr. Riggs. Good morning Anne. How are you this morning? I am fine. I don’t need any pain medication this morning. Mr. Riggs are you sure? Yes, Anne. You look really good this morning Mr. Riggs. Thank you Anne. I can’t explain it. I feel like a new person. Mr, Riggs it is probably the morphine wearing off from last night. Anne this is no morphine trip. Well, have a good day Mr. Riggs. I will check on you later. The doctor will be in to see you in a few minutes.

Hello Mr. Riggs. Hello doctor. How are you this morning. I heard your wife and son will be in at eight thirty. Yes, it is my sons birthday today. Well, that is nice Mr. Riggs. I have your test results from last weeks tests. You only have a week, maybe more. You might want to tell your wife today and you son. Hey, wasn’t there a scare under your right eye? Yes, but it is gone this morning. Ok, whatever you spend time with your family and I will make the arrangements to have you sent home tomorrow. But, isn’t there anything that you can do doctor? I want to be well again. I am sorry Mr. Riggs you are terminal and I am sending you home to pass away. But! Don’t say it Mr. Riggs you can pass away here occupying a bed, or you can do it at home just the same. Doctor why do you treat me this way? If I were a rich freak that had money, you wouldn’t send me home. The cancer is making you delusional Mr. Riggs. Do I need to call security? No. I am ok. I just want to be well again. You all do Mr. Riggs, but sometimes there is no hope. You enjoy your family and forget about your illness.

Mr. Riggs spent the day with his family. He walked and ran with his son and wife all day. He wasn’t acting like someone that was destined to die. It was like he didn’t have cancer at all. The doctors and nurses noticed too. Especially Doctor Heckle, the doctor that had sealed his fate. That night after his family left he ate dinner and didn’t request any Morphine. The next day his wife picked him up. Instead of him being wheel chaired out of the hospital he walked out on his own two feet.

That evening it was just him and his wife at home. He had so much energy, and wanted to take a shower with her. He just wanted to hold her, something that he hadn’t done for sometime. He turned on the water, and the water was just right. He took off his clothes and walked into the shower. And a few minutes later she came in and undressed. He hadn’t seen her naked body for a long time. Her breasts and the curve of her body excited him. They hugged and kissed each other both with tears in their eyes. He loved every inch of her naked body, and it felt so good next to his. He was just glad that he got the chance to be next to her again. They stayed in the shower kissing and hugging until the hot water ran out. They got out of the shower and made love all night sharing each others pleasure until the morning light.

Mr. Riggs is still alive. The cancer totally left his body for good. They did several tests and couldn’t find any trace of cancer or the tumors that had once plagued his body. What happened to Mr. Riggs? Why was he given a second chance at life? And who was the person or persons responsible for his recovery, and why?
End of chapter 1





The Jerk with asshole syndrome…

14 02 2007

There is a jerk in your home town and he has asshole syndrome. He plays it cool and drives a great car wears the in clothes. He has credit card debt and is near bankrupt. But, on the outside he seems normal. He seems to be the caring boyfriend until you get a disease from him or until you become a victim to his assholeness. His bi-polar issues are not apparent. His Prozac breath is covered up by breathe freshener. His is ignorant by design, and is scared of educated women or educated people in general.

He is also jealous of small animals and drives his car past his love interests house 5000 times a day because he is insecure. He cries on the phone when he hasn’t taken his medication, and he wants an ex back. He comes to visit after he has broken up with those that he was dating to call another person that he is dating to make them jealous. He makes you feel sorry for him and then he gets his way. He always has to prove that he is a man, but in reality he is a mouse inside. He drinks way too many beers and then goes driving, and then visits the person that he is dating.

When he is drunk he becomes the ultimate asshole. There is no cure for asshole syndrome. You can blame asshole syndrome on family. You can blame it on society. It might be a little of both, but there is no stopping asshole disease (asshole syndrome). This disease affects thousands of people, it is a sickness that is spreading all over the world. When you encounter a person with this disease open your eyes and leave him. I have had friends that have fallen prey to asshole disease.





Insecure Jerk Syndrome…

14 02 2007

This is a story about a now forty five year old man, but I can’t call him a man. He has insecure jerk syndrome. I am sure that you know someone who has insecure jerk syndrome. Symptoms include: calling at all hours of the night, pulling the phone out of the wall, jealousy of small animals. Mass crying on the phone, bi-polor disorder, mass Ceil phone calling and coming over to ex-flames apartments calling the new flame to make them jealous. Oh, and not to mention high speed road antics, and nightly trips to the bar.

My friend was dating this guy and he is the poster man for Jerk Syndrome. This guy was a real winner he had a bad family background, and couldn’t seem to take the blame for his actions. He loved to cry. He called one time and my friend was talking to him I could hear him crying away (waaaaaaa). There is nothing wrong with crying, but his cries were caused by beer, his bi-polar disorder and his inability to have any type of thought for anyone else but himself. It was funny he was crying huge tears, but he threatened to kick anyone’s ass who talked to my friend. I can just see him at home crying these huge tears like the little asshole that he was, what a freak.

My friend broke off the relationship and that is when the stalking and phone calls started at all hours of the night. He was one of the those guys that had to have love, and someone to control. The other day I saw the guy all I could do is laugh. He looked the other way pretending like he didn’t know me. What a asshole. I don’t feel sorry for those who have jerk syndrome, because once a jerk always a jerk. It is an incurable sickness.

Those who have this sickness hide in the shadows of the Normalcy. They are full of bullshit, and lies. Those with jerk syndrome see women as something to control. Women are human beings and no one can own another human being. But, those with jerk syndrome have no concept of when to stop. Now for the fun part a small play based on true events that happened in my friends relationship.

It is a fall day just like any other. The birds are singing and the clouds are floating softly above. The phone rings and it is him. She broke up with him and now he wants to get her back, but she doesn’t want him back. These events happened when I was in college seven or eight years ago. She talked to me about the problems and the play below is based on an incident that she told me about. We were really worried about her.

The phone: Ring, Ring, Ring!!

My friend walks over to the phone and picks up the receiver.

My Friend: Hello..

Jerk: Aaaaaaaaa! I am depressed. I miss you aaaaaa! Please can I come over. aaaaaaaaa! ….Please don’t tell me no! We have a…. I will never be bad again.

My Friend: We are done. I do not want to speak with you. I have a lot of homework.

Jerk: Why, I thought that you loved me. No, one loves me…aaaaaa! I am worthless.

My friend: Yes, you are I don’t feel sorry for you.

Jerk: I am going to the bar and get drunk and then….aaaaa

My friend: Then what? Come over here and make my life hell.

Jerk: aaaaaaa! Click!

An hour passes by and I she goes out. She comes back and there he is in her driveway waiting drunk.

Jerk: Where were you? I ha..v…e been waiting an hour.

My friend: Why should you care? We are done.

Jerk: I asked you where we….r..e you?

My friend unlocks the door and butthole follows her.

Jerk: I sti..l..l. have feelings for you.

My friend: The beer is talking now get out!!

Jerk: No…

The phone rings. It is a friend. She talks, but asshole will not let her talk long. He pulls the phone out of the wall.

Jerk: You listen we are supposed to be together. You don’t listen to me I am messed up aaaaaa!

Once again he is crying. The bastard can’t even stand up and he is crying aw that is too bad.

My friend: Get out.

Jerk: No.

My friend then goes for a walk up the block with her cat. But, he follows her in the car.

Jerk: You love that cat more than me. I want you to get rid of that cat.

My friend: No, she is all that I have.

Jerk: Get in the car, leave that cat.

My friend keeps walking….The guy is jealous of a cat. That is where the insecure part comes in, that is stupid. He was jealous of a cat, what kind of stupid jerk is jealous of a cat. My friend runs back to her apartment and locks the door. The guy stays outside for a while crying and banging on the door and then he leaves. He continues to give her trouble until she moves. Other incidents: driving past her house, showing up drink more times, showing up at her work, calling her work bothering her any chance he got. Here is a final thought if you are in a relationship and it doesn’t seem right leave it there is no reason to stay in it. Jerk syndrome is an epidemic. I am sure that Jerk has made more women’s lives hell since then. Women no man is worth a life of hurt, choose your men wisely. If you don’t want a man that is fine too.





Movie Stars…

13 02 2007

Movie stars who are they? Well, they are people just like the rest of us. However, the media tends to put them above the “normal people”, and they put themselves above the normal people. They go into politics and they have their little causes, because they have the money to do these things. Some even gain fake accents, they are always playing a role. They buy over priced toys, and some have no talent at all they just look pretty. I am not saying all movie stars are bad, in fact there are many that are very talented.

They get married just because it seems right at the time. Mr. P and Ms A is a great example. They stared in a movie called Mr. and Mrs. Smith a stupid movie, but that is another story. My point is that the movies title had Mr. and Mrs, so I guess both actors imagined that they were married and hooked up. There are many such on screen tragedies that happen this way. Now, Mr. P is in love, and so is Ms A.

Hollywood love is not like normal love Hollywood love means only for a few months, hours, seconds or maybe two or three years. I am not saying all star marriages end up in divorce court, but many do.





Reality Shows

13 02 2007

Reality shows in reality are not real. It seems that washed up stars, and the rich can have these so called Reality shows. I don’t like watching them on normal shows much less their reality show. Reality shows are for people that have no talent what so ever, all they have to do is cry and whine about how bad they have it. Here is another question that I ask myself if people on these shows have it so bad then why don’t they just leave the show. Well, here is the truth they are so vain, and like to be seen having emotional break downs and moments of mania. Here is a word of advice to reality show participants: GET A LIFE.

I don’t care how these people feel and I could care less if they are having marital problems, or they can’t handle their house roommates or their alcohol. Who cares, none of us will ever meet these people. I don’t care if they have drinking problems, or have insecurities. Who cares who wins or loses? The bottom line here is that crap sells and it sells good. Until the Next time keep it real. GRUS.





The Pumper–(An Exercise Machine Satire. This is not Real.)

13 02 2007

This is a satire about an exercise machine:

Pump up yourself with the Pumper. You will notice big changes in you in just three days. Our debt creating machine not only adds stress to your pocketbook, but it can cause serious health problems to your back, legs, and torso. There are over three hundred thousand back breaking exercises guaranteed to send you straight to the emergency room. Use the Pumper everyday with a daily dose of steroids, and you will see irreversible changes to your body right before your very eyes: bed wetting, liver problems, and a smaller cock.

The Pumper only costs fifty thousand dollors with ten thousand “easy” payments of five dollars, by the time you get it paid off you will have sold it for three dollars at a yard sale. There are no money back guarantees, we just made this product to make money, and to exploit the public. Shipping and handling are not free, but if you call in the next five minutes, we will give you a free back brace, and a colostomy bag with flowers on it absolutely free.

Here are a couple of our happy customers:

I used to pumper along with steroids. Look how huge I am all the women love me too bad they are all over seventy years, because now I am recovering from a prolapse of my ass in a rest home. Thank you pumper.

I used to be fat, but now I am thin. I used the Pumper everyday and took a daily dose of steroids. I had to have an ass replacement and my colon removed. Thank you pumper.

Don’t be fooled by those other exercise machines like: Bull-o-crap, and The prolapser. Buy the one and only Pumper today.





The Red Carpet Fart

13 02 2007

There once was an actress who thought she was the bomb until she throw a fart on the red carpet. She bought the most expensive dress and her movie was nominated for an award. All the big stars were there. But, she lost it all when the wind was broken. This is her story:

Host: Hello Actress how are you this evening?

Actress: I am fine how about you?

Host: I hear your movie is going to take top honors tonight.

Actress: Yes, I am the bomb the movie would not have made it without me.

(Pose) (Smile) (Flash, Flash)

Host: Yes, well have a good time.

Actress: I will.

Host: Good.

The actress keeps walking there is flashing all around her.

Door escort: Can I open the door for you?

Actress: Yes, and you can take my coat. (She throws the coat at him).

Door Escort: What a snob.

Actress: What did you say?

Door Escort: I said what a mob.

Actress: I thought that is what you said. I can’t have people walking around saying the wrong things. After all you are just a door Usher and I an Actress.

Door Escort: You think you are an Actress your last film was bad. You can’t act all you can do in look pretty and use your emotions and hope that you get it right. You are nothing but a sad lonely human that is addicted to pain pills and plastic surgery. You are no different that the rest of us, you just got lucky.

Actress: I beg your parden. I will have you fired. You will never work in this town again.

Door Escort: I work for the union, you can’t fire me.

Actress: Just seat me. I have to get ready for my magic moment.

(The Usher walks her to seat.)

Door Escort: If you would just stop trying to be better than everyone else you would have more friends.

Actress: I have friends.

Door Escort: Friends that you can pay off. People are greedy they use those who they think have power and can further their careers.

Actress: Shut up.

Door Escort: Well, here we are a seat 10 b. I would ask for a tip, but that is beyond you.

Actress: Yea, well have a nice day. I have plenty of friends.

Door Escort: Ok, keep telling yourself that.

Actress: The door usher could be right, I might not have any friends. Oh, I have such bad gas. I shouldn’t have eaten all those fried cheese sticks. I think I need to go to that fart doctor, the one the Smiths go to.

Host: Welcome to the show. We will be nominating many movies tonight. Actress is here as our guest speaker. She is going to be talking about movies past and present.

(The Camera scans in on her the sounds of claps can be heard).

Host: Please welcome Actress.

Actress: Good evening everyone. Tonight I am going to be talking about movies that have warmed our hearts and darkened our realities. Movies are about humanity. They come from the writers mind and then are manifested into movie magic. What makes a good movie? What do people like to see? (POOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!) Oh, I am so sorry.

(The crowd is silent, a few chuckles can be heard.)

Actresses ass: Poooooooooo! Poooooooooooooooooo! I want to you all to know that now I will be heard. I am coming around like a bad apple that is rotting on the ground. You look at me on her films, you see me in tight jeans but do you all really know who I am. PooooooooooooooooooooooooooooP! Looooopooopooop.

Actress: Shut up. Stop making a fool of me.

Actresses Ass: You have driven me to this. You always act like you have a lump of coal up me. I am your ass and I must release my inner reality into the world. Because, you see Actress is no different than any of you viewers. She just thinks that she is better. Her crap stinks just like everyone elses.

Actress: Why are you doing this.

Actresses Ass: I am doing this because Hollywood needs to know. All of you in this room have some type of better than everyone else syndrome. You all help with causes, because you can. You have money. You say you are ahead, you all live in fake world. You can’t make the real world work, and very few of you can make marriages work. It is sick I tell you. People listen to you all, because you play the part.

Actress: Look I didn’t tell my ass to talk. It just happened. I am a good actress. I can act. (POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

The crowd smells her loud fart filled with the smell of rotting flesh and Carrots.

Actresss Ass: I bet you never thought you would hear words coming from an ass. Well, everyone I am here. Actress may have won an award, but she doesn’t deserve it. She works for the good of herself and not for the good of the people. I wouldn’t watch one of her movies, but I am attached to her. I have to deal with her eastern diet treatments and explosive gas that could make a fly choke.

Actress: Why me? I can’t do this speech I am not well.

Actresss Ass: I know you are not. But, you still keep this fake reality that makes no sense. You are Hollywood. You only talk to people in the business, you donot talk to people outside your social status. I guess that in the owners manual of how to be a Hollywood actress/ actor.

Host: You time is up Actress. We need to get you and your butt off stage.

Actress Ass: Ok, but not without this word of advice. You are all human. Social status is a fake reality manifested by human society to create a false sense of power over others. Acting is just an act to make a buck, and not to free the world.

Host: Cut to comercial now!

The end.