The Farting College Women: Mandy has a date…but all her date wants is lovin the hardcore way.

29 08 2007

WARNING: Adult theme. Adult content. Nasty Humor. Adult Content Must be twenty one years or older to read.  

Mandy: Hey, bitches I have a date tonight!

Sandy: That is great…is he sexy?

Mandy: I guess. He is a guy! You know…a guy something you two haven’t had for awhile!

Beth: Big deal.  

Sandy: what does he do?

Mandy: He is a big shot actor…he has starred in over thirty films. He makes twenty-three million dollars a movie.

Beth: What a bunch of shit. Hell society is all messed up social workers only make thirty thousand a year, and then actors like your date make millions a year and avoid jail time, because they are “rich” and famous and above the law.

Sandy: Shut up Beth. You are just jealous of Mandy.

Mandy: Yeah…you are just jealous of me…Beth.

Beth: I am not jealous; I would rather be at home having hot passionate sex with my vibrator. It doesn’t ask why…what…where or when it just works. It loves me for who I am and doesn’t have emotional baggage or make me shave my pubes to be like everyone else. I just press the on button and it stays on for as long as it takes for me to cum. It is not like a man–oh, honey that is it I am there I am cumming…now get me a beer.

Sandy: Beth what about passion? You can’t find passion with a piece of plastic.

Beth: Sure I can bitch, all I have to do is dream it and then do it.

Mandy: You are some friend Beth. I thought you would be glad for me…but I guess I was wrong.

Beth: He is an actor. What do you expect? I would rather put a leech up my butt then go on a date with an actor. They tell you all about their adventures and their causes and all of that shit. Hell, the only reason why they have causes is because they can afford them. They go to third world countries and then come back to their air conditioned mansions. They have no idea what it is like to live in a third world country.  They want the world to think they care. It’s a sick fucking world.

Sandy: Don’t listen to her Mandy. She is just pissed, and not all actors are bad. There are some that are good. You can’t judge all of them. Mandy might have a good one.

Beth: That is all they are…just actors. They are always playing the part. They don’t even know what is real and what is not. They practice the art of love by convenience.  They love it when the passion is blazing, but when real life sets in they run.

Mandy: How would you know? You have never dated an actor.

Beth: Yes, I have.

Mandy: Who…then tell me.

Beth: James nut-job.

Mandy: He is in our drama class. He doesn’t count.

Beth: I made him bust a nut on my tits, and then lick my butt until it was clean. Then I spanked his ass until it turned cherry red with my whip of lust, and then he left crying…like the coward he is. He didn’t even say thank you.

Mandy: Yeah, because you spanked his ass with your whip of lust and made it turn red.

Sandy: Isn’t he the class president?

Beth: He makes the perfect politician…all pretend and no do. I am sure he went to his friends bragging about our “love” date.  I am sure that he told them that he was the dominating one. I’m sure he told them that I was as passionate as a wild flower and submissive to all his forcefulness.

Mandy: You are just jealous. That is all I have to say.

Beth: Hell no, I am going to tell you once more I want you to listen very carefully. I wouldn’t be caught with an actor, and you sound like a broken record. I am sure your actor friend is a smug asshole with no classical training he just looks good on the big screen. I am sure that he got hired based on his looks and who he knew. I am going to my room to fuck myself. That is all that I am going to say.

Beth slams the door and the sounds of moaning and the buzzing of her vibrator can be heard all over the house.

Sandy: Beth would you stop moaning. Mandy’s date will be here any minute.

Beth: Shut up bitch I am just about to cum to the thoughts of me screwing our drama professor in front of the whole class…he is so hot.

Sandy: Mr. Muffin. He is really old.

Mandy: I am not going to ask you again. STOP MOANING…you crazy ass bitch. I don’t care that you want to do Mr. Muffin.

There is a knock at the door. It is Mandy’s date.

Mandy opens the door.

Mandy: Hello Greg.

Greg: These flowers are for you and I picked up a box of candy they are Chocolate.

Mandy: Thank you Greg. I am sure they taste as good as the flowers smell.

Mandy walks to Beth’s door to tell her she is going and to tell her to stop moaning.

Beth’s Moans: Oh…fuck yeah. Fuck me professor muffins. Do you want my ass? Oh…Oh..FUCK YEAH!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! OH. OH…yes. Yes. Yes. I can’t fucking stop.

Mandy: Would you shut up.

Beth: Hell no!

Greg: You heard Mandy. Shut up.

Beth: Are you going to make me…!

Greg: Hell…yeah.

Beth: Well, come right on in and make me.

Mandy stands in front of the door.

Beth: I bet you don’t…Oh. I am going to cum! FUCK! I….bet…you…can’t…come..in…and MAKE ME! FUCK!! I AM CUMMING! I…bet…you…got…your…job..BASED ON YOUR NASTY LOOKS GREG…I Am there…….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! YEAH! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! 

Mandy: Beth…stop sounding like a broken record.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Beth: What? I am so spent. I came while someone was yealling at me. That is a first.  

Mandy comes in Beth’s room.

Mandy: I told you to stop.  I am going.

Beth: You get out of here Mandy. Take your Actor and go eat some fish eggs I hope you throw up.

Mandy closes Beth’s door.

Greg: I am going in there. That is it.

Beth: Greg you sound so tough. I am sure they hired you based on your looks and not on your talent. You are so intense.

Greg: I am going….in and you can’t stop me Beth.

Mandy: Let’s go.

Greg: You better be glad that Mandy was here Beth.

Mandy: Greg she isn’t worth it.

They leave the house and get in Greg’s car.

Greg: Why is your friend such a bitch?

Mandy: She has always been like that. I have known her since high school. We all came to college together.

Greg: What is Beth studying…Assholeology?

Mandy: Chemical engineering.

Greg: Sandy, what is she studying?

Mandy: Medicine.

Greg: Wow, and you?

Mandy: Fashion.

Greg: That is cool. Well, instead of going to eat. I thought we would go to my place for a drink.

Mandy: OK…whatever you want.

They drive to Greg’s house in Greg’s big ass sports car. It is a huge house with a butler and a guarded gate.

Mandy: WOW what a nice house.

Greg: I know isn’t it hot?

They walk in the house. He leads her to the bedroom. There is wine and two glasses on the bed stand.

Mandy: We are in your room. We just met. I am not ready for this.

Greg: What do you mean you are not ready for this? Hey, I am above the law. I can do anything that I want.

Mandy: No, you can’t… I want to leave.

Greg: No, you can’t leave I won’t let you, and you will do as I say. He, he, he, he, he!!!

Mandy: Beth was right, you are an asshole.

Greg: Here put this on and there is a shaver in the bathroom it is unused. I want you to shave your pussy NOW!

Mandy: Let me guess you want me to be like everyone else and shave. You think it is sexy because everyone else does it, and what everyone else does is fine with you. Those people that shave because everyone else does it have insecurity issues that society will not think they are sexy. People are so vain, but insecure at the same time.  

Greg: Exactly, you are a smart cookie…but unfortunately I have plans for you, and fortunately those plans are for me. He, he, he, he, he!!

Mandy: Alright I will shave and put this uncomfortable piece of male designed lingerie crap on just for you.

Greg: That is a nice date. I can’t wait.

Mandy goes in the bathroom to change, but she has a plan. He is not going to get away with this and she wants to make sure of that. 

 Mandy walks out of the bathroom wearing the see through lingerie that Greg gave her. Her breasts show through the transparent silky fabric, and her muff is fully shaven. Her nipples are stiff.  She walks over to him and kisses him.

Mandy: How do you like my body?

Greg: I want it!! I want it now!!

Mandy: Not so fast Greg I am going to make you beg for it.

Greg: Please don’t do this to me Mandy I can’t take it.

Mandy slowly slides off the lingerie exposing her firm soft naked body. Greg takes one look at her tits and wants to suck them, but there is one problem. You don’t fuck with the farting college women.

Greg: I want to suck your big tits…please. Please…I beg of you. I want your….pussy. I want to feel you!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Mandy: You want to suck my stiff tits…Greg? You will suck them when I say you can suck them.

Greg: I am the one in control not…you.

Mandy: I am sorry Greg but your plans have changed. I am in charge and there is nothing that can stop me.

Greg: I am going to call the butler, and he will kick you out.

Mandy: I thought of that. He has left the house. He and Sandy went out for ice cream.

Greg: Where is Beth?

Beth: Right here you bastard…and I have my whip of lust. You have been a bad man…and you need to be spanked.

Greg: Please…I don’t want to be spanked. I just want some sex…straight…sex.

Beth: You want straight sex…Greg?

Greg: Yes!!

Mandy: Then you will have straight sex.

Greg: Yes. That is all that I want. Now…Beth if you would leave so we can get it on.

Beth: I am not leaving any time soon. I am going to film you doing her.

Greg: Sex is best between a man and a woman, and not a woman, woman, and man.

Mandy: If Beth leaves I leave.

Greg: Please don’t leave.

Beth: I am going to film your “love adventure” with Mandy. I want to see how you perform in bed.

Greg: Look Beth, you don’t have to do that. My love tool is less that average, and I want my fans to think that I am packing a big love tool. If the tape would get out that would be the end of my career.

Beth: Yes, Greg wouldn’t it be nice.

Greg: No…it wouldn’t.

Mandy lays on the bed naked. Welcoming Greg to her arms, he gladly accepts, and Beth turns on the camera. This makes Greg nervous.

Mandy: Come on Greg get undressed. You want me don’t you? You said that you wanted my pussy you nasty bastard.

Greg: Well, yeah. But, you can’t expect me to perform with Beth here do you. I am not a nasty bastard. I take a shower everyday.

Mandy: It was a frame of speech Greg.

Beth: Just pretend that I am a photo on the wall. I am looking at you, but I am just an image that was created with a camera.   

Greg takes off his clothes, but his love pole doesn’t react to the pressure. Beth films it. He tries to kiss Mandy. Then he tries to make his love muscle come up manually. It doesn’t work.

Mandy: Greg…why don’t you kiss my butt-hole.  

Greg: I might get a piece of corn stuck in my teeth.

Mandy: It is clean. I cleaned it just for you in the bubble bath this morning. I thought you were a nice guy, but  I guess I was wrong.

Greg: I don’t want to lick your butt. I want straight sex with no strings attached.

Beth: He is such a pig.

Greg: You shut up.

Mandy: Come on Greg. You want me from behind?

Greg: Yes….I want that muff.

Mandy: Then come and get it.

Greg tries to love Mandy from behind but he can’t get his love tool to work. Beth is filming all the action and he is under pressure.

Greg: I can’t Mandy. (Crying) I just can’t there is too much pressure. I wish Beth would leave.

Beth: That is a fine piece of acting…Greg.

Greg: I am not acting (crying)! I am being sincere. I really want to love you (crying) Mandy. I want to give you my man love. Beth get out of my house! Get out of my House!! 

Beth: Your performance deserves an academy award. It is too bad that your love tool didn’t get nominated. It is out for the count.

Greg: You are bitter Beth. You don’t like me because I’m an asshole. Well, get used to it the world is filled with assholes. I am just one in a sea of jerks, assholes, butts, and ass munches.

Beth: Think our work is done here. I am going to the press with this film. 

Greg: No, please I can pay you.

Beth: Money has no value to me…Greg.

Greg: This is blackmail.

Mandy: We better go Beth.

Greg: No, you are my date Mandy. You can’t go, not until I say so.

Mandy: Yes, Greg I can.

Greg tries to grab Mandy and push her down.

Beth: Don’t you ever touch my friend again. There is only one thing left to do Mandy.

Mandy: What is that Beth.

Beth: Fart on Greg.

Greg: What? You are not going to fart on me? Please I you can leave…both of you.

Beth: I have bad gas and it looks like my gas might produce some wet farts. It looks like I am going to have to fart on his satin sheets, and then on his head.

Greg: You two are evil.

Beth: No, we are just too damn independent.

Mandy: You didn’t let us leave when we wanted to, so now you are going to pay. 

Beth: You men need to learn that you can’t control women or own them. No one can own a human being. 

Greg: I think differently. 

Beth: Then you must be farted on.  

Mandy: Are you ready Beth

Beth: yes.

Mandy pulls down her pants and walks up to Greg who is confused and blows a huge nasty fart in his face.  The fart covers his whole face. He runs for the restroom to wash off his piece of plastic face. Then Beth farts on his satin sheets leaving them soiled.

Beth: Let’s go home.

Mandy: Yeah, let’s call it a night. I wonder how Sandy is doing?

Beth: Let’s just get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.

Two days later.

The News: A package was mailed to our studios today. It seems that actor Greg Slick-Fellow has “problems” and an ego problem that he can’t cash. It seems that he is the laughing stock of the movie world. I don’t know if he will ever work again in this town. Now on with other news.

The three farting college women laugh.

FIN





Gray’s Colostomy: Amnesia Man the lying bastard…

24 08 2007

WARNING: POST RATING: ADULT. ADULT Language. ADULT situations. ADULT theme. ADULT material. dirty humor.

Characters in this episode: 

Doctor Meredeath Gloom
Doctor Crusty “Confused” Yank
Doctor Dork Smartass
Doctor Asslex Crass
Mr. Good Cash
Mrs. Good Cash

The Law
Front Desk Person

Meredeath Gloom’s voice: Sometimes late at night in my bed I think of being in medical school. I remember what is was like before I become greedy, and my heart wasn’t filled with power and sickness, and then I think of all my money. You see money, power and corporate medicine make me wet…then I had an orgasm in my sleep.

The next day:

Crusty Yank: How was your vacation? Did you get plenty of sex? Did you cum: on the beach and in the bath tub, and on the kitchen table, and on the bed, and at a restaurant in front of everyone. Oh, I am Horney! I need a man!!! I need my ass spanked….NOW!!!! (aaaaaaaaaa)

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, I got plenty of sex! Would you shut up! It is none of your business…Crusty! I am not in the mood to hear about all of your failed relationships.  

Crusty Yank: Alright you don’t have to get mad! I am going to the doctors sleep area…and I am going to fuck myself with my big-ass-vibrator. I just got new batteries. Bite me bitch!!! 

Meredeath Gloom: You go do that; hey at least I have the real thing–Dr. Smartass’s lust pole. And you damn right I am a bitch.

Crusty runs away crying.  

Asslex Crass: What is wrong with her?

Meredeath Gloom: She wants someone to screw. She is all freaked out today. I think she is fucked up in the head or something. 

Asslex Crass: I want to talk to you about a patient. A politician just came in with amnesia. I am really concerned that he won’t be able to rip off the public anymore or take kick-backs from interest groups.

Meredeath Gloom: How much does he have in the bank? And does he have good insurance? Oh, the humanity.

Asslex Crass: He has the best insurance and he is worth billons. Billions I tell you…ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!

Meredeath Gloom: Thank goodness. I want you to give him the “full treatment”. He needs the best care that we can offer. I want you to give his wife the honeymoon suite, and room service, because her husband is a victim. How did he get amnesia?

Asslex Crass: He is under suspicion for running his company into the ground, and taking his employees retirement funds, taking kick-backs, and embezzlement. He bought his wife an island in the Pacific with peoples hard earned money. They go there every summer. They have a private jet and a twenty thousand square foot cabin there. After they brought the charges against him he suddenly developed amnesia.

Meredeath Gloom: He truly is a victim.

 Asslex Crass: Yes, the world wants to persecute him because he is rich. That poor, poor man, just think he might be going to jail because someone doesn’t like that he has billions of dollars.

Meredeath Gloom: If he does his wife will have billions and billions of blood dollars to spend all by herself without him.

Asslex Crass: I feel sorry for her. 

Meredeath Gloom: You make sure that he remembers. You make sure that he can spend summers at his summer home, and winters in Rome. He is rich and the rich are above the law.

Asslex Crass: Meredeath I will do all that I can, but I better get a good tip out of this. I am thinking around twenty thousand dollars.  

Meredeath Gloom: Take me to him. I want to be the doctor that saves his life, and you will get your twenty thousand dollar tip.

Asslex Crass: Hey, he is my patient. They walk to his room. He is sleeping. His body guards meet them at the door.

Mr. Good Cash: Hello doctors, how are you? I hope that I am not a bothering to you. I need a cell phone and a computer I have to transfer some funds….please.

Meredeath Gloom: All of our high roller guests get a free computer and cell phone Mr. Good Cash. And for our poor patients or “low rollers”, they get the boot and a trip to the bad side of town in one of our fine ambulances. Then we make them pay three thousand dollars for the ride…ha, ha, ha, ha…wo, ha, ha, ha!! Money…I love money!!!!

Mr. Good Cash: Thank you Dr. Gloom for believing me.

Asslex Crass: Mr. Good Cash do you remember what you did to put you in this state. 

Mr. Good Cash: No, but I remember when I gave to the good will place in nineteen-seventy two. I am completely innocent. 

Meredeath Gloom: I know that you are; we are going to save you from becoming a victim. 

Mr. Good Cash: Yes, I am a victim. I needed my employee’s retirement money because I am worth it, and it is my company. I am running for office…the senate! Would you vote for me?

Meredeath: Yes of course I will.  

Meanwhile at the front door of the emergency room the law has come to make Mr. Good Cash pay for what he has done. 

The Law: Hello. We are looking for Mr. Good Cash have you seen him? I hear that he is at this hospital. 

The desk person: We know there are many hospitals that you could choose to interrogate suspects at and we are glad that you chose this one. But, there is no one by that name here…so fuck off. 

The Law: Here is proof that he is here. We have a search warrant, and justice must be served. Are you going to continue being an asshole “Desk Person” or are we going have to get really mad. 

Desk Person: I am going to call security

The Law: That is ok. Rich Freaks don’t scare us. We aren’t rent-a-cops we are the real thing…asshole. 

Desk Person: Well, you should be scared, because there are powerful people here that could toast your balls in a toaster oven. Mr. Good Cash is having an MRI and he needs his rest, so leave him alone…you fucking bastards. 

The Law: Rest, my ass. Just tell him to get his cheating, lying ass down here or we will have to use force….Desk Person.

 Desk Person: I am sorry I have a lot to do. Are we finished here? 

The Law: I guess so; we will be back; you can count on that Desk Person.

 Desk Person: Don’t let the door smack you on the ass on the way out.

Asslex Crass: You did good Desk Person. Here is an extra fifteen hundred dollars. If you keep telling the law to leave like that…you will be fucking rich. We are so above the law.

Desk Person: Thank you. Did I do well? Well, did I?

Asslex Crass: Yes, you did…now come and do me. I want to cum on your tits and then on your ass and then on your toes. I haven’t spanked my love pole in a week.  I need a release.

Desk Person: Is the stress getting to you…honey? I know just how to make it better. Come with me to the supply closet I will show you a whole world of…pleasure.

Asslex Crass: Oh show me your love…honey.

Dr. Crass and the Desk Person go for it in the supply closet. Meanwhile in another part of the hospital Dr. Gloom is taking Mr. Good Cash to have an MRI. They are not sure what caused him to have Amnesia. Well, you know politicians…they always have amnesia.

 Mr. Good Cash: Am I going to be OK? 

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, you will be just fine. You will be back to your lies, deceit, and deception in no time.

Mr. Good Cash: Do you think so…well do you?

Meredeath Gloom: Yes, of course I promise. Here I want you to meet…Bud. He will give you your MRI.

 Bud: Hi, Mr. Good Cash.

Mr. Good Cash: Hello…sonny.

Bud: Here lay down on this…and just relax.

Mr. Good Cash: I will enjoy this…I am so cool.

Mr. Good Cash lies down. The MRI machine slowly slides him in— Bud sees nothing on the MRI, but solid organic matter.

Meredeath Gloom: There is no brain in there.

Bud: It looks like shit.

Meredeath Gloom:  Do you mean Mr. Good Cash is a piece of shit?

Bud: You damn right he is!! Last week another politician came in and all I saw on the screen was a pocket of hot air inside where his brain should have been.

Meredeath Gloom: I don’t know how to break it to Mr. Good Cash? He is such a rich freak he will be real upset. I better call his wife. She will need to be there…when I break the news to him. 

 Meredeath Gloom: I will have to tell Mr. Good Cash the bad news.

Mr. Good Cash comes out of the MRI machine.

Mr. Good Cash: Well, sonny…I mean bud. How am I?

Bud: Dr. Gloom will tell you what we found…or what we didn’t find. Get dressed and I will help you back to your room.

Mr. Good Cash: Come on Bud…break it to me softly. I need to know…will I ever rip and con the public again.

Bud: I can’t say right now…please let me take you back to your room.Mr. Good Cash is escorted to his room. His wife and Dr. Gloom are waiting for him. They look sad and depressed.

Meredeath Gloom: Have a seat Mr. Good Cash. I have some bad news.

Mr. Good Cash: Break it to me softly Doctor. I can take it.

Meredeath Gloom: We did some tests and what we found was shit, and that makes you a piece of shit.

Mr. Good Cash: I am. What does this mean? Is there any cure?

Meredeath Gloom: I am afraid there is no cure…once a piece of shit always a piece of shit. The good news is that you can keep ripping people off and deceiving the public like you always have. Shit like you can live ninety years or more.

 Mr. Good Cash: That is good… I thought I would never be able to take kick-backs again.

Meredeath Gloom: You can keep doing what you are doing…and for you I give you a clean bill of health.

Mrs. Good Cash: That means that our offspring are little shits.

Meredeath Gloom: I am afraid so…they will always be shits, because they are spoiled little bastards. They will get picked up for DUI and then let go at the scene, because they broke their cell phone and three thousand dollar purse. They will also spend no time in jail…because rich freaks like you and me are above the law. When there is money involved people turn the other cheek.

Mr. Good Cash: I finally remember…oh well I am going to go fuck my wife.

Mrs. Good Cash: I love getting screwed by a piece of shit…especially a rich piece of shit.

Meredeath Gloom: That is what I like to hear. I am getting tears in my eyes. Mr. and Mrs. Good Cash you go and enjoy the swimming pool and the spa on me. Hell go screw on the balcony of you want to, because you two are above the law.

Mr. Good Cash: We will, and if you want some of my kick-back dollars I have some. You can have thirty-thousand in cash.

Meredeath Gloom: I feel honored.

Dork Smartass: What is wrong Meredeath?

Meredeath Gloom: I love it when two people are in love.

Dork Smartass: Come and do me in the supply closet. I want to show you my magic wand of dreams.

Meredeath Gloom: I would love that.

They walk to the supply closet and out comes desk person and Asslex Crass.

Meredeath: How dare you two desecrate our love spot…Asslex? You have defiled our love nest…you fuck.

Dork Smartass: Yeah…Asslex Crass I am going to write you up

.Asslex Crass: You two be careful the floor is slick with my love spunk. I came in buckets today.  I wouldn’t want you to fall and chip a tooth Meredeath or bust your boner Dr. Smartass.

Meredeath Gloom: Very funny!!

Front Office person: Ha, he, he, he, he, he!!!

Asslex Crass: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 

FIN 





The Farting College women: Lust I must…Oh…Yeah!!

18 08 2007

Post RATING: ADULT. ADULT CONTENT. ADULT SITUATIONS. ADULTS ONLY 21 years or older.  

Mandy: I have to do some extra credit for my Political Science class. I have a good grade, but my professor wants us to go to a political rally this weekend and then write about it.

Sandy: There is going to be one down the street this evening at seven. I think Mr. Ass-kiss and Mr. Good Money are going have a debate. They are both promising to stop poverty, high insurance costs and to lower taxes, and be everyone’s friend. They want to be the guy next door. When all they really are, are a couple of public scam artists.

Beth: Look bitches those bastards are all the same. They are only in it for themselves and their interests they don’t give a rats-ass about the people. Hell, they have money and power; I would like to see someone that has no money or power run for office. Their wives walk around doing charity work, and act like they care but they really don’t give a shit. Hey, their wives will never know what it is like to be poor, they don’t have any idea. Their kids go to high priced colleges and get caught driving under the influence.

Sandy: It’s a damn capitalist world…damn politics.  

Mandy: I know Sandy, but I think we can make this debate interesting.

Sandy: Come on Mandy you aren’t going to fart in the microphone while the debate is going on are you?

Mandy: No, better I am going to pick up one of the candidates and fart in his rich freak face that is what I am going to do. I am wearing my see through panties, and I shaved my muff. I am sure one of those damn politicians love shaved muff. Hell everyone shaves to get accepted by society… fucking conformists, I am so tired of it. Whatever happened to pubic hair?

Beth: It’s gone away Mandy just like the truth in politicians…there are no truths. I would never shave my muff for a damn man or anyone. If he told me “honey would you please shave your muff it’s really sexy and it turns me on”. I would say fuck you asshole and then kick him in balls. What you see is what you get with me…bitches.

Sandy: Let’s go have coffee. The debate is going to start in half an hour.

The ladies have coffee at a coffee shop called Careless Memories. They discuss the day’s events and finish their coffee, and then walk to the debate already in progress.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: Hello and welcome everyone. I want a thank everyone for coming to our debate. I want you all to know that I support all of you whether you are middle or lower class. You see if I am elected I will fight to lower your taxes, and lower your insurance costs, and lower gas prices, and balance the budget, and get health insurance for everyone. I want everyone to have a smile on their face, because I am your man. Oh, and my wife will come and give you a hug when you are sick and make you feel better.

Mandy is now in the front row making Mr. Good Cash lose his train of thought.

Mr. Good Cash: You are unrealistic Mr. ass-kiss.  I am going to balance the budget and get taxes lower, get everyone free health insurance, get more money for things that matter…ah!!  Ms. would you ladies please go to the press box one of my campaign organizers has something for you. Ah, as I was saying I am for the people I believe that everyone can have it all. My wife isn’t only going to give you a hug; she is going to give you an apple pie freshly baked from the oven of dreams.

The farting college women make their way back to the press box. They can hear the crowd cheer. They pass people from both sides of the political arena–Elephants and Donkeys.

Sandy: You aren’t really going to the press box are you?

Mandy: You damn right I am.

Beth: Are you really going to break wind in one of those guys faces? It seems like a waste of a perfectly good fart, but whatever.

They walk in the press box.

Political assistant: Hello ladies! Mr. Good Cash would like to invite you to his mansion this evening. His wife is away on charity duty and he is lonely and could use some company. Be, at this address at nine o clock, and don’t let anyone see you come to his mansion. Oh, he loves shaved muff so make sure you shave before you come, he would appreciate that.

Mandy: We will be there.

The farting College women leave the debate. They can still hear people cheering. They go back to Beth’s dorm room to get ready. Sandy and Beth don’t shave their muffs because they believe in being all natural. Mandy, you know her plan.

Sandy: I don’t think this is a good idea. We are going to get arrested. I am sure there is a charge for farting in someone’s face.

Beth: Look, Sandy you can stay here and watch Grey’s Colostomy like a good little college student or you can fart in a rich freaks face. It’s your choice. I am not stopping you or anything.

Sandy: I don’t even have gas. I couldn’t fart even if I wanted to.

 Beth: You can’t or you don’t want to.

Mandy: Stop fighting! I have gas and I am ready to let it all go.

Beth: You are my hero!

The three women get in the Beth’s car and drive to the privileged part of town filled with huge houses and big front yards. Hell, some houses are five stories or more.

Sandy: Look at the size of those houses.

Beth: I wouldn’t want to be rich. It must be hard for these rich freaks to keep the corncob up their asses.

Sandy: You always say that. You are such a bitch.

Beth: You damn right I am.

Mandy: Would you two shut up? I think we are at the right address.

Beth: Yeah, you got the right address. We are at the point of no return.

The ladies drive up to the gate, a voice comes over the loud speaker.

Butler: Yes, how may I help you?

Mandy: We are the three women that Mr. Good Cash invited.

Butler: Oh, yes we have been waiting for you.

The gate opens and they drive up the drive. The butler is waiting to help them out of their car.

Butler: Hello.

Mandy: Hi.

Beth: Whatever.

Sandy: How are you this evening?

Butler: I am fine.

They walk into the house and see MR. Good cash and Mr. Ass-Kiss sitting at the bar.

Mandy: What are you doing here Mr. Ass-Kiss? You two are running against each other.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: Yes, isn’t it great. We are the same, Mr. Good Cash and I. It doesn’t matter who you vote for our views are the same. Yes, it is true that we don’t give a shit about people. Hell, does any politician? People to me are just a number.  It’s doesn’t matter if you vote for a Donkey or an Elephant we are going to put in office who we want.  

Beth: That is fucked up.

Mr. Ass-Kiss:  Yes, Beth it is, you see we are politicians and we are scam artists at the global scale. You, see we are nothing but rip of artists that scam the people out of their hard earned money and dignity. Hell, we are all the same it doesn’t matter who you vote for we all have one thing in common…greed, power and manipulation. 

Mr. Good Cash:  We are just clones to the system. We are going to do what we want and there is no one that can stop us.

Beth: You sound like broken records. You are saying the same thing over and over.

Mr. Good Cash:  How about some action…ladies isn’t that what you came here for… we will pay you good if you know what I mean.

 Beth: We are not women of the night. I refuse to be apart of this. YOU ASSHOLES!!!  

Mr. Good Cash: Beth please do not take it so hard all we want is pleasure…because we are so stressed out.

Mandy: Come with me Mr. Good Cash. I have something to show you.

Mr. Good Cash: Yes, that is what I wanted to hear, right this way. Let me show you my “love” Chamber.

Mandy and Mr. Good Cash go to his love chamber.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: Sandy do you want to come with me.

Sandy: Yes…I guess.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: What do you mean I guess? Be prepared to cum all night.

Sandy: I can hardly wait…

Mr. Ass-Kiss: OK…right this way.

Beth: Don’t mind me, I am going to use my vibrator and get myself off.

Meanwhile in the “love” chamber, Mandy’s plan is going to be a reality.

Mandy: Oh…Mr. Good I want to tie you up…you dirty man of the public.

Mr. Good Cash: Oh, yes tie me up and make me beg mistress.

Mandy ties up Mr. Good Cash. Mandy slowly takes off her clothes exposing her sexy body. Her breasts quiver in the moonlight as she walks toward Mr. Good Cash. His tool begins to rise as she presses her naked body against his. He is now tied to the bed. 

Mr. Good Cash: Your body is so beautiful I can’t wait to cum inside of you. Are you on birth control, because I don’t wear condoms?   But, first come sit on my face…honey. I want to taste your sweet pussy of lust.

Mandy: You are going to taste my sweet pussy of lust alright, and there is going to be a little surprise at the end…a type of report. I assure you that it won’t be so sweet.

Mr. Good Cash: Oh, I like surprises. Are you going to spank me? (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he)

Mandy sits on Mr. Good Cashes face, she can feel gas brewing inside. Meanwhile Beth is getting off with her love toy on the couch.

Beth: Yes, oh…yeah. FUCK!!! (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ) Oh…oh…oh (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ) I am almost there. Oh..YEAH!!!!!! oh…oh..FUCK…YEAH! (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ)
I AM CUMMING FUCK!!! (VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV)

The butler jacks off and smokes a cigarette while he watches Beth.

Meanwhile back in the “love” chamber Mandy moves her tight ass right on Mr’ Good Cashes face, she is ready to deploy her plan. She has such bad gas that she could let it go any second. Did we forget Sandy…well she is in other “love” chamber with Mr. Ass-Kiss.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: Sandy I want you to undress in front me slowly so I can see every inch you soft-body. Then I want to lick your butt. I want you to bend over the bed and let me kiss and lick your tight butt-hole…please I beg of you.

Sandy: You are so dirty Mr. Ass-Kiss. Well, here it goes. You want to see my naked sexy body…oh you are going to love this.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: Oh, yeah honey. I can’t wait to lick your sweet tight ass. Sandy takes her clothes off piece by piece slowly exposing her sexy body. She too feels a fart brewing in her butt, but she can’t let it go until the right moment.

 Sandy: You are going to get a surprise or great magnitude when you lick my sweet tight ass. Mr. Ass-Kiss: I hope it is little gold nuggets of love. Sandy: There might be nuggets, but there won’t be any love or gold.Meanwhile in the other love chamber, Mr. Good wants some.Mr. Good Cash: You taste so good…Mandy: Are you ready for your surprise (Mandy puts her butt right over Mr. Good Cashes mouth and lets it go) Here it goes: pooooooooooooooooo!! OOOOOOOO! SSSSSSSSSSS meeeeeeeee..woooooooooooo! ssssssssssssssssssssss!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!
 
Then after she let’s it all go she wiggles her ass in MR. good Cashes face leaving him gagging with sickness.

 Mr. Good Cash: My mouth oh it is sick…it tastes bad. My eyes they are burning, and my plastic surgery is melting. Get away…get away you sick woman!! YOU FARTED IN MY FACE!!!

Mandy: I told you there would be surprise and I always keep my…word.

Mr. Good Cash: You tricked me…

Mandy:  I hope that your wife doesn’t find you like this, she might not support you any more.

Mr. Good Cash: She is coming home tonight. Please untie me. Please. Please. Please. My eyes are still burning and I have the taste of rotten corn in my mouth. Please. Please. I beg you.

Mandy: No… Bye.

Mr. Good Cash: I can pay you anything. Please… I can’t afford to lose my marriage! 

Mandy: You should have thought about that before decided you wanted to fuck me. It is not money that I want…anyway. Money just fades away… goodbye

Mr. Good Cash is heard screaming as Mandy closes the “love” chamber door. Mandy goes into the living room where Beth is smoking a cigarette.

Mandy: Hey, Beth.

Beth: Hey, did you fart in his face? Where is he?

Mandy: I farted in his face, and he gagged. He is still tied to the bed. I am going to call both their wives they need to know what their husbands are doing. And I am calling the press I am sure the public needs to know about this…too. These assholes need to know that they can’t treat women like dirt–go ask the Butler for the phone numbers.

Beth: You are my hero.

Meanwhile in the other “love” chamber, Sandy is just about to deploy her secret plan as well.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: You are real sexy. I want you to bend over the bed and let me see your butt-hole of lust.

Sandy: Yes…I know you will like it, because my butt hole smells fresh as a summer rain.  

Mr. Ass-Kiss opens her butt cheeks and starts to lick. But, Sandy has other plans. She feels like she is going to have diarrhea, but it was now or never. Mr. Ass-Kiss moans with pleasure.

Mandy: Are you ready for your surprise of great magnitude?

Mr. Ass-Kiss: I want you to lick my butt. Please. Please. Pease, lick it. Fuck your surprise this is all about me.

 Sandy had, had enough this was it. She was not about to lick a politician’s ass, there was no way in hell.

Sandy: Here it goes…surprise (Sandy let the fart go, but chucks of shit fly in Mr. Ass-Kisses face and up his nose) ooooooooooooooooooooo! poooooooooooooooooooooooo! SSSSSSS
oooooofffffffffffffffffffffffffffffoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
 

Mr. Ass-Kiss: You shit in my face. I can’t see. My nose it is burning. There is shit everywhere. You messed up my three thousand dollar shirt.  I have pieces of corn in my teeth and I didn’t even eat corn today. Where am I? Where am I? My hair is full of shit. What did you eat?

Sandy: You fucking asshole, I shit in your face. I am calling your wife, you will never hurt another woman again. You think you can just bang us and then leave.  Well, I am sorry your plans have changed.  

Mr. Ass-Kiss: Please…I don’t want to lose my marriage. I want to win the election. I can…pay you.

Sandy: Money means nothing to me. I am out of here.

Mr. Ass-Kiss: You come back here. You fucking come here!!! I am not done with you yet!!

Just as Mr. Ass-Kiss was about to grab Sandy,  the door opens and it is Mr. Ass-kisses wife.  

Mr. Ass-Kisses wife: You let her go.  I know all about you. And why do you have shit all over your face? Don’t worry about cleaning up, the press is here and they want to have a press conference. Who called the press? Young…woman you can leave…get out of my sight.

Sandy: I am out of here…rich freak!

Mr. Ass-Kisses wife: What did you call me?

The press come running in and took pictures of Mr. Ass-Kiss with the shit all over his face. He begins to weep huge tears. Meanwhile in the other love chamber, Mr. Good Cash is getting busted by his wife and the press.

 Mr. Good Cashes wife: Why are you tied up? And who are those women in the living room? And why is the press here? Are you wearing makeup what is that streak running down your face?

Mr. Good Cash: I am tied up and that is shit on my face. One of those women farted in my face and then rubbed it in. Untie me now. I am going to bust those women for FARTING IN MY FACE.

Beth: We better go.

Sandy: Yeah, let’s get out of here.

Mandy: You two rock. Let’s go have some coffee.

Sandy: I need to take a shower first.

Mandy: Me too…(ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Sandy: (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Beth: (ha, ha, ha, ha, he, he, he)

The women drive away.

The press came in and took pictures of Mr. Good Cash an Mr. Ass-Kiss.  The Politicians told the public that they were seduced, and that it wasn’t their fault that they got caught. In these times no one takes responsibilities for their own actions…it is a sick world. And you know what, the people believed them. They are now in office back to business as usual. Their wives are now doing charity again and trying to adjust their corncobs.

There are people in “high” offices that think they are above the law. These people make the world a much more dangerous place. Their warped philosophy gets many innocent people hurt. 

The three college women, they are back in class waiting for their next adventure.

 Life is too short to live it in fear. We must find peace now.

FIN.   





The Asshole Love cycle…

14 08 2007

The world is filled with assholes, jerks, butt holes and bastards. In fact the world is dripping with them. There are millions out there that are just waiting to make someone’s life a living hell. There are millions out there just waiting to apologize to someone they have abused, and then expect that person to take them back. There is someone out there that is stalking someone. There is someone out there harassing someone. There is someone out there that has a restraining order against someone that doesn’t know the meaning of no. It is a sick fucking world. 

 Relationship cycle:

* The asshole doesn’t have anyone to control so they look for someone, because they have no control in their own lives.

* The asshole has no self-esteem and is insecure, or has a possible mental illness–Bi-polar disorder, asshole syndrome, jerk syndrome, insecure butt hole syndrome.

* The asshole only goes into a relationship to have someone to manipulate and control.

* The asshole has sex with their victim to make them pregnant as a way to control them. He says he doesn’t like to wear condoms and he can’t get anyone pregnant. The asshole cums and then gets her pregnant and refuses to take responsiblity or is jealous of the offspring.

* The asshole says that  he “loves” the one that he is with, but in reality loves someone to control and belittle.

* The asshole has nothing in his life and wants the same for the one that he is controlling and manipulating.

* The asshole has to have “love”, but it is not a sane interpretation of love.

* The asshole is jealous of small animals: dogs, cats, birds etc. He thinks that she is spending more time with the animal than with him and he throws a huge fit. He tries to make her get rid of the animal, because he finds the animal to be a threat. 

What a fucking asshole!!!

He might call at all hours of the night. He might apologize for the things that he will do again. He might cry huge tears of pain just so that the one that he “loves” to control will feel sorry for his ass. Hell, he might throw in some flowers or a stuffed animal or two. But, there is one thing about an asshole–once and asshole always an asshole.

He might go to anger management classes. He might bring in a cute little puppy home to get those around him to think that he is all better now. He might cry huge tears over the phone or in person when he is drunk and sober.

If you are in a relationship that isn’t good get out and find help there are people in your community that can help. Life is too short to be controlled by some asshole.  People can’t be owned, controlled, and no one can be someone’s property. 

Peace (FIN)





The Sperm Donor: what goes around comes around.

5 08 2007

Rating: Adult. Adult Content. Adult theme. Adult situations. Adult Language.

Note: This is a “fictional story”, but too many women in the world deal with assholes on a daily bases and can see the reality of this story.  Remember no relationship is worth it. If you are in relationship and it is too good to be true get out of it. You my feel that you are trapped, well you are not. There are people that can help. No, one can own another person. No, one can control another human being.  Now on with the story.

There are millions of men out there that “donate” their sperm, and leave while the getting is good. I am not talking about those men that give to a sperm bank. I am talking about love and then run men. You see these men are known as Donor’s, dicks, assholes, and fuck-ups. They usually have nothing better to do but make a woman’s life hell and then move on. Here is a story about such a man, I mean asshole.

Edwin: I love you. I love everything about you. I want to make love to you right here and now.

Len: Do you Edwin? You must put on a condom first, I am not wearing anything. I haven’t been on a date for a while.  

She only went out with him because he wouldn’t leave her alone at work. You see Edwin is a selfish bastard that won’t leave women alone.  

Edwin: I don’t wear condoms it doesn’t feel as good. I want you to marry me.

Len: This is our first date. I don’t know you. Why would I want to marry you?

Edwin: I will never leave you. If you marry me I will be some catch, you will have all your dreams fulfilled.  (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he…ha, ha, ha)

Len: Leave me? This is our first date.

They start kissing. The moment is right, but tragedy strikes poor-poor Edwin.

Edwin: What, I can’t get it up. I don’t know what is wrong with me. My dick is as limp as piece of  wet spaghetti.

Len: That’s OK let’s just talk, besides I just got new batteries for my vibrator. I think I would rather give myself pleasure. Masturbation is the only safe form of sex.

Edwin: Honey, why should you do an electronic fuck device when you can have the real thing!! I am a hundred percent male. I will be right back.

Edwin goes in the bathroom and gets out his pills. Pills, you may ask? Yes, sex pills.

Edwin: I don’t want to talk, I want some lovin. I want your pussy NOW!!! Please I will always love you. I want us to be together through sun or shine. Please. Please. Please.

Len: OK. You don’t have to be so pushy. You can’t cum in me. When you feel that you are about to cum, you can cum on my tits or your hand. I don’t know you.

Edwin: I promise, when I cum it will be on your tits. That is so sexy.

Well, later on that night he was able to get it up with the help of his little pills. However, she was not pleased with his performance. She rated him a two out of a possible ten. He was so selfish during their sex play. She told him to cum on her tits, well he just came inside of her, and didn’t say a word. He pulled out of her, and then put his clothes on and closed the door and left– Leaving her to worry if she was pregnant or had a nasty STD.  

In one month in a half he found out that he was going to be a parent. And, you know what he did? He left her for another woman. What a bastard. But, this is not the end of Edwin’s story. Len kept calling his ceil phone, and he changed it. He moved to another department at work. When he did talk to her; he made her feel like it was her fault she got pregnant.   He went on to “greener pastures”, and “better things”.  Well, one day he decided that he was alone and needed someone. You see Edwin takes poor me medication–Prozac the miracle drug and he was feeling down. You see he is the kind of man that has to have love for his own selfish reasons.

He met another woman named Zandra, and this time he played the jealous (asshole) boyfriend. He called her at all times day or night. He drove past her house fifteen times a day,  and for days tried to get her pregnant. He told her she wasn’t good enough for anyone else, and belittled her any chance he got. He cried on the phone begging her to take him back when they had a fight. He also called her work several times a day. You see Edwin has had many failed relationships, and this is just another one of them.   Well, on with the story.

Edwin: Oh, you can’t go anywhere without my permission or talk on the phone without my permission. Last time you did I had to rip the phone out of the wall. You will see that no one will love you more than me. You are just too damn ugly for anyone else, and you are no good.

Zandra: You can’t control me! I am not your piece of property.  Get out!

Edwin: You don’t mean that. We are in love. (Crying–big tears running down his face)

Zandra: You can cry all you want!! You, fucking asshole! We have only been dating for two weeks, and I already hate you. Leave, or I will call the cops.

Edwin: You can’t call the cops without my permission. You can’t talk to another man. I want to marry you. I want us to live forever in holy matrimony. I love the way that we made love last night.

Zandra: You probably tell all your “past flings” that, and last night well you sucked in bed; you are a selfish fuck. It was like having a piece of wet spaghetti inside of me.

 Edwin: Don’t make fun of my manhood. You never say anything about my small love pole of lust, did you get that?

Zandra: Yes,  a “small” love pole.

Edwin: You do as  “I” say because I am a man. You will stop going to school, and stay home and be my wife. Do you hear me.

Zandra: No, I am not your property, and I am not going to do what you want.

Edwin: Yes, you are you bitch!!! (Edwin throws some of her things and breaks her TV)

She picks up the phone and starts to dial nine-one-one. Well, Edwin being the asshole that he is, pulled the phone out of the wall. The next door neighbor’s hear what is going on and call the cops. The cops come by and take Edwin away, but they just let him go. She then has to go to court to get a restraining order against him. That is when the stalking starts.

Edwin: (over the phone crying his ass off) Please, I am sorry I can’t live without you.

Edwin: (calling her work) Please, I am sorry I can’t live without you. It will never happen again. You can stay in school. I was depressed when I yelled at you.  

She hangs up on him and has the phone company block his number.

Edwin drives by her house fifteen times a day. He follows her to her classes. He follows her every move. He even misses work to stalk her.  She has to have someone walk her to her car after class. He confronts her in the parking lot one day, but this time she has another male student with her. Edwin tries to pick a fight with him, but Edwin backs down because he is a coward, because assholes are usally cowards.  Then she finds out that she is pregnant.

Edwin: She is my girlfriend. She belongs to me.  

Male student: No, she doesn’t. I suggest you leave or you are going to have some problems.

Edwin: Come on. You fucking college man!!

Male Student: I don’t think you want to do that.  Do see all the people in the parking lot, they all want to kick your ass. They all know about you.

Edwin: I am going but, I have your number. You better watch it. I am going to kick your ass when you least expect it.  (He starts crying and drives away)

She drives home and checks her answering machine. There is a message from Edwin, and he is crying his ass off. He says that he is going to date someone else, and that she was going to be sorry and that he was the best man for her. She doesn’t tell him that she is pregnant.  

Edwin then goes to the bar, and picks up a woman and they have hours of sex.  They have sex every way possible without any type of protection. Well, a month later he finds out that he is infected with an STD that made his little love stick dry up. He is now sterile, unable to make anyone pregnant ever again. What goes around comes around in a really big way.

FIN.





The Farting College women: Sexy Intercom Fun.

4 08 2007

WARNING: Rating: Adult. Adult Situations. Adult Theme. Gross Humor. Adult Material.  

Note: Oh, and don’t try this at home. These college girls are professionals.

Welcome to another episode of: The Farting College Women.

In this episode our three ladies are walking to a coffee shop to work on their homework. Well, what happened on the way, well you are just going to have to read.

Beth: I am damn tired of being put down all the time by those damn rich freaks in History Class. They only give me the time of day if they need help with their homework. They think the world owes them something, especially Muffy the leader of the group. Did you see what Muffy did last year with her computer? I will tell you what she did, she throw it away. Then this year she asked her daddy for a new one. I can’t believe that shit. I had to work all last summer just to buy my laptop.

Sandy: We can’t do anything about it, besides Muffy doesn’t know the true meaning of saving a buck. Hey, we know what it is like not to have the finer things in life. Society is just too damn unequal. The rich freaks keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer. The middle class, well we keep paying all the taxes.

Mandy: Didn’t Muffy’s dad get her out of a DUI? She went to rehab right?

Sandy: Rehab is the excuse for everything. I heard she made the jury at her trial think that she was the victim. Then she went to a rehab that was like a resort. What the fuck?

Beth: Look it’s Glassass-Buttkiss department store where all the rich freaks shop. You have to have an access card just to get in at that place.

Sandy: All they sell is over priced bullshit there. The rich freaks think that it is “all that”.

Mandy: I am going into that store and letting a big stinker over the Intercom. I am going to say my name out of my pretty butt if it is the last thing that I do.

Sandy: You can’t fart over the intercom; we will get thrown out and possibly arrested. I can’t afford to lose my scholarship.

Mandy: You won’t lose your scholarship, besides where is your sense of adventure? Come on let’s go and see if we can get in, besides it is the weekend. We can study tomorrow.

Beth: Sandy is right. We can’t get in there, and why would you want to fart over the intercom anyway? That is a stupid stunt.

 Mandy: Because rich freaks think that their crap doesn’t stink and they think they are above the law. The Judicial system totally works “differently” for them. They can afford to buy themselves out of a jam, money talks in their world in a really big way.   Look at all those SUV’s parked out front and those sports cars. I could pay for four years of college for what they paid for those cars.

Beth: I don’t envy rich freaks. It must be hard keeping a corn cob up your ass all day. Hell, I wouldn’t want one of those SUV’s; they get ten miles to the gallon.

Mandy: Why don’t we all fart over the intercom together?

Sandy: That would be a first time for me–farting over an intercom in a rich freak department store. I have gas.

Beth: Me too, but I am not farting over any intercom… no way.

The ladies walk to the entrance, a guy named Tyler is checking IDs.

Tyler:  Hello ladies! Welcome to Glassass-Buttkiss department store, can I have your access card please?

Mandy: We forgot it.

Tyler: I can’t let you in without an access card. You three are not wearing the proper dress attire.

Beth: Yeah, Tyler we forgot our access card. We just got back from our vacation in Rome, and we lost our access card while we were swimming in the nude. These are the only clothes that we have clean since we got back.

Sandy: The beach was so hot, I went nude everyday. I have a nice tan all over my body, Tyler. I even shaved my bush just so I could be like everyone else on the beach.

Tyler: You went to a nude beach? Oh, that must have been cool.

Mandy: Do you want to see my tan, Tyler?

Tyler: No, I am already horney enough. Go ahead, they are paying me minimum wage anyway.

Chad: May I help…you three ladies? Didn’t Tyler tell you that you  are wearing the wrong attire?

Beth: Yes, he did.

Sandy: He was such a nice guy to let us in to do some shopping.

Mandy: There is the Intercom.

Chad: Hey, you can’t use the Intercom because it is for employee use only. You three get out, NOW!
 

Mandy: Think of me as your best friend and you are lending us the phone. I just have to break wind and leave, I am so excited.  Do you like what you see? Am I sexy enough, Chad?
 

Chad: Yes, I like what I see. But, the Intercom is off limits.

Manager: Chad line two! Chad line two for customer assistance in the man’s department.

Mandy: Come on Chad do you want to break wind with us? We can have a threesome, you, me and Sandy. We can all fart at the same time or take turns farting in the intercom; it is your choice. I call it a fartsome. Beth is a party pooper; she is just going to watch.  

Beth: You damn right I am a party pooper.

Sandy: Mandy this is crazy. We are going to get busted.

Beth: Yeah, what are you doing?

Mandy: I am going to slip my pants off so you can see my panties Chad. Because, I am a real college woman. Do you like my see through panties, Chad? Do you see my muff, Chad? Isn’t it sexy!!

Sandy: How do you like her bikini see through panties, Chad?

Chad: I like them. I want them, oh please.

Beth: You two are crazy!!! I am not showing my panties. No, this is were I draw the line. I might fart in an assholes face, but I am not showing that guy my panties.

Mandy: What buttons do you press to use the Intercom? You panty freak Chad!

Chad: Press nine…three…six.

Chad: I am so horney. I have to go to the restroom, NOW!!!

Mandy presses the numbers. She takes her panties off and sticks her bare butt to the receiver and lets it all go.

Mandy:  Good afternoon everyone, and thank you for shopping at Glassass-Buttkiss. I want everyone to know that I am going to let off a big ass fart over the intercom. The gas is building. Here it goes: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDYYYYY pooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SSSSSSSSSS!!! Heeeee!

Sandy pulls down her panties and puts her bare butt to the intercom, and let’s it go.

Sandy: You said your name out of your ass! Your Butt said Mandy. Let me try…poooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! oooooo!oooooooo! OOOOOOOOOO! SSSSSS!

The farts echo throughout the store.  The intercom now has to be cleaned.

Beth: Sandy, what the fuck!!!!

Manager: Chad Code three, code three someone broke wind over the intercom.

The store becomes very quiet everyone looks at each other. Some people laugh and others just turn up their noses and walk out. Some blame others for the farts that went off over the intercom.

That evening:

News Man: Welcome to the nightly news. Today three college women went into Glassass-Buttkiss department store and farted over the intercom. Here is an interview with one of the customers that was in the store at the time.

Interviewer: Is it true you were buying a three-thousand dollar his and her noise trimming kit?

Anthon: Yes, I was buying my wife a noise trimming kit, and some fart filters, and a four thousand dollar diamond plated toilet plunger. And all of a sudden I heard this gross noise and everyone started blaming one another. Then I heard this silly little laugh, and then the manager called a code three over the Intercom. It was chaos, and I am so hurt. I have never heard farts so  disgusting in my life. I am going to need counseling.

Interviewer: We asked another customer and she had this to say.

Diane: I hope they catch those tarts that broke wind in the store today. I have never heard a fart released in my presents. Damn those heathens.

Interviewer: We interviewed a couple of the employees and they had this to say.

Tyler: They looked like they were nice, so I let them in.

Chad: They were wearing nice sexy panties, and had some real nice bodies. I am so horney. I could just…

Interviewer: We had to edit the rest of the interview.

The manager had this to say.

Manager: we are not pressing charges, because all they did was break wind. But, the next time they come in the store they will be in a lot of trouble. We do have a counselor on duty to help customers deal with this  tragedy.

News Man: Now you know what’s going on first. In other news…

The three college women watched the news and giggled their asses off.

FIN