Hypocrite Love Story…

29 04 2007

There was once a couple. This couple had a “conditional love”, and their love was centered around certain boundaries and complications. You see her parents wanted him (the boyfriend) to become a conformist to their “organization”, and he wouldn’t. I am not going to name the organization. This “organization” loves ultimate power and control, and they love to know where their members are at all times.

This couple came from two different worlds he came from a middle class family and she from an affluent family. She and her brothers and sisters were raised to think they are better then everyone else, and they all have issues. Her parents, well they are so full of themselves, they love controlling their kids lives and everyone else’s. They are what you might call self-righteous smug hypocrites. Yes, self-righteous smug hypocrites. I am sure they think their farts don’t stink.

In the beginning of the relationship everything seemed fine. But, as the days went by the relationship developed issues. Her family invited him (the boyfriend) to their organization and wanted him to get interested with it’s philosophy. They even sent out drones of the word to make him join oh and they were persistent. Well, months of this went by, and they still couldn’t get him to join. They even had members of their organization spy on him at work.

Then her parents resorted to saying things about the boyfriend, like he will never finish college and he will always work in a store at low wages. Because, you see money and status were everything with them. You see these people have an attitude, and they truly believe that they are righteous and pure.

Their concept of open mindedness is if it falls within their “beliefs”, and if open mindedness falls outside of their “beliefs” then they don’t go for that. You see the couple broke up, and the parents got their way. Her parents won, and you see they hate to lose. There are people out there that have to win at any cost.

The problem here is that people can get so “self-righteous” and  develop a “purity complex””, that they truly believe that they are better than everyone else. Then they begin oppressing others that are not like them. People that control others and make others do what they want them to do have insecurity issues, power issues, and a possible mental illness.

Be careful out there, this is grus saying if something is too good to be true it probably is and should be approached with caution.  Peace.





Marx_x and Prissie Alt Guy… (Warning: Adult Theme)

28 04 2007

Prissie Alt guy: I am a gift to all the women of this world. I think I will go see the Poor me Medicine freaks concert tonight at the Colosseum. I am going to wear my sunglasses and show everyone that I am such a stud. I think I will walk my dog, and wear my “in” clothes and show the world how sophisticated and different that I am. Hey, after all my shit doesn’t stink.

Somewhere across town at the concert.

Marx_x: I can’t believe that I got stuck at this stinky social function — Damn poor me band events they suck.

Prissie Alt Guy arrives at the concert.

Prissie Alt guy: What are you doing here Marx_x? You are much too uncool to be here. I am the ultimate alt guy. Look at my sunglasses, look at my dog, damn I am cool and hot. Hey, look at my cool pants and my shirt that says “peace”, because I am all about the environment and world peace,  and to top it off I drove here in my big ass SUV.

Marx_x: You are such a conformist and a hypocrite. You are a carbon copy of the latest poor me alt rock scene, and you only support environmental causes because it makes you look good and it’s the “in” thing to do.

Prissie Alt Guy: There is nothing wrong with liking alt bands. They are way more cool than you. Their words come from their tormented spherical reality.

Marx_x: No, they are pre-manufactured capitalist record company puppets. I am sorry, but those poor me alt-bands are nothing but a bunch of guys/gals that have nothing better to do but feel sorry for themselves.

Prissie Alt Guy: You are greatly mistaken, their music gives a great message that it is OK to feel sorry for yourself and to blame others for your mistakes, and let the whole world know about it.

Marx_x: No, it goes to show that poor me crap sells. The message that they should be giving is that people need to take responsibility for their actions and stop feeling sorry for themselves.

Prissie Alt Guy: Oh, here comes the lead singer of the poor me medicine freaks. He is so sensitive and different.

Marx_x: You keep telling yourself that Prissie Alt Guy. You keep telling yourself that.

Lead Singer: What are you two looking at damn it where is my beer? Get me a beer. I want to get trashed. Damn I am already drunk off my ass. Where is my assistant?

Prissie Alt Guy: What about your feelings? What about your sensitive side?

Lead Singer: Do you think that I live by the message that our music teaches? Hell, no! I am in it for the cash and the women. Do you think that we write my own songs, the music company does all for us, all we have to do is look pretty. We are a pre-manufactured alt band. Hell the music company put us together and taught us how to play our instruments and  the rest is history.

Marx_x: See, what did I tell you Prissie Alt Guy.

Lead singer: See you fruit loops later, Prissie Alt guy you are such a smock.

Prissie Alt Guy: Well, I refuse to believe this crap. He is out of his mind Marx_x, and drunk off his ass. I don’t know why that I am telling you this, you don’t give a crap about anything.

Marx_x: Yeah I do give a crap about somethings, I know when music sucks ass.

Prissie Alt Guy: You may know your music, but this band rocks ass and they are not always like this I am sure.

Marx_X: He is trashed alright. I am sure the record company is making sure that they keep him and the rest of the band drunk off their asses. This is how the record company rips them off, they keep the beer and wine coming, and before the band knows it, it is poor and the record company is richer. .

Prissie Alt Guy: I am sure the record company isn’t like that. The Poor me medication freaks are about their music they are about sorrow, human pain and misfortune.

Marx_x: Well, Prissie Alt guy they are a pre-manufactured band that play on people’s emotions, just like he said. The record company made them have a gimmick so that they can sell records.

Prissie Alt Guy: No, they are real people that have real problems. Even the clothes they wear are real, they aren’t some kind of gimmick.

Marx_x: They are real alright. They are real right now, and in ten years the band members that you love so much will be fat and forgotten.

Prissie Alt Guy: You are just jealous that you didn’t end up with a successful music career like the poor me medicine freaks.

Marx_x: Yeah, I am just busting with envy. I don’t want to be here I should be studying for the my big final next week.

Prissie Alt Guy: Forget about studying, I am in college for the social time fuck studying. My parents are paying my way through. I have all the money that I need, and all the time in the world that I want.

Marx_x: Yeah, that is why you are at this concert for the fun. I have to work at this concert to help put myself through school.

Prissie Alt Guy: What is that supposed to mean Marx_x, some people are just luckier than others. You are such a fatalist.

Marx_x: Well, have a fun time. I am through talking to you.

Prissie Alt guy’s dog: I want to go with Marx_x, he seems like he is more stable. I don’t want to get barfed on by a bunch of wannabe fans.

Prissie Alt Guy: Mr. pussy you can talk. You can talk.

Prissie Alt Guy’s Dog: Hell, yeah I can talk I am tired of your bragging about me and dragging me to these “functions”. I am out of here, untie me at once you bastard.

Marx_x: You heard the dog, untie him he doesn’t want to be here.

Prissie Alt Guy: I am not drunk yet, am I?

Marx_x: I have to say it I don’t believe it either, but your dog talks and I don’t think that he likes you anymore.

Prissie Alt Guy: Mr. Pussy I have been there for you since you were just a wee little pup.

Prissie Alt Guy’s Dog: It still doesn’t change things I want out of this ego infested trip that I have been on for the last two years. I am going with Marx_x.

Prissie Alt Guy: Why you little bastard! You haven’t heard the last of me. I won’t let you get away with this Mr. Pussy.

Marx_x: What kind of name is Mr. Pussy, poor pooch?

Prissie Alt Guy: I am a gift to women, so I thought his name was appropriate. He has been a huge part of my image in picking up women.

Marx_x: I am going to free Mr. Pussy from this sick surrogate relationship, poor dog.

Prissie Alt Guy’s dog: I am out of here, come on Marx_x.

 Prissie Alt Guy:  Come back here. I can get all the women without you, you flea infested ball of fur.

Marx_x and Mr. Pussy leave. Prissie Alt Guy goes to the concert.

 Prissie Alt Guy: Hello, have you been here long.

Lady: Where is you dog?

Prissie Alt Guy: Dog? What are you talking about? I don’t have a dog.

Lady: Yeah, you do isn’t his name Mr. Pussy?

Ladies Friend: Yeah, he is such a funny dog, he has class. You on the other hand are just a player. You did my friend last week at my party. 

Prissie Alt Guy: I did?

Ladies Friend: Yes, you did. It is pretty bad when you can’t remember who you did.

Song in the background:

I am sick.
I hurt real bad.
I am depressed, depressed, depressed.
My bi-polorness is getting the best of me. Me. Me.
Oh me. me. me. me. It is all about me.
I want to cry, because I can’t take the blame for my own actions.
Why can’t I. Why can’t I.
It’s everyone elses fault. fault.
AHHHH!!!!

People put their lighters up and chant Depression.

Prissie Alt Guy hangs his head and cries.  

Lady: See you later, don’t let the bed bugs bite when you are sleeping all alone tonight.

Prissie Alt Guy: I am going to get someone to help me warm my my bed tonight. Don’t you worry about that.

Ladies Friend: Yeah, well good luck.

The concert finishes and Prissie Alt guy leaves with no one. He hangs his head down in shame as he climbs into his SUV and drives away. You may ask what happened to Mr. Pussy? He is living with Marx_x and having a happy life. Marx_x did him a favor by changing his name to Max.

 You see that are all kinds of people like Prissie Alt Guy, people that think they are better than everyone else. They have a cause because it is the “in” thing to do, and follow the latest fade to be accepted and cool. Here is a word of advice, just be yourself.

FIN

This is Grus saying be safe.





Egotistical insecure Guys Farting in the Wild…(not a real film, it’s a satire)

20 04 2007

See beer drinking freaks farting in the most crazy obscene places. See them farting at bar’s with their mistresses and then running off to the restroom because they pooped their pants. See them blowing huge stinky ass butt blowers at political campaigns, frat parties, dinner parties, and in their new SUV on their way to the country club. Watch their rich freak girlfriends give them the cold shoulder, as they let gas go at an important dinner party causing people to blame each other.

See these Egotistical guys have emotional moments as they freely let Prozac induced farts  in their three hundred dollar jeans. It is a damn tragedy. These guys cry their asses off because they ruined their pants and their reputation. It is drama at it’s finniest. There is so much butt blowing action you won’t want to stop watching. You will also see hot steamy love making scenes that end with premature ejaculation and then a huge ass report. It is not  physical  premature ejaculation, their tool is working just fine. It is because these egotistical guys are are so selfish that they only care about their cum moment an no one else’s.

See these insecure power freaks fart while they are being kicked out of their girlfriends house, and then fart again while they are being arrested for being an asshole. These guys are sick and full of lies and deceit, the only thing they can do is blow air out of their asses. Their asses tell the truth even though they can’t.

Get Egotistical Insecure Guys Farting in the Wild today.





In$urance: a greed infested philosophy…

10 04 2007

This is a cute little short about the sick concept called in$urance. Yes, well not everyone has it, but everyone should be able to get it. It is shame that people are going without, everyone should be able to live in peace without the worry of health issues. And if they have issues everyone should have some way to help pay for their problems. You see there are millions of people that can’t afford in$urance and no one seems to care about them. Private in$urance providers aren’t making the grade.

Characters:

In$urance Mon$ter: An evil bastard powered by capitali$m.

Consumer: Everyone that is forced to pay huge fee$.

In$urance Mon$ter: I am a greed infested infection full of loopholes and puss filled false positives.

Consumer: But, what if I get in an accident? What will I do?

In$urance Mon$ter: You will fend for yourself. It is someone else’s fault not mine.

Consumer: I can’t afford my in$urance this month you have upped the fee$.

In$urance Mon$ter: Then you will pay a penalty, and if you don’t pay we will have your in$urance ripped away from you. He, he, he, he…woo, ha, ha, ha: All the better to screw you out of your life savings deary.

Consumer: Hey, Monster you sure want your money, but are not willing to lift a finger to help us the consumer when we are in need.

In$urance Mon$ter: That is the capitali$tic way. We are only in it for the money, power, and greed.

Consumer: I guess I will have to find some other way.

In$urance Mon$ter: Yes, I guess you will, hey as long as you keep the money rolling in we don’t care about you. You are just a number.

You see this is the problem with in$urance providers. They are so quick to collect the ca$h, but are slow in helping those in need. This is Grus saying be safe.





The Assblasteroids: The Assblasteroids go to a Political Rally…

7 04 2007

Characters:

The Assblasteroids: The most powerful beings alive.

The Asslasteroids are Sphincter and Anus.

Grey Buttkiss: A big bag of hot air politician.

It is a nice Sunday afternoon for the political scene. People are at their homes eating Sunday dinner. Their favorite political candidate is trying to ass kiss his way into a political position of power. He is about to speak. He is about to give one of his infamous canned speeches. The people are poised to listen to him. But, little did everyone know that the assblasteroids would be making an appearance at his speech in a really big way.

TV Announcer:Welcome the worlds greatest political rally. In just a few minutes candidate Grey Buttkiss will be taking the stage. He is ready to take on the challenges that affect this country, and is the best man for the job. Well, without further introduction Grey Buttkiss.

Crowd: Clapping.

People watching: Clapping.

Grey Buttkiss: Hello everyone!! How are you feeling today? I just had a vision, it was a warm vision. It made me feel all fuzzy inside. I want to give everyone insurance regardless of class. I don’t want to raise taxes, or exploit other countries for their natural resources. I don’t want to do what I want to do. I want to do what you want me to do. I am not in it for the power and self gratification. I want to be the man of the people. It is true I am from the upper class (A Rich Freak), but I can come to your level. It is true I don’t know what it is like to be poor or know when my next meal is coming, but I can learn.

The Assblasteroids: Hello ladies and gentleman. We are the assblasteroids the most powerful beings in the world. We are here to give Mr Buttkiss gas of pure magnitude. His ass will be nearing critical mass very shortly.

Grey Buttkiss: I don’t know what you two are talking about. I don’t get gas. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. We rich freaks don’t get ass burners.

Anus: Sure you do Mr. Buttkiss. You blow them just like the rest of us.

Crowd: Boo! Boo!

Sphincter: Look Mr buttkiss, your crowd is booing you. That is shame. I am sure you feel an overwhelming sadness that you are slowly losing power. You rich people are not above others, you think you are better than everyone else because you have spending power and control over society.

Anus: Yes, they are booing you not clapping for you. Your true colors are showing they now know you are human. Your intentions are not quite what you say they are, now speak the truth Grey Buttkiss.

Grey Buttkiss: Security, get these unpatriotic fools.

Security guy: Not for six dollars an hour, and besides they stink like butt bombs.

Sphincter: Security will not help you now. It is time to embarrass you, and expose you for the fruit loop that you really are. Do you understand Mr. Buttkiss?

Grey Buttkiss: You Assblasteroids have ruined my secret plan for world domination!! I want to rule the world. I want to be the number one dictator of the masses. I want to give tax breaks to my rich friends and get my wife the plastic surgery that she deserves. I want to base my leadership on deception and lies.

Sphincter: See you have ruined yourself mister buttkiss. We manifested a truth thought into your corruptible mind. You spook your true intentions that you covered up with your sugar and spice political speeches.

The crowd: Silent.

People Watching: Changing the channel.

Grey Buttkiss: The people love me. There is no stopping me. I am the man next door! I the type of guy that you want over for Sunday dinner!

Anus: I am afraid that Sunday dinner gave you gas and it will be your downfall.

Sphincter: I am afraid you will have a skid mark after all this is over…in your underwear.

Anus: Now, you are about to throw an Ass-blaster of great magnitude. You butt is nearing critical mass.

Grey Buttkiss: No…you fools. I can feel that gas building inside. I shouldn’t have eaten those fish eggs, and drank that wine that the special interest groups gave me. Oh, my here it comes.

Grey’s ass:pooooooooooooo! ooooooooooooo! ooooooooooo! shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
00000000! lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Sphincter:Yes, Mr Buttkiss do you feel the love? Do you feel the passion? Do you feel the gas expanding between your legs.

Anus: Oh, he feels it in a really big way.

Mr. Buttkiss runs off the stage holding his butt. He ruined his five hundred dollar underwear with a fart bomb. His wife is making a run for the limo hiding her head in shame.

TV Announcer:Well, there you have it, Mr Buttkiss is really in it for the power.

FIN





The Materialists: A story of true credit love. (Warning: mature theme)

7 04 2007

Characters:

Muffy: has a credit card fetish.

Tie: Has a lust for plastic.

Chapter Seven man: A man with bad news.

Muffy: Oh, Tie you have to get me that diamond ring and matching necklace now!! Those items will show the world how much passion that you have for me. I know you will have to use your credit card, because that is what the companies want you to do. I know you will be a good conforming consumer and not pay off your credit cards for fifty years. You will go into debt for me. I love credit love.

Tie: Yes, muffy I will buy those love items for you. Love is all about the bling-bling. I will go into debt for you, because credit love is the only love for me.

Muffy: Yes, honey. You are the man for me. If you keep buying me things than you will always have a place between my legs.

Tie: Yes, I love that thing between your legs. I will keep buying your everything that you want and fulfilling your wildest spending fantasies.

Muffy: I will keep buying you things too. I know how much you want that three thousand gold plated belt buckle with your name on it.

Tie: I want that so bad that I can taste it. That belt buckle will let the whole world know who I am…Tie.

Muffy: Do you want to see my muff? I shaved it just for you.

Tie: Yes, please that looks so good Muffy. You trimmed it just right, did you buy the trimmer with plastic.

Muffy: Does it Tie. Does it. Oh, I just love it when you say you love my muff. My love for you burns deeply. I love your plastic cards too, of course I bought it with plastic.

Tie: If you keep getting me things you will always have my love balls, right now they are blue they hurt.

Muffy: Those balls are so dreamy and full of pure love. I want your balls forever they are so powerful looking in your credit bought pants.

Tie: You will have them forever as long as you keep supporting my capitalistic way of the life.

Muffy: Let’s go to an over priced resturant and max out your card. I love the way that you put your card down. Then I want to go to a lingerie shop, and buy a see-thou little night thing so you can see my shaved muff and rock my world.

Tie: I love it when you talk like that. I need to get a digital camera, so I can film you and I doing the nasty love dance. I will make sure that I buy it at the most expensive store with my credit card.

Muffy: Yes, then we can post our nasty moves on the www. I sure adults will get their rocks off hardcore like.

Tie: Yes, I love supporting the credit card companies. I love the way that they control the general public. If wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have you Muffy. I wouldn’t have all these nice things. I love the way that it will take thirty or forty years to pay off my already maxed out cards.

Muffy: You are such a good man. I could do you here and now. But, I will hold my dirty love dreams for tonight in our three thousand dollar bed of dreams.

Tie: We still haven’t paid for that bed, it was paid for with plastic.

Muffy: I love the way that you say plastic.

Tie: Kiss me, you love pumpkin.

Muffy: Yes, I love you. I love you. Oh, how much I want to watch you pay with plastic. You make me want to lick you so much.

Tie: You can lick me when we finish our chapter seven shopping spree.

Muffy: I love the way that you say chapter seven.

Tie: We have been spending so much that the chapter seven man will be knocking on our door very soon. I am scared.

Muffy: Those nasty credit card companies they are so dirty. They are like those traveling sales people of the old west.

Tie: Who are we fooling we are in debt up to our foreheads.

Muffy: There is no sense in talking sexy. I can’t believe that we are forty thousand in debt.

The Door: Knock. Knock.

Tie: Who is at the door? Who is it Muffy?

Muffy: It is chapter seven man. Hurry run out the back. He is here to take our spending power.

Chapter Seven Man: No, so fast Muffy and Tie.

Tie: What do you want with us? We have been good little spenders.

Chapter seven man: I am afraid that you have been a little too good at spending. You have over spent your limit. I am afraid that you might loose everything.

Tie: No. No, not my new car. Not my new bed of dreams and muffy’s see thou little night thing. I can’t part with my belt buckle that says Tod now the world won’t know who I am.

Muffy: Not my vibrator.

Tie: I thought I pleased you all the time.

Muffy: Will that is to be debated.

Chapter Seven Man: What the hell? You need to stop using plastic. If you don’t have the money you don’t need it.

Muffy: Tody expressed his love for me. He said that he could never part with the power of plastic.

Chapter Seven man: I am afraid you will have to part with the plastic.

Muffy: No…

Tie: Oh, the humanity. Oh, the bitterness and the pain. Why chapter seven man, why!!

Chapter Seven Man: I am afraid that you have to do without material things.

Tie: We are the materialists. There is no stopping our spending. There is no stopping our lust for consuming goods made to exploit the masses. If it is something that I want I get it now.

Chapter Seven Man: I am afraid you both must stop your evil spending fetish or it might be too late. You are just like everyone else you want it now and there is no such thing as deferred gratification anymore. It is too late for society.

Muffy: Too late for what, you bastard.

Chapter Seven Man: You both are going to loose your spending power. You can’t have anything for over seven years.

Tie: That is it I am moving to Canada. There we can have all the plastic we want. He, he, he, he!!!

Chapter Seven man: No, I am sorry your credit follows you there too.

Muffy: No, we are losing our love, Tie.

Tie: I know. What will we do with out our Always in Debt card.

Chapter Seven man: Cut it.

Muffy: We will be poor, I would never cut a credit card.

Tie: Goodbye Muffy.

Muffy: Goodbye Tie.

Chapter Seven man: You don’t have to break up. You just have to stop spending.

Tie: Yes, we do.

Muffy: See you in seven years Tie. This is not the end. This is not the end.

Tie: I know my love.

Chapter seven man: I see my work is done here.

This is grus saying don’t let the greedy credit card companies get you. Watch your spending, because they have a way with manipulating the masses. Peace, Grus.





Episode 2 Asshole Story: Edwin the Jerk tries to find love after Zandra…

4 04 2007

Note: This series is not about anyone in particular. I just chose the name of the charactors out of the blue.  Grus.

In today’s episode Edwin gets dumped again. Edwin is a jerk who looks normal on the outside, but is a complete psycho on the inside. Yes, he loves to argue with, stalk, and call at all hours of the night those who he is dating. He takes frequent trips to the bar, and is jealous of small animals and is an insecure bastard. He also cheats on those that he dates, spreading disease through out the land. He just can’t get relationships right, you can blame it on his parents or lack of them, or you can just give him the blame for his actions. I think the second choice is the better of the two. The bad part of this he has escaped from the mental institution.

Edwin: Damn I have to have love. I can’t believe that Zandra dumped me. I am going to the bar to get tanked up and find some bar love.

Edwin drives to the bar. He walks in the door and puts on the charm. He is looking for a love that can satisfy him and no one else. When you are a selfish bastard there is no stopping the selfish insanity.

Edwin: Hey, bartender give me a beer.

Bartender: I don’t want to trouble Edwin. You better leave the ladies alone. You are a jerk, and I have heard about you. You are the poster man for Jerk Syndrome.

Edwin: I am not a jerk, I have changed since Zandra. I have been going to counseling and they have upped my Prozac prescription. My psychiatrist says I am making progress.

Bartender: I will be watching you. I am limiting your drinking, because you can’t drink when you are on poor me medication.

Edwin: You do that. I can handle my Prozac just fine, and my booze.

Bartender: keep telling yourself that.

Edwin drinks ten beers and starts crying. He gets all depressed because he has no one to control.

Edwin: I can’t find…love! I want someone to have and to…ah? What was I saying?

Bartender: You have had enough. You need to stop. I am kicking your ass out.

Edwin: I need love… and I am not leaving until I find it.

The bartender calls over the intercom: I need security at the bar.

Bouncer: You will find yourself on the pavement outside if you don’t leave peacefully.

Edwin: Peaceful? What is peace? I need a piece I want some ass now. Don’t touch me!! Do you have any idea who I am? I am the poster man for Jerk Syndrome.

Bouncer: The only ass you are going to get is my boot in your ass.

Edwin: Ok…Ok..I am going to leave now. But…I need someone to control. I need someone call and tell that I… What was I saying?

Bouncer: I don’t care what you were saying, you are ripped off your ass. OK, out with you.

The bouncer takes Edwin out to the street nicely. Edwin bursts into tears, because he has no one to control. He has no one to use as a whipping post. But, that doesn’t stop him because he never takes the blame for his actions.

Edwin: Why did you kick me out? Why did you kick me out! I am man! I am a ma..I have needs. I have wants. I need someone to manipulate.

Bouncer: I am going to call the cops.

Edwin: Don’t do that!! I don’t need another DWI. I am going to bar up the street. I am going to get some chicken wings, and then I am going to. I forgot what I am going to do.

Bouncer: You were going to bar up the street and get some chicken wings.

Edwin: Oh, Yeah. Well, goodbye bouncer man!

Bouncer: goodbye, have a nice night.

Edwin enters the bar up the street. He is tanked up and stumbling when he walks in. He finds a bar chair and scans the room for someone to control. He orders a couple more beers. His breath smells like booze, and shit.

Edwin: Hey, bartender!!

Bartender: Yes.

Edwin: Give me a damn beer and make it snappy! I need someone to make me happy.

Bartender: No…not until you ask me nicely.

Edwin: Do you want me to kiss your ass or something? Make it snappy you bastard.

Bartender: OK, that is it. I am going to kick your ass out. You will never come here again.

Edwin: Hey, don’t kick me out. I need some love. I to have… What was I saying?

Bartender: I don’t care what you were saying. You are out of here.

The bar tender takes Edwin out nicely. Edwin breaks into tears. People pass by not even worrying about what he is saying.

Edwin: They have kicked me out for the last time. Damn, I am drunk and need some action.

Woman: Hey, do I know you?

Edwin: No, but would you like to? I need a little love time.

Woman: Yeah, I know you…you are the poster man for jerk syndrome. And you did my friend while you were cheating on Zandra. My friend said you sucked in the sack. Your package went limp.

Edwin: A that wasn’t me…my love toy can please any woman that includes your friend.

Woman: That is you. You are on that billboard over there.

The Billboard: Do you have a jerk in your life. Well if you do watch out for this man. He is a jerk of great magnitude he is a guaranteed lemon.

Edwin: let me take you home, and I will show you in a big way.

Woman: That is OK. I would rather watch mold grow on my wall.

Edwin: We can watch the mold grow together.

Woman: You don’t get the hint. NO! NO! NO!

Edwin: You don’t love me. You don’t care. We could have got married next week. It will be a small wedding just friends.

Woman: Are you sick or just a dumbass. I don’t want to marry you.

Edwin: I need you. I have your ring right here.

Woman: I am out of here.

Edwin: Come back, I want some loving action.

Woman: I would have to wear a bio-hazard suit to be next to you.

Edwin breaks into tears. He has no one to control, and he has no phone to rip out of the wall. Edwin tries to follow her, but he doesn’t get far. A cop arrests him and takes him back to the institution for the insane.

The end.