Gray’s Colostomy: We are living in sin…

27 07 2007

Rating: (Adult) Adult language. Adult Situations. Adult Content.  

Meredeath Gloom’s voice: 

There comes a time when you don’t want to get married so you live in sin. Dork Smartass and myself are on our weekend get away, and we have decided to live in sin. We are so much in love with money, and each other it hurts. I mean we both have big ass houses, and we are multi-millionaires. 

  I had a dream while we were traveling to our destination. I dreamed that I could charge patients three thousand dollars to clean their ears, and fifteen hundred dollars to give them advice. I love capitalism, but Dr. Smartass woke me up. I told him about my dream, and he said he would see if he could change the cost of each procedure, and make my dream a reality.

Well, we are here and we are going to spend a week away from the hospital. I realize that I won’t be making any money, but I will be enjoying our three hundred thousand dollar cabin. I just put in the money air freshener, and the whole cabin smells like money. 

 Dork Smartass: Hey, honey could you get us some firewood!?? It looks like we are all out.

Meredeath Gloom: I thought we could burn some of the money that we brought, and have a glass of wine. I brought thirty thousand dollars to burn in the fire place.

Dork Smartass: That sounds sexy. Can you love my love pole tonight; I need it cleaned so badly.

Meredeath Gloom: As long as you wax my passion crater.

Dork Smartass: Yes, of course I will love your passion crater. It makes me want to cry.  It is so huge and deep. Oh, I want it now. I want to hear it’s echo in the night.

Meredeath Gloom: Not so fast you horney slut. You have to beg for it. You have to beg for it you dirty bastard.

Dork Smartass: Yes, I am a dirty bastard. I am your slut.

Then as the two were about to “make love”, they heard a sound coming from the lake: It sounded like “HELP”. Being the caring loving doctors that they were they went out and checked it out, and to there eyes would appear two people stuck in the lake. Dr. Smartass got in their thirteen thousand dollar boat and with Dr. Gloom by his side rescued the stranded people.

They took the couple back to the dock. They soon discovered that the man had a large cut on his arm, and a bite on his ass. Dork Smartass went inside their big cabin and retrieved his first aid kit, and stitched up the man’s arm and patched his ass. The man was as good as new. But, there was one problem Dr. Smartass wanted six hundred dollars for his time. They had a problem here it is in their own words.

Dork Smartass: Do you hear something?

Voice: Help our boat capsized. Help!! Help!!

Meredeath Gloom: I think someone is crying for help.

Woman’s Voice: Help!!!! Help!!!

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, someone is crying for help. We better go check it out. You never know, we might make a quick buck.

Dork Smartass: We are doctors and we are here to save the world.

Meredeath Gloom: We are hear to save the world one dollar at a time.

Dork Smartass: I love the way that you think.

The two doctors run out and saw that a boat had capsized. Two people are hanging on to drift wood as their boat sinks in the deep water. The man seems like he might be hurt, but the woman is just scared.

Dork Smartass: Hurry get to the speed boat. There is no time to waste.

Meredeath Gloom: There is no time to waste, because time is money.

Dr. Smartass Starts up the boat and off they go.

Meredeath Gloom: They look like they have insurance hurry, hurry!!! 

Dork Smartass: I am applying full power. These two might be our first catch of the day (he, he, he, he, he, he…ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.)

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, our first catch of the day.

They pull the couple from the water. The man has a cut on his arm, and a huge bite on his ass.

Dork Smartass: I am Dr. Smartass. Are you OK?

Man: I have a bad cut on my arm, and I got bitten on the ass by a damn alligator.

Woman: Hurry, my husband is bleeding.

 Meredeath Gloom: Don’t worry we are doctors we can help you.

Woman: Thank you.

They pull the boat up to the dock, and Dork Smartass runs into the house to retrieve a first aid kit.

Meredeath Gloom: My sin lover will be back with the first aid kit shortly.

Woman: Thank you. We have no insurance, and we don’t have much money.

Meredeath Gloom: No, insurance!!! What kind of people are you? You poor people make me sick.

Woman: I thought you cared about your patients.

Meredeath Gloom: I only care about patients that have insurance. How do you expect me to get a sports car, and a walk in shower with a vibrating head to make me cum? You wouldn’t want me not to cum now would you?

Woman: I guess not. You seem to care only about money.

Meredeath Gloom: You damn right bitch.

Man: I am bleeding. I am bleeding.

Dork Smartass:  I am back with the cure.

Meredeath Gloom: They have no insurance can you believe that.

Dork Smartass: No! No! I am going to treat you, but I want three hundred dollars up front, plus another hundred for the stitches and the tools. That is not all, I want another two hundred for the me giving you kind words like: you will be just fine, it won’t hurt, and I am almost finished.

Man: Six Hundred dollars just to patch me up. Are you crazy?

Dork Smartass: I assure you that I am not nuts.

Meredeath Gloom: He is not crazy. It is just the code of us doctors, fix it and then get patients into debt.

Woman: We are going to get help somewhere else, we don’t have to take this shit.

Dork Smartass: We are the only doctors for thirty miles. He might have a bad infection.

Man: I need help now! I will pay! I will pay!

Dork Smartass: That is a good little conformist.

There is cheesy music playing, as Dork Smartass does the operation. Meredeath Gloom just sits in the front yard dreaming of money and power.

Dork Smartass: You are all finished. I want my money up front. I want it now!!

Man: We can’t pay you now. We were hoping that we could pay you in installments.  

Dork Smartass: No, I want it now.

Meredeath Gloom: Yeah, he wants it now.

Man: I don’t have six hundred dollars for your “procedure”.

Dork Smartass: See you in court on Monday I am calling my lawyer. I will sue you for the money and anything else you got, and judging by the clothes that you are wearing isn’t much.

Woman: You sue happy assholes. We were in trouble, and you helped us for a price. You took advantage of us. To you money takes the place of life.

Dork Smartass: You damn right I am sue happy, it is the way of the world.  

Meredeath Gloom: Don’t listen to her Dork. She has no voice.

Meredeath Gloom: See you Monday. We will get our way because we are “rich freaks” and “rich freaks” can do whatever they want. We are above the law!!! Hell we make the laws and the “rules”.

Woman: You both are assholes.

The couple leaves. Meredeath starts crying, because of her passion for greed and power. She is mad because they couldn’t pay. Then Monday came around, and Meredeath and Dork Paid off the judge, because anyone in power can be paid off for the right “price”. Hey, with the rich freaks running this world the world is just a big money pit. There is a total disregard for life, for the environment, for poverty, and disease. Well, on with the story.

You may ask yourself did Dork Smartass and Meredeath win their suit? Yes, of course they did. The people that they sued well they had to sell some of their prized things. Dork Smartass and Meredeath they bought a six hundred dollar bottle of wine with the money they won, and they had sex in front of a money fueled fire. 

Meredeath Gloom’s voice: 

 We are traveling home now. I have learned the capitalism works in really big way, and I love it. 


Rich freak political man gets caught with his pants down.

21 07 2007

Rating (Adult): Adult Content. Adult theme. Adult situtations.  

This is a story about a “powerful” political man who gets caught with his hands in the cookie jar. You might say that, well his pants were down in a compromising position. He is the type of politician that promises everything but nothing ever gets done. No, wait that is every politician, who am I trying to fool?  Well, on with the story:

Political Rich Freak:   Hello everyone it is so nice to see you today. I am just the man to free you from taxes, and expensive insurance. I am just the man to bring morals back into every household. I believe that marriage is a sacred institution, and that no one should live together or have sex outside of marriage. I believe that marriage should never be desecrated. I believe that everyone should have an education and free insurance without capitalism stepping in the way. I am the man of the people. If you ask, you shall receive that is my Philosophy.

Political Rich Freak’s Wife: Yes, my husband is a good man, and he will be there for you. We toured the poverty stricken part of our great nation this last week and I am going to change things. I am going to bring a smile to everyone across this great land, and give everyone a big hug (he, he, he, he, he, he.)

Crowd claps and cheers…

Here is what the wife and Rich Freak Political Man really meant: The wife will never know what it is like to be poor, as well as her husband. They only do charity events to make them look good in the eyes of the voters. It also makes them look like they care, and they are the people next door.

Here is what the Rich Freak Political Man meant: He is only running for office for himself and for his interests. He could really give a shit about health care, poverty, and other social emergencies. He has health care and plenty of money in his bank account. He like his wife will never know what it is like to be poor or where his next meal will be coming from. It is a sick world. He would rather take kickbacks, exploit people, give himself and those in power with him rises, and keep the people hoping that things will change.

Now on with the story:

When all is quiet: political man goes to a local bar minus his wife. His wife is doing a charity event on the other side of town. She is not doing charity work out of the goodness of her heart. She was offered twenty thousand dollars just to show her plastic enhanced face.  

He on the other hand is a horney bastard who wants to get it on with anyone that will give it to him. You see he preaches family values and morals, but he is willing to put his suck pole in anyone that will offer it to him. You see he is a politician and we all know that politicians are above the law. They can give themselves rises and break countless  laws and still come out of the woodwork smelling like fresh roses.

Rich Freak Political man: I need some lovin and it isn’t from my wife if you know what I mean.

Adviser: I don’t think that this is a good idea…sir. You are in process of getting elected into office. You are moral figure now, a man of the people.

Rich Freak political man: You shut up I am above the law there is no stopping me and my lust tonight. I want a woman of the night night!!

Adviser: But, sir!!!

Rich Freak Political man: Don’t “but” sir me!! I want a “woman of the night”, and I want her now. There is no price… let her name her price I am good for it. But, I want you to make sure that she shaves her muff and has big fake boobs. I want to be like everyone else.

Adviser: Go to you room and wait I will bring her to you. You don’t want to get caught, because you are going to win the election. You are everyone’s friend. You are the man next door, and the man next door doesn’t fool around. He comes home every night at five thirty and lays in front of the TV watching right wing political propaganda, then goes to bed in a separate bed opposite of his wife.  

Rich Freak Political man: The only one that is going to cum is me. I will be cumming at five thirty, but it won’t be at home or in my wife. Hurry…go and find me the finest fuck in the land. Oh, you forgot one thing!!

Adviser: What?

Rich Freak Political man: You forgot my credit card. Hey, let my supporters pay for my cumming experience.

Adviser: I don’t think this is a good idea.

Rich Freak Political Man: I don’t care what you think. I am horney and not for my wife.

Adviser: OK. I will be back in a few minutes. I will find you the dirtiest fuck in the land.

Rich Freak Political man: Hurry, and be off with you.

What rich freak political man doesn’t know is that the woman that Adviser picks up is with the media and calls herself Untitled Reality. She is one of the most dangerous freelance journalists in the world. She has cameras and a direct link to millions of people.

Now on with the story:

Adviser arrives at the “sex” house.  

Mistress Freak on: Welcome to the “sex” house. Will this be come in or will it be take out? 

Adiviser: It will be take out.

Mistress Freak on: What kind of woman do you want?

Adviser: It is not for me. It is for my friend. He wants a woman that shaves her muff, and has big “fake” breasts.

Mistress freak on: I have just the woman for you. I want you to meet Mistress cum on me. She is the ultimate freak of love and lust.

Adviser: She will do.

Mistress Freak on: Will it be cash or charge?

Adviser: It will be charge. Do you take Ultimate Master Debt card: The card that is guaranteed to keep you in debt for as long as you live.

Mistress freak on:  Yes. Do you work for that guy that is running for office Political Rich Freak man. I have to log his card into our database.

Adviser: Here is three hundred dollars to keep this transaction a secret.

Mistress Freak on: Your secret is safe with me.

Mistress cum on me and Adviser and go to Rich Freak Political man’s hotel room. They arrive without saying a word enroute. Adviser lets her in and then leaves.

Mistress cum on me: Hello honey. I have wanted you for a long time.

Rich Freak Political man: Good, now come here and sit on my lap.

Mistress Cum on me: Not, so fast big freak. I have to use the restroom. Why don’t you start stripping your clothes off while I go to the restroom.

Rich Freak Political man: OK. I can’t wait.

Mistress cum on me: Neither can I! We are going to have a “kinky” time!

Rich Freak Political man: Yes, Yes! That is what I want to hear.

She goes into the restroom and calls her freelance media team. She tells them she has left the door slightly ajar. She is ready to expose rich freak political man for who he is, and what his real intentions are. She is the most feared journalist of both sides of the political ticket. She exposes both sides, because both sides play their dirty little games. Thus, no one wants to get a visit from her. Rich Freak political man is too horney to even notice that it is her.

Untitled Reality (Mistress Cum on Me) opens the bathroom door in a teddy, and rich freak political man goes crazy.  He then realizes that her breasts are real. He then realizes it is Untitled Reality. He runs for his pants, but it is too late her team runs in and takes pictures, video, and audio tracks. They got photos of him with his pants down, and with Untitled Reality.

After the pictures were taken a huge scandal emerged, but his wife being the good little rich freak stayed married to him. She blamed everyone else but her husband, she blamed his infidelity on his campaign schedule, and that stress had leaded him to be with another woman.

How could she be so naive, when he has cheated on her more times than she can count? He of course said it was the media that framed him. He blamed his opponent and his adviser. His a opponent is very sacred of Untitled Reality, so it wasn’t him.  Rich Freak Political Man didn’t take responsibility for his own actions. Hey, because politicians are above the law and they can get away with it all and still come out smelling like a rose.

Well, he got arrested to make himself look good. He wanted everyone to think that he was not above the law, and just like everyone else. He went to rehab to fix his “problem”, but it wasn’t just any rehab it was rehab for the stars. It had lush gardens and birds singing all day. There was room service, a big ass swimming pool, and an eighteen-hole golf course, and even a spa. He had so much fun at rehab.  

It was like he was the victim, and that is what his three thousand dollar an hour psychiatrist told him. Yes, rehab because rehab settles it all and makes everything OK. He is now “over” his problem he is cured!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is ready to exploit his masses (wo, wo, wo, ha, ha, ha!!!)   

Where is Rich Freak Political man now? He is in office ripping off the public, and giving himself rises beyond his wildest dreams. He is also doing nothing to help the poor? He is doing nothing to make life easier. He is however, making himself richer while those he promised to serve are getting poorer.  There are however some people getting richer: his friends and the interest groups that give him tips (kick backs.)

Where is his wife? Well, she is doing charities of course. She still loves to make everyone think that she cares. Hey, ignorance is bliss and lies are the new truth. FIN.  

Be careful: Jerks and assholes are out there…

16 07 2007

There are many jerks in this world, but the worst jerks are those who don’t want their families. There is one jerk that I would like to expose in this entry. It happened many years ago, but it seemed like yesterday.  There was a man, but I don’t want to call him a man. I want to call him an asshole, but the nice term for him would be mouse or coward.  

He was married to someone close to me. He cheated on her with many different women during their seven year marriage. One comment that he expressed to her was that anyone can have an offspring. He had two offspring with her and left her and them for another woman.  The “other” woman left him after two months of marriage, then he went on to marry four other times.  Here is the deal he was and will always be an asshole regardless of his charm and status. He is now divorced and is living alone, because you see what goes around comes around in a really big way.

There are many men out there that love to plant their seed and then run. Then there are assholes that plant their seed in many women and then run. I call it planting in seed syndrome.  It is a sickness that has plagued the world since the beginning of time.

There are thousands of loving and caring men out there that can’t make an offspring that would make great parents. There are assholes out there that have a family and would rather leave and be “free” to move on and make another family–pour contents in and just add water.

I ask myself what makes and an asshole or a jerk. I am sure that is a question on every sane persons mind. Here is the question:  We can blame it on their family. We can blame it on society. We can also blame it on their up bringing. Yes, society has an excuse for everything. I think it is a choice to be an asshole or a jerk.

You may ask what I mean, here is how it goes. During some point in their life (the jerk or the asshole) they felt the world owed them something, or they had huge insecurites about themselves. Another factor the man may have been brainwashed into believeing that the man is the all mighty in the house and ruler over all.  They then developed this power trip and begin controlling those around them.

Women then become victims to these assholes and jerks fucked up way of thinking. What these jerks don’t realize is that no one can control or own another human being. That no one can control a destiny of a human being. There are millions of women that are forced to do what their husband or boyfriend “wants” them to do. Many are “kept” from getting a college education and other life advancing opportunities all because their “man” has a fear of educated women and an insecurity that their wife or girlfriend might have more power over them. The last time I checked no man can become an immortal all knowing being.

Here is one thing to remember if you or someone you know is a relationship that is bad get out of that situation there are people that can help in your community. No relationship is worth getting hurt over. Remember once an asshole always an asshole. He can bring you flowers! He can bring you trinkets! He will never change. Life is too short to be worrying about some asshole’s feelings, and if he is going to be different “this time”.   This is grus saying peace be with you. FIN. 

Gray’s Colostomy: We are in love.

8 07 2007

WARNING: Mature theme. Adult content. Adult Language.  

Characters in the episode:

Doctor Meredeath Gloom
Doctor Crusty “Confused” Yank
Doctor Dork Smartass
Doctor Asslex Crass
Doctor Isa-stuck-up
Rad Cherry Pits
Two other charactors from the last episode.

Meredeath Gloom: There is always a sick feeling in my belly when I think about love. I am not sure if I love money and power or Dork Smartass better. You see Dork Smartass is thinking about marrying me, and I am not sure about that. I am married to money, and making it and he knows that. We are going away for the weekend it will be so much fun seeing his big balls. As you noticed I said balls and not shaft.  

Dork Smartass: Hi, money honey are you ready to go away for the weekend? I am going to show you my big balls.

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, I am ready it will be so nice getting away from this hospital. I have made a career out of turning poor people away and helping the rich.

Dork Smartass: You mean that you won’t miss the smell of money and kissing someones ass to get ahead?

Meredeath Gloom: I guess I can put all that aside to go and play with you and your big ass balls. 

Asslex Crass: What’s up assholes? It is another day and hopefully another forty million dollars.

Meredeath Gloom: Shut up asslex! I don’t need your constant ego problems and your petty insecure ways. 

Asslex Crass: What are you talking about? I am not insecure. I am in love. 

Dork Smartass: In love? Who would want you?

Asslex Crass: Oh, you are such a funny man a real joker. 

Meredeath Gloom: He is a big ball man, but not much else.

Dork Smartass: What?

Asslex Crass: Isa-stuck-up and I got back together. Yeah, we talked and then had some great make-up sex in her bathroom on the toliet. She had gas.

Dork Smartass: I thought you hated her?

Asslex Crass: I was horney. Well, it is time for me to go and make some money. I am so fucking hot.

Crusty Yank: Dr. Smartass!! Dr. Smartass!!! There is a patient that has come in sick he is vomiting tiger urine.

Dork Smartass: They are all sick Dr. Yank,  but does this patient have good insurance?

Crusty Yank: I don’t know! Aren’t we supposed to ask those questions later?

Dork Smartass: Go get a band aid and put it on the wound and send them home. I have a weekend get away to plan with Dr. Gloom. I want to get some lovin if you know what I mean!

Crusty Yank: The patient isn’t bleeding, he is vomiting. This is not the time to be talking about lovin. 

Dork Smartass: It is the perfect time to be talking about lovin. You wouldn’t want me not to get some lovin now would you Dr. Yank? 

Crusty Yank: No! I guess, I guess not. You need loving more than you need to help those in need.

Dork Smartass: Dr. Yank!! Who is the patient?

Crusty Yank: He is an actor. I don’t think he has any classical training. He was just hired for his looks. He can’t act! He uses this fake British accent when his character isn’t even British.  

Dork Smartass: AN ACTOR!! Where the hell is he!!! Is my hair OK?

Crusty Yank: Right this way!! Your hair is fine!

The two doctors go to the emergency room.

Dork Smartass: Rad Cherry Pits in my emergency room. What is the problem? You seem to be barfing up a lung.  I am just messing with you!!

Rad cherry Pits: I drunk some exotic tiger urine with ice to cleanse my inner reality. I believe in all natural cures, because I care about the environment and I am worth it.

Crusty Yank: You have money and want the world to think that you care. You go to other countries and come back running to your first world Sanctuary and your mansion full of expensive crap. You don’t know what it is like to live in a third world country.

Dork Smartass: Don’t mind her she is having a bad day. Crusty Yank would you have a nurse pump out his stomach. Then give him the penthouse suite with a good view,  room service and a big screen TV. You will be fine in a couple of days Mr. Pits. I will have the limo driver pick up your wife.  Oh, by the way I loved you in The downfall of a legend.

Rad Cherry Pits: I am glad that you liked it. I shouldn’t have drank that tiger urine.

Crusty Yank: Yes, Dr. Smartass.  

Rad Cherry Pits: Thank you Dr. Smartass. My wife will love the penthouse suite. We can make love until the morning light! Do you have pay per view in the penthouse suite?

Dork Smartass: Yes, we have pay per view only in the penthouse suite. I am going on a trip this weekend, and I need some extra money to buy my girlfriend a hot new sports car, because I want some lovin. I am asking you Mr. Pits can I have a twenty thousand dollar tip for my advice?

Rad Cherry Pits: Yes, you can have a twenty thousand dollar tip for your services. Would you just charge it to my insurance company. I am so freaking rich….he, he, he, he, he!!!

Meanwhile in another part of the hospital the doctors talk about their lives.

Meredeath Gloom: I hope Dr. Smartass takes me to a good place this weekend. I hope it is not one of those three thousand a night places like he took his last women to, damn him.

Isa-stuck-up: Dr. Crass and I made up last night. We had sex on the toilet what a way to make up. I had gas, but that is no excuse to have sex on the toilet. He was flushing it while we were “going at it”. I think he broke the handle in mid climax. I guess I will have to call a plumber.

Meredeath Gloom: Dr. Crass is an asshole. I don’t know what you see in him.

Isa-Stuck-Up: I am desperate! I need a man. I need love. He is the only man that will give it to me. I don’t know what you see in Dr. Smartass.

 Meredeath Gloom: I see big balls, and love based on greed and power.

Isa-Stuck-Up: That is no way to live love. What ever happened to trust and passion?

Meredeath Smartass: Hey, at least I am honest. You and Dr. Crass have a “love” based on make up sex and premature ejaculation.

Isa-Stuck-up: You are right he does climax fast, I never get to climax. I rely too much on my viabrator. I need batteries, can you hold on a second I need to add batteries to my shopping list.

 Meredeath Gloom: See what I mean. I use  the viberator XLT  it is solar powered and can also be charged by plugging it into the wall. There are times when Dr. Smartass just doesn’t please me. In fact he rarely does, oh well.

Crusty Yank: Dr. Gloom!! Dr. Gloom!! A patient in the toilet room, I mean emergency room is really mad! 

The doctors run in slow motion. There is cheesy music playing in the background. The doctors enter the emergency room.

Meredeath Gloom: It is Anthon the great. Why is he back? I thought we fixed his gas problem.

Crusty Yank: He is Hyperventilating.

Meredeath Gloom: What is wrong Anthon the great? 

Anthon the Great: My wife took me to a motel and it had no walk in shower! It had no room service. They use the same sheets every night, and they had no limo service.  It was $20.90 a night. I can’t deal with that. She is punishing me! I told her that I didn’t want to help her take over the world. She is crazy she wants to take over the world and rule it with an iron fist.

Meredeath Gloom: Hurry we must get him to the penthouse suite! Get him room service, and get him in the walk in shower. Oh, and serve him fried snails and fish eggs for dinner!!  He should be ok.

The nurses run in slow motion. There is cheesy music playing in the background.

Diane the all knowing: Where is my husband? That bastard I am going to spank his butt! He doesn’t want to help me take over the world.

Crusty Yank: Calm down Diane the all knowing. Your husband has been taken to another part of the hospital. He is safe now!! 

Diane the all knowing: I want to go to him now!!! You better let me spank his butt!! I am going to rule the world if it is the last thing I do!!!  I need his money to build my empire of greed.

Meredeath Gloom: I can’t let you! He is a patient of this hospital.

Diane the all knowing: How about I pay you one hundred thousand dollars under the table no tax!! If you tell me where he is…you want the money don’t you?

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, I want the money he is in room twenty six in the penthouse suites.

Diane the all knowing: Here is the check, and I will see you later.

Crusty Yank: you can’t do that! That is a bribe!

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, I know! It is time that you run with the big dog’s crusty yank! 

Crusty Yank: My shift is over. I am going home. I think you need to pay me twenty thousand of that one hundred thousand to keep me  quiet. I am being a team player.

Meredeath Yank: Here is a check for twenty thousand dollars. You drive a hard bargin, but you are catching on. Have a good next week. I will be back the week after next.

Crusty Yank: OK! Bye…

Then Dr. Smartass runs in slow motion toward Meredeath Gloom. They kiss!

Meredeath Gloom: Are you ready to go? I have finished business for today, and business was good.

Dork Smartass: I am glad! Are you ready to go on our adventure?

Meredeath Gloom: Yes.

Will the doctors fall in love? Will they get married? Will Dr. Crass come clean about his premature ejaculation? Will Isa-stuck-up get her toliet fixed? Stay tuned.


The Farting College women: A Bar encounter gone bad.

7 07 2007

There once were three college women. They went to a bar to have a drink after a long hard day of work and school. They were minding their own business when along came two jerks and a two assholes. These misconfigured men looked at the women from across the bar. The jerks came over first and asked if they could buy the women a drink. The jerks were nice, because they only wanted one thing…(lovin). 

Well, the women said no, and the jerks got mad. The three ladies were called very bad names by the nasty looking jerks. This made the three women very angry, but they held back their anger. Do you want to know why they held their anger, because the jerks weren’t worth their time. 

Then the assholes came over they were drunk off their asses. They asked the ladies to dance. Well, once again the ladies declined their offer. This made the assholes very mad, and they became very irritated and down right pissed off. In the other corner of the bar a bouncer noticed that the ladies were being bothered. The bouncer came over and told the assholes to stop bothering the three ladies or they would have to leave. The assholes wanted to start a fight. You see assholes run in packs, and are generally cowards by themselves. You get one alone they are nothing but insecure fucks.

The ladies came up with a plan. They would play the asshole’s game. They would wait until the assholes asked them to go home with them and they would get their revenge. They would make the assholes pay for everything that they have done to anyone they’ve ever hurt.


College woman one: So this is your place, asshole one?

Asshole One: Yes, it is full of fine things, would you like see the rest of the house. I have only the most expensive stuff. I make two million dollars a year. My daddy was a rich freak.

College women one: What do you do?

Asshole One: I have a trust fund.

College woman one: It must be nice to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth!!!

Asshole one: Are you laughing at me? Do you think I am less of a man? Well, do you? (crying)

College Woman two: Why don’t you two drop the trust fund shit!!! Would you show us the bedroom? I am so horney!!

Asshole Two: I was hoping that you would say that. After all we are so sexy, asshole one and myself.

Asshole One: Yes, forget the rest of the house, there is no time to waste. I want some “action”, do you mind if we film the “action”? There is one more request I ask of you both? Would you shave your pubic hair, because everyone that is anyone shaves. I hope you two are conformists? I hope that you will feel sexy and accepted only if you shave your pubic hair just like everyone else.

College Woman two: You just wait and see there is going to be a big surprise waiting for you two!!

College Woman one: We will shave just for you, and college woman three would love to film it. It will be so much fun, our naked bodies doing the nasty.

College Woman three: I will film all the action, you just wait an see.

Asshole one: Oh, mistress please spank me silly. I can’t hold my emotions GO AND SHAVE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and I hope that you are wearing nice and sexy underwear. (kiss, kiss)

College women two: Oh, we will!!! Oh, we will!!! We will shave our muffs bald just for you assholes.

The two college women go to the restroom. They don’t shave, but they take gas inducing pills called: Fart and go gas be gone pills. These pills are guaranteed to get the gas out naturally without the side effects and the hype. The warning label cautions that the farts might be stinky, and should be expelled only in an open area. The two ladies come out in their panties and bra. The assholes are already naked.

Asshole one: Why aren’t you two naked? I thought that you would want to be naked before us?

Asshole two: Come on College Woman two let’s go to my love chamber.

College Woman two: OK!!

College woman two and asshole two retire to his “love chamber”. Meanwhile in the living room college woman one and asshole one are building trust and friendship, or so asshole one would like to think.

College women one: Come closer asshole one. I want you to smell my butt. It smells so sexy. I know that you will like it. I sprayed perfume all over it, and my butt hole is spotless so you can lick it. College woman three bring the camera over here.

College woman three: Yes, if that is your request. There is not much on him to film, if you know what I mean.

College woman one: Don’t listen to her asshole one.

Asshole one: Oh, I want to smell it my mistress. I want to see its roundness. I want to sniff your butt, so bad it hurts. Oh, please! Please! I want it…

College woman one: And you shall have it my pet in a really big way.

What Asshole one doesn’t know is that College woman one has a huge assblaster building in her ass?

College Woman one: Come closer.

Asshole one: Yes, mistress.

College women one: Closer. That’s it!!!

Then with the move of her sphincter she lets out the most disgusting assblaster.  

The sound of her huge fart echoes throughout the room and house. It scares asshole one, and he runs to the bathroom.  His eyes are burning, because her ass blaster made him gag and lose his lunch. Here’s what happened in their own words:

Asshole one: My nose is against your butt, and it does smell fresh. It smells like roses and flowers. I feel as if I were running through a field of flowers on a spring day.

College Woman one: Well, here is my surprise. I know you will like it. You won’t be saying roses and flowers in a few seconds I am afraid.

Asshole one:  I know that I will, and we will spend the rest of our lives together. Would you marry me? What do you mean in a few minutes?

Then with those words said. College woman one farts in the assholes face.

College Woman one’s ass: Poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

Asshole one: My eyes!!! My eyes!! I need…to…go to the restroom. My eye are burning, and I am gagging! I am going to throw up all my trust fund food. (BARF)

College woman one: My job is finished here. College woman three did you get that on film?

College woman three: Yes, and now I can send the tape to his wife. I am sure that he is married he is a third level asshole.

Sounds of barfing can be heard in the bathroom, and then the flushing of a toilet.

Asshole one: YOU TRICKED ME YOU FREAK!!!! I am going to pass out the smell is too intense. I can’t get it out of my head. Ahhhhhhhhh! (BARF) I BARFED AGAIN!!!! My wallpaper fell off. (BARF)

Then college woman one and college woman three leave the house. However, College woman three is summed to film Asshole two and college woman two’s act of love. Meanwhile in asshole two’s love chamber.

Asshole two: Aren’t you going ask me what I do?

College Woman two: What do you do? (She Could Care less)

Asshole two: I am a politician! I am very married, but I need the release. I rip people off for a living it is so much fun!!! I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and I do what I want. I want to do you now!!!!

College Woman two: How does it make you feel to rip people off? It sounds dumb that you get off by ripping people off.

Asshole two: Say what you want I am ready for action. I want it now, and you are just the pet to give me some lovin.

College woman two: OK, I am going to give you some action. I want to tie you to the bed. It will be so sexy. You will like it, and it might even bring a tear to your eyes. Then I want to sit on your face. My beauty will make you barf with love.

Asshole Two: Yes, I want that too. I want to smell your freshness. I want to feel your love. I want to divorce my wife and run away with you. But, there is one thing that I request that you don’t film our love being made. I have to break the news to my wife softly, and the public thinks I am pure and righteous. They think I am the man next door.

College woman two ties him to the bed with her magic scarfs. She lights some candles, and sets a romantic mood. But, her plan is far from romantic. She has a big butt burner brewing deep within her butt. She is waiting for the right moment to let it all go.

College woman two: You are in for the surprise of your life.

Asshole two: I know it, and I am so in love. (crying)

College woman two: I knew that you would fall in love with me. We only met an hour ago.

Asshole two: I know true love when I see it. We have gone through so much.

College woman two: Yeah, what ever. Do you want your surprise?

Asshole two: Yes, mistress! I want it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

College woman two: OK! Here it goes. I want to sit on your face. I want you to feel all of me. I have so much love to give you!!!

College woman sits on asshole two’s face and blows the biggest fart ever blown in North America. The walls even change color from white to green.

College Woman two’s ass: popopopopolpopopopopopopopoppopoo!

Asshole Two: I feel sick untie me. I am going to throw up! My eyes are burning! My eyes! No! No, please no.

Then as the fart is thrown, Asshole Two’s wife comes in and leaves him.

Asshole Two’s Wife: I am done with you. I am going to tell the world what you are, and that you let someone blow a fart on your face.

Asshole Two: B…A…R…F!!!!

College Woman two: My job is done here. Have a nice day.

College Woman one: Have a good one, guys.

College Woman three: I got it all on film.  

Then as the college women leave the house, their farts were so stinky that both asshole two and asshole one are forced to run out into the street where the media exposes them for the assholes that they really are. You may ask how asshole two got untied. Well, the farts were so nasty that the scarfs just melted away. The three college women were never bothered again.