The adventures of Self-Righteous Man: Self-Righteous Man is a Hypocrite in a big way

30 09 2007

Note: This short is not about anyone, it is a satire. If someone asks for money too much something is wrong, an organization of peace should be about helping people and not ripping them off.   

This is a short about a “self-righteous” man who thought he was all knowing and pure, he is intolerant of anything that doesn’t fit his world philosophy. Well, the weather changed when he got caught with an adult blow up love doll named Muffy the cyber Temptress. This story begins in a big city full of hypocrites and opportunists. A city full of people willing to brainwash and control the masses for profit and gain.

Characters:

Self-Righteous man: He gets caught with an adult love doll. He is human, but he thinks he is better than everyone else, he thinks he is above everyone.

The masses: The people that listen to the Self-Righteous man, and give him their money.

Greed: A bastard of true proportion.

Wife: Married to Self-Righteous man.

Self-Righteous Man: Welcome one an all I have the cure for your vices and misgivings. I have the cure for the lust that you have in your life. If you follow me you can have eternity at your finger tips. If you give to me out of the goodness of your heart we can build an empire together as one. You all are sinners. You are full of vices and I am the man to make them leave you once and for all.

The Masses: Good we need an answer to all our problems, we need someone to tell us that we are sick and that our vices are controlling our very lives. We don’t want to solve our problems on our own we need someone to tell use how bad we are, and put “fear” into our sin infested lives.

Greed: You tell them Self-Righteous man, and together we will have it all. You will never go without a new house, car, or money and power, and you will have political aspirations beyond your wildest dreams.

Self-Righteous man: Yes, greed bring me my fortune and power even if it is through manipulating people.

Greed: You will get power through your masses. They will bring you fame and fortune, and in exchange you will give them a false sense of security through fear and a pseudo sense that they will become “pure” again if they listen to you.

Self-Righteous man: Everyone out there I must continue to reach out, and heal you and get rid of the vices that you have inside of you. Give to me and your aliments shall go away, give to me and in weeks you will find something in your life that wasn’t there before, you will find a new life without vices and poor me medication.

The Masses: Thank you oh human righteous one. You are our guidance. You can do nothing wrong.

Self-Righteous man: Yes, I am all pure and without vice. (Crying) I have the power, and the love for all of you.

Greed: You tell them Self-Righteous man. You get their trust and then get in their pockets and pull out a fortune of great magnitude. You will have the poor and middle class eating out of your hands. You and your wife will be dinning at Upper Class castles. You will get the respect of leaders. You will have the whole world eating out of your hand all because you have money and power.

Self-Righteous Man: Yes, sweet money. I am going to build an empire on manipulating peoples emotions. I will be swimming in dough, they will be giving it to me with passion and grace.

Later that evening:

Self Righteous Man: I must purchase an adult blow up doll. I must fornicate with it’s plastic bosom. Then I will buy a porno and drink several beers. I am above everyone else, and no one shall know of my secret sins and vices that I have.

Then a problem happened, Self-Righteous Man got caught when his wife walked in on him. The doll also met an unfortunate accident…it popped.  

Wife: What are you doing with that latex love doll? You are having sex with an idol and not my bossom. Your public will know about this you sick freak.

Self-Righteous Man: You don’t understand! I am getting the demons out of this piece of plastic. It must be wiped clean, and I must put my righteous seed into it, so that the demons shall leave. Leave demons, be gone with you, oh yeah!

Wife: You are fornicating with it. You are having your way with a damn piece of plastic. You are having an affair with a damn adult love doll called “Muffy the cyber temptress”. What were you thinking?

Self-Rightoeus man:  Bad plastic, bad Muffy the cyber temptress, let the demons leave and be gone with you, oh yeah this feels so good.

The latex doll explodes as self-righteous man does it, but the sounds of moaning and cheesy porn music from his store bought porno continue to fill the room. His wife slams the door and runs to tell the public about Self-Righteous Man’s misgivings.

The latex love doll makes this sound:  pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Ooooo! Ooooo! ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Self-Rightoues Man: Come back  Maggie, the demons are gone. I have freed this piece of plastic from it’s demons of lust. I am even going to patch it so that it will be whole again.

It is too late his wife drove away in their One hundred thousand dollar sports car to tell his public what he had done.

Greed: Now you have done it you went and messed around with a plastic blow up doll and now we will lose our millions and billions.

The next day:

Self-Righteous man apologises to his public.

Self-Righteous man: I did something wrong (tears and makeup run from his eyes) I loved a piece of plastic. But, the good part is I got the demon out of it.  I patched it, and it is sitting in the front row. I was able to get thirty-four psi back into it with my air compressor. The patch was successful. She is whole again.

The Masses: We forgive you. (crying) You can do no wrong.

The End

You may ask what happened to Self-Righteous man? He is still going strong ripping off people and accumulating mass wealth manipulating peoples emotions. Remember if you come across something that doesn’t seem right, then it probably isn’t. Watch out for the opportunists there are thousands of them willing to make a buck off playing on people’s emotions and giving them a false sense of security.





The Farting College Women: Mandy’s big surprise.

20 09 2007

POST RATING: ADULT. ADULT CONTENT. ADULT THEMES.  

Mandy: My parents have asked me to go with them to a dinner party this evening. It has something to do with my dad’s company.

Sandy: Wow, your parents are in town?

Mandy: Yeah, I am not really happy. My mom is always asking me if I found a man. She wants me to get married, and live in a nice little house with a white picket fence.

Beth: It seems like every man you find, you always end up blowing a fart in his smug face. Look, bitch you are better off without a man.

Mandy: I guess so Beth, but I do like a nice cock every now and then.

Beth: Use a vibrator; you will have less headaches and emotional baggage. I have to get to class. Let me know if you want me to go to that dinner party with you.

Mandy: I will let you know. Beth?

Beth: Yeah!

Mandy: Thanks for being my friend.

Beth: You’re welcome.

Sandy: Don’t mind Beth, she is just bitter.

Betty: I heard that bitch.

Mandy: She may be bitter, but she is right most of the time.

The door slams, and Beth leaves.

Sandy: I have to get going. I will see you after class and work, Beth is giving me a ride home.

Mandy: OK.

Sandy leaves and phone rings it is Mandy’s mom.

Phone: Ring, Ring, Ring!!!

Mandy: Hello!

Mandy’s Mom: Hello, Mandy. We are going shopping today. We have to get you a dress that looks nice, so you can get a man.

Mandy: Mom, I have clothes to wear. I don’t want a man. I want an education, and freedom.

Mandy’s Mom: You are going to that dinner party, and you are not bringing your friend Beth. She is too weird to be seen around my “friends”, and she comes from a middle class family.  We are an upper class family, and you will only have upper class friends.

Mandy: Who cares mom? She is a good friend. Your rich freak friends all have corncobs up their asses.

Mandy’s Mom:  How dare you talk about my friends that way, leave them out of this conversation? All I am saying is if you don’t go to the party I am cutting off your college funding, you will not get another dime from me or your dad.

Mandy: Who decided to take my funding away?

Mandy’s Mom: I did! Your dad has no say in the matter…he doesn’t know about my plans (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.woo-haaaa!).

Mandy: You can’t do that. I love being independent. I am almost done with college. Dad will be pissed; he will never let you do this.

Mandy’s Mom:  He will never know. You need a man. I met your dad in college. We met the first week I was there, and then I quit college never to return.

Mandy: Yeah, that was when women went to college to meet a man. The times have changed. Hell, I don’t need a man to have an offspring. I can go to a sperm bank, and get sperm from a cup. I don’t need a dick to get me pregnant.

Mandy’s Mom: Well, times have not changed for you, I will see to that.  I am sure that you are not a virgin. That was one thing that I was when I met your dad…a VIRGIN!!!!! 

Mandy: It is none of your business who I have sex with, I am twenty six years old.

Mandy’s Mom:  You have been having sex, and you just admitted it. You have to repent your sins. You sinner! You damn little tramp!!!

Mandy: Goodbye mom. I won’t be going to that party.

Mandy’s Mom: Please, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to lose you. I will make it up to you. Please come to the party.  Please. What can I do? I have a nice man for you.

Mandy: Is your mental illness acting up again? You should try taking your medication that would be a start, and stop thinking that your shit doesn’t stink because it does. You need to stop judging people, and look at your own fucked up life.

Mandy’s Mom: College has corrupted you. YOU BETTER BE AT THAT PARTY!  I HAVE A MAN FOR YOU TO MARRY!!

Mandy: Now, you are arranging marriages. That is bullshit.

Mandy’s Mom: Don’t you back talk me. Your new man is picking you up at six, you better be ready. I am sending you a dress, because I am in any mood to see you. You better wear the dress…or else.  (CLICK)

Mandy’s mom hangs up.

Mandy: What a freak. I think she has gone too far.

Mandy spends the rest of the day studying for finals. She looks up at the clock and it is four o’clock. Beth comes home with Sandy.

Beth: Hey, bitch I am home.

Sandy: Would you stop calling everyone a bitch…Beth. I am not a bitch.

Beth: You know that I don’t mean it. You and Mandy are my bitches. Come and give me a kiss, hot muffin cakes.

Sandy: Get away from…Mandy what is wrong? Why are you crying?

Mandy: (Crying) My mom made me go to the party, she is sending a man to pick me up at six.

Beth: Why that bitch!!

Sandy: You called her a bitch. I am confused?

Beth: No, I mean Mandy’s Mom is a really a bitch. She can’t get away with this trying to arrange a date and possible marriage.

Sandy: He might be nice.

Beth: Sandy would you stop being a party pooper. He is probably a prissy smug control freak asshole with a big bank account and not much else. Mandy why are you crying? 

Mandy: You haven’t seen the dress that she sent me to wear. Look at this…

The dress is eighties style. It is pink with fluffy balls on it.

Beth: This dress sucks! Does she think you are going to prom or something?

Mandy: This is my prom dress!! What the fuck. My mom has gone totally insane.

Sandy: It has nice puffy balls on it.

Beth: Sandy, you are making things worse.

Mandy: She wants me to start over. The last time my mom was able to control me was when I was in high school. She told me who I could date! She made me break up with a guy that I was seeing, because he was middle class and didn’t have the same “beliefs” as my family. I really hurt him. My mom is never going to control me again.

Beth: I have a plan, but first we have to see what your “man” date looks like?

Sandy: He might be cool.

Beth: He may have also been forced to go on this date. If he was we can give the party goers a show that they will never forget.

Sandy: What are you going to do…Beth? You aren’t going to get Mandy into trouble are you?

Beth: Sandy? Would you stop being such a worry freak!

Mandy: What are you going to make me do?

Beth: Let’s just wait for your date? Mandy make sure you put sexy panties on. You know the ones that expose your woman goods.

The ladies wait until six pm. Her date shows up. He drives up in a normal looking car. He rings the doorbell. Beth answers the door.

 Beth: May… I help you?

Zack: My name is Zack, and I am here for Mandy against my will.

Beth: Come right on in Zack. We have been expecting you.

Zack: I am not here because I want to be. It is because my mom is insane. I was told to come to this dinner party. My mom thinks that I need a woman. She threatened to take away my college funds.

Beth: Mandy is having the same trouble with her mom.

Mandy: Hello, I am Mandy.

Zack: Nice to meet you Mandy. I am not interested in you. I have my own friends, and I am not going to wear my prom suit or date you. My mom sent me a plane ticket to come visit. I get out here and she tells me that I have to pick you up at six pm. My dad knows nothing about this arrangement.  I go to college two thousand miles away. This makes no sense at all.

Mandy: I have the same problem.  I am not interested in you either. You are good looking don’t get me wrong.

Zack: Don’t worry about it.

Beth: I have a plan to get back at your rich freak moms.

Sandy: Beth, don’t get involved. This is not your problem.

Beth: Sandy, it became my problem when Mandy’s mom had a problem with me being middle class and weird.

Sandy: Well, I guess you are right.

Beth: You damn right… I am bitch.

Mandy: What is your plan?

Beth: You will go to the dinner as planned. You will wear your normal clothes, but you will start making out in front of all the dinner guests. You will even show certain taboo body parts.

Mandy: Are you crazy?

Zack: She does have a point at least it will make my mom think that I am straight.

Beth: Are you straight?

Zack: Yes, but my mom doesn’t think so, because I don’t have a woman in my life. I don’t have time to see anyone. College takes a lot out of me.

Mandy: I get that a lot.  I think I will wear the prom dress. I can’t wait to see the power hungry look in my mom’s eyes when I walk into that party, and seeing her crap her pants.

Zack: I think I am going to wear my prom suit, but I am not going to wear any underwear.

Beth: Are you going let your big ball’s hang out?

Zack: Yes, I am going to give those rich freaks the show of their lives.

Mandy: Me too. I am going to get dressed.

Zack and Mandy get dressed. Beth goes to the corner flower shop and gets flowers for both of them. They are now ready to go to the party.

Beth: You two look really great. Are you nervous…this is your first date. I am going to be your driver tonight, and Sandy will be your back seat driver.

Mandy: Hell, no I am not nervous let’s do this.

Zack Yeah, I guess I am ready.

Sandy: I am not a back seat driver.

Beth: Yes, you are… you are always telling me how to drive.

Sandy: I am not.

Beth: You are too.

Mandy: Would you two put a dildo in it. We are going to be late for the party.

They get in the car and drive to the party. They pull up to the party. There are all kinds of rich freaks. They are drinking twelve hundred dollar bottles of wine, and talking about all the shit they own. They see Beth’s car pull up, and people laugh. When Mandy’s mom sees Beth she gets pissed off, and goes inside. They park the car and they go inside. They are carded at the door, no one under twenty-one is allowed.  Beth is dressed in a suit and tie. Sandy is dressed in a dinner dress with flowers. Beth grabs the microphone as the Zack and Mandy walk in.

Beth: Welcome one and all. I want to introduce to you a loving couple. A couple that is so in love that it hurts to see them. I want you to give them a big hand.

The crowd cheers. 

Mandy’s mom passes out. Mandy and Zach make their introduction kissing and petting each other. Zack lifts up Mandy’s dress. She is not wearing any panties. She strips off all her clothes and so does Zack. They run around naked chasing each other. Beth stays in the microphone.

Beth: How about that ladies and gentleman. You are witnessing true love. Love that only certain people in the audience can arrange. You see Beth didn’t want to go on an arranged date with Zack, but two people in audience threatened to take away their college funding.  These certain people would rather see their offspring be married, than become productive educated citizens.  You see some parents just can’t get it right. They are too busy worrying about their offspring “straying” away from their teachings that they ruin their offspring’s lives. 

 Zack and Mandy dance naked in front of the crowd as Beth makes her speech. Some people leave others stay in amazement.

Beth: Ladies and gentlemen. This will be their first kiss of the evening. It will be more than a kiss. It will be the kiss of lust. There might be some pussy kissing and their might be some shaft sucking, because they are in love.

Mandy’s Mom: That will be enough Beth. You have made your point. You are right I was trying to control Mandy. I envy her that little bitch. I wanted her to be as miserable as me in my filthy marriage. Well, you can have your fucking college money Mandy. Just go put your fucking clothes back on.

Mandy walks to the microphone.

Mandy: Mom you have done it this time. I am not a bitch, and I am going to put my clothes on. Zach and myself  are going to put our clothes on when we are ready. There is one thing that I must do first before I leave, because I have homework.

Beth: Yes, there is one thing that we must do…fart in the microphone. Yes, we have gas that is stuck in our asses. Zach, would you join us?

Zack: Yes, I would love to. I have a fart brewing in my man ass too.

They all get in a circle and point their asses toward the microphone, and let it all go. Their farts are so loud and nasty that the cops come because someone called complaining about the gas and the noise. The three ladies left the party with Zack, and they all went back to their lives. Zack calls Mandy sometimes to see how she is doing. Mandy is glad to have best friends like Sandy and Beth. And the most important thing is that she is free to choose who she wants to see. 

 FIN 





Hypocrite Environ-mental freak finds an office…

15 09 2007

 POST RATING: ADULT. ADULT SITUATIONS. ADULT CONTENT.  ADULT THEMES.

Environ-mental Man: I am going to a save the environment rally today. I want the world to think that I care. There is going to actors and political people of all kinds in attendance– people that can afford causes.

His Wife: Can you fill up the SUV on your way home. That V8 burns too much gas. I just filled up on Tuesday, and today is Friday. I just went downtown and bought thirty-five hundred dollars worth of clothes. I bought four thousand dollars worth of shoes, and I bought a new five-thousand dollar mink fur coat made with real fur. Hey, as long as I have my fur the ozone layer can all go away.

Environ-mental Man:  I got a new pair of three-hundred and fifty dollar sandals just for the rally. How do you like my dirty unclean hair and new drum? I had the hair salon make sure my hair looks nasty and authentic. I paid three hundred dollars for this nasty unclean looking haircut.

His Wife: That is the price you pay for being fake.  Hey, I am fake all that time, and I don’t even have to act. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he)

 Environ-mental Man: I think you are wrong. I am no fake. 

His Wife: Yes, you are! All of us rich freak political smug people are fake; we all want the world to think that we care. And if they think we care we can rule the world, and do exactly what we want. (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Environ-mental Man: I might be a fake, but I am going to bang on my drum for the environment. I just took my first hippy dance and drum class this week. I think I can make them think I am intense.

His Wife:  Most hippies don’t take drum and dance lessons Environ-mental Man. They just learn it through experience. What vehicle are you going to drive? You are such a smug ass. You have to drive the sports car.  

Environ-mental Man: The members might think that I am a hypocrite if I drive the SUV that only gets ten miles to the gallon on a good day. I am going to drive the small car with the big dent in the left door and “the save the earth or it will die sticker” on the bumper. I want to look like I’m the modest intense hippy type.  I am borrowing a puppy from the pet shop to make it look like I am traveling with my dog in the car.

 His Wife: You own a chemical company, you are far from modest. You are going to drive the one-hundred-thousand dollar sports car it has a V-6 in it with Satellite radio, power steering, and GPS. You are a rich freak, you need to show it.   

Environ-mental: The share holders own the company and don’t forget that. I am just profiting from it. If I don’t ass kiss the public into thinking that I care about the environment no one will take me seriously. How can I fulfill my plan of world domination, if I don’t drive a small car and act like I am humble?

His Wife: You can pull the wool over everyone’s eyes. I know that you have been having an affair with your secretary. She told me that you have been doing her during lunch, and in between meetings, and in her car in the parking lot and at her house, and at motels from here to the county line. 

Environ-mental man: Yes, I have. You just aren’t giving me the “pleasure” that I need. She wants me to leave you. Now, I can’t leave you because that would create a scandal, I am just about to run for an office. I need a clean slate, because I am a man of power, and men of power have no power if they get caught doing their secretary. I tell her that I am going to leave you when the election is over.  

His Wife: I don’t care if you are banging your secretary. I have a secret…and you are going to like this one. I am banging someone too. I am banging your friend Mr. kick-back Smith. He does me real good, and his wife even joins in on the fucking. She films him doing my pussy, and sucking my tits.  

Environ-mental man: This is a fine time for you to be doing Frank. I am going to have a talk with him.

His Wife: No, you are not you are just as guilty as I am. You see I have needs too, and you don’t fulfill them. So, I am going to his place while you are ass kissing the environmentalists into believing that you care. So, go and get into your three hundred dollar car and take your silly haircut and sandals and get the fuck out.

Environ-mental man: I will get the fuck out… and I hope that frank has premature ejaculation issues.

His Wife: He doesn’t. He can hold his orgasm for hours. He even has enough left over for his wife when I leave.

Environ-mental man: I am going see you later.

His Wife: I won’t be here when you get home, so I won’t leave a light on.

Mr. Environ-mental man goes to the rally. There are all kinds of people dancing and banging on drums and venders selling t-shirts for twenty-three dollars and fifty cents. There are venders selling environmentally safe food, for fifty-dollars a pack. There are venders selling hats and back scratchers that say “save the earth or it won’t save you”.  There are VIP tents where you can get a three-hundred dollar bottle of wine, and forty dollar bottles of water all going into the venders pocket.  The rally has valet parking, and Mr. Environ-mental is on the “A” list, and if you are hot they have tents you can sit under for fifty-thousand dollars.

Rick: Hello, Environ-mental man how do you like my haircut?  I want the world to know that I care about the environment. I just donated thirty-five thousand dollars to saving our world. I really care. How do you like my dog?

Environ-mental man: Your dog is fine. Your haircut is like mine.

Rick: The dirty hippie haircuts are in this year. Hey, don’t tell anyone, but this dog is not my real dog it is part of my outfit. Well, I better get back to my wife. She is still sore from the nose job that she got this week. I love her new nose, it looks so sexy, and I love her new tits even more.

 Environ-mental man: That is great. Have you seen Fake actor man?  

Rick: Yes, he is over there dancing in a trance. He just got back from a third world country he spent a week over there. He really know what it is like to live there.  He cares so much…bye.

Environ-mental man: Hey, fake actor man. 

Fake Actor Man: Hey, Environ-mental man I like your haircut it is the same as mine. Do you want to join us; we are dancing to purify ourselves. Here put on this lotion and all of the chemicals that are bad in your body will come out at the application area…it really works. The bottle only costs three-hundred dollars.

Environ-mental man: No, I have to give my speech on environmental issues, but I will buy a bottle.  I do need to get the chemicals out of my system.

Fake Actor Man: I want you to know that I care. (Tears) I am dancing away the pain.  Do you want to dance with us? I like your dog.

Environ-mental freak: He and I are traveling all over the great land to save the Earth.

The speaker: Hello everyone before we get started today I have an announcement. Do you ever get that not so good feeling! (The crowd cheers) Well, I know that  I do. If you go to the tent in the back you can get an enema for five-hundred dollars. It will make your butt feel like a million dollars. Well, without further introduction I give you Environ-mental man.

Environ-mental Man: Welcome everyone I hope that you all are having an earth saving day. I came here to tell you that the earth is falling apart that if we don’t do something, we might all just fall off this big rock. I am running for office, and if I am voted to office I will give everyone a save the Earth tee-shirt and cap. I will also tell the gas and oil companies to stop making oil and gas, and tell people to stop farting.  

The Speaker interrupts Environ-mental man.

 The Speaker: Do you have gas? Do you have problems with hot air after a big bullshit speech to the public? Well, we have the cure: hot air be gone. It only costs three hundred dollars a bottle and you can purchase it in tent five-d. Now, back to the speech everyone.  

Environ-mental man:  That is really a great product. It really gets rid of the bull-shit stains, and for three hundred dollars you can’t beat that. I just used it today. There is something that I need to get out into the open (crying) I think the Earth is crying out for help. It is saying help me. You know if I am in office, I will make sure that I free the world. Thank you.  

The crowd cheers and everyone votes for him. He gets into office by ass kissing and out right lying. His wife keeps banging his friend. He keeps banging his Secretary. Life is still the same nothing changed. He forgets about the environment, and gives tax breaks to the rich and big corporations. He gives makes money off Oil and Gas. Some of the people that voted for him get poorer and he and his rich friends get richer.  He makes sure his chemical company gets all the government contracts.

 It is good to fight for the environment. However, it is not good to use it to get into office (because it is popular topic) and then doing nothing about it. The Earth really is paying the price for our greed and ignorance. Support the Earth, but question your leaders.

Note:  It is OK to be a hippy, but only if your heart is in it.  

FIN





The Bar Bastard who left in a hurry…

8 09 2007

There once was a man who thought he was grand.
There once was a man who thought he was great.
He went to a club to get some, but soon he would be on the run.
He walked in the club like a stud all decked out in his best clothes.
He walked to the bartender with love and ordered some wine, because he thought he was fine and sophisticated.

He had just broken up with his wife, and he was looking for someone to take her place.
You, see it was his fault his marriage broke apart because he treated his wife like a piece of meat and shit.
He also thought he would make his ex-wife jealous by seeing another woman, but you know what she didn’t give a shit.
She was glad that he was out of her life.
He is the type of man that never takes the blame. It was always someone else’s fault…not his.

He saw a woman on the other side of the bar, and he came to her like a fly on a piece of shit.
She was all alone and his for the taking.
He bought her drinks and tried to get her drunk, but she refused his advances.
He put on the charm.
She was just there to enjoy the music and unwind after a long day.

He wanted to get in her pants.
He wanted to get her with all his might.
He was burning to do her pussy and suck her tits.

She wouldn’t give him the time of the day, so he decided to make her pay.
She was on to his game and when she went to the restroom he followed her into a stall.
Why don’t you want me you bitch he yelled?

You are not the one for me she said.
You are an asshole no wonder why your wife left you.
He started to grab her and force her against the wall.
He grabbed for her clothes.
He thought she was the one that was going to take the fall, well he was wrong.    

The woman grabbed him around the head and forced it into the toilet and flushed. It was just her luck someone had left a huge piece of shit in the bottom of the toilet she grinded his face in it as the toilet flushed. Then she pulled his head out he was shit faced and soaked. She said “don’t you ever touch me again you fuck, now get the fuck out of my face”.

The other woman in the bathroom just laughed.
The man didn’t say a word as he came running out of the bathroom with shit on his face.
The whole bar laughed and shouted at him. The band even stopped playing.

What happened to the man you ask? Well, he never bothered anyone again and a got a bad case of tapeworms.

 FIN…





Asshole Love Cycle II

7 09 2007

The Asshole Relationship TimeLine:

* Asshole meets women.
*Asshole goes on date with women.
*Asshole seems normal at first.
*Asshole starts talking about marriage, because asshole needs “love” and hates to be alone.
*Asshole has been married five times.
*Asshole has sex with woman on first date—he does it by making her feel sorry for him.  He even cries big tears of selfishness.
*Asshole says he can’t have an offspring, and refuses to wear a condom.
*Asshole changes once the date has ended.
*Woman has pregnancy scare.
*Asshole starts being an asshole just after their third date.
*Asshole starts belittling, acting jealous, throwing stuff and pulling the phone out of the wall.
*There are no dates all asshole wants is” loving”.
*Asshole becomes jealous of small animals.
*Asshole has Bi-Polar disorder and abuses alcohol.
*Asshole comes to her apartment drunk wanting loving, but can’t get it up.
*Woman wants to stop seeing asshole.
*Asshole stalks and harasses woman.
*Woman gets restraining order.
*Restraining order doesn’t work.
*Asshole tries to get back by crying, and saying he will change.
*Woman leaves town to get away.

This ends the asshole love cycle II.

* If you are in a bad relationship get out and get help. There are people in your community that can help. Life is too short to live it in fear.