The Farting College Women: I farted in his face song.

31 10 2007


Mandy: Hello, I am Mandy from the Farting College Women and we have put together a song/ poem. It is a heart warming song/ poem about farting in a man’s jerk ass face. Oh, and I hope that you like our show on Satire Society. Hey, “society is not what it seems”.

Sandy: You tell them Mandy.

Beth: Yeah, Mandy.

Mandy: You may think that I don’t like men, but you are wrong. I think Beth likes me.

Beth: Hey, I heard that…and yes I like her.  

 Mandy: I just don’t like men that are assholes, and men you know who you are, so just stop being assholes.

Mandy: Lyrics, harpsichord.
Beth: Drums.
Sandy: Guitar, lyrics.

Beth: Are you ready Mandy? Are you ready Sandy? Here we go: one, two, one, two, three, four.

Mandy sings: 

He told me that he loved me.
He told me that he was true.
But, all he did was make me blue. 

He tried to do me one night.
I said no, so he started a fight and tried to make me cry.
Then he told me he cheated on me with my best friend carrie-anne, that is when I knew I had to pass gas in his punk ass face.
I had gas building in my ass, and I had to let it go fast.

I farted in his face with so much grace.
His face, his face I farted in his face.
He told me that I had bad taste as I let it go without any disgrace.

He told me it tasted bad.
He asked me what I ate.
But, my fart had already sealed his fucking fate.
Then he gagged so irate and then he barfed up brunch just before lunch.

He ran away, because I made him pay.
His face, his face, I farted in his face.
I don’t feel bad for his ass, because I farted in his face.

He ran away, he couldn’t take the pain.
He told me that he was going away today.
Then I farted, I farted again in his fucking face.

My fart smelled like spoiled toast, my fart smell rotten eggs.
I farted, I farted in his face, and I didn’t hesitate.
I farted, I farted in his fucking face.

The joke is on him as he wiped the crap that came out of my ass from his smug ass face.
I farted, I farted in his face.
He will not bother me again today.

Mandy: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Crowd: Claps and whistles.


The Farting College Women: Lust magic gone bad

30 10 2007


This is the Farting College Women that you all have been waiting for…Mandy finds love. But, will Beth’s jealousy and love for Mandy ruin Mandy’s chances at getting a man with a big dong…find out now!

Mandy: Hey, I have a date tonight. He is a dream I tell you, a passinate dream.

Beth: I thought you were done with sperm chuckers…Mandy. Don’t be weak, you don’t need a man to complete you. You have Sandy and me.

Mandy: This guy is a dream…he made me fall in love with sperm chuckers all over again. After he asked me out I wanted to take off all my clothes and give him all of me. I think he felt the same.

Beth: We will see how long this little love moment lasts. I have to go to class, and then work.

Sandy: Leave Mandy alone Beth. There is a time and a  place for true love and maybe she found it. Love is so much fun. It makes me feel all emotional inside.

Beth: Yeah, taking a dump makes me feel all emotional too, but the feeling doesn’t last it subsides. Once I pop off  a huge dump in the toilet and throw a few farts, I don’t feel intense anymore. I feel like getting on with my life.

Sandy: You always make love look dirty and cheap Beth. He might be good for Mandy.  

Beth: Yeah, all he probably wants to do is suck Mandy’s  tits and do her tight hairy pussy. Damn sperm chuckers…I am out of here.

Mandy: Bye…bye…Beth.

Sandy: See you later Beth. Don’t let the cranky bugs bite.

Beth: Fuck you Sandy, and fuck you too Mandy.

The door slams and Beth leaves for class and then work. Later on that evening Mandy is getting ready for her date.

Sandy: Hey, Mandy Beth isn’t home yet. I am getting worried. She is never late for Monday night movie night. I got a copy of Rich Freaks Farting in the wild. It is about rich freaks blowing nasty farts and ruining their reputations.

Mandy: Maybe she got tied up in traffic, or maybe she wants us to feel sorry for her and go looking for her. She has done this before…don’t you remember?

Sandy: Yeah, you are right. She has done this before. She will show up, but she seems to always show up around the time that we go on our dates. Well, I haven’t been on a date for sometime.

Mandy: She is not going to ruin my chances with Edwin. I have a feeling he has a big dong, and I want it and nothing is going to stop me!

The phone rings it is Beth.

Sandy: Hello, Beth. Where are you? You got stuck in traffic. I am not going to make Mandy and Edwin wait for you. Mandy is a twenty-five year old women. Bye…Beth. I am hanging up.

Sandy: That was Beth and she wants you to wait until she gets home to go out with Edwin.

Mandy: She is crazy he will be here any minute.

Ding-Dong the door bell rings it is Edwin. Mandy opens the door and lets him in, he is charming. But, Sandy doesn’t totally trust him, there is something wrong with him. She can’t put her finger on it yet.

Edwin: Hello Mandy are you ready to go out?

Edwin sprays on the breath fresher.

Mandy: I will be ready in a few minutes.

Edwin: OK, but don’t take too long. I have plans for us tonight.

Sandy: What kind of plans?

Edwin: They don’t concern you…Sandy.

Sandy: OK…will guess I will go in the other room.

Edwin: You go do that.

Mandy walks out of her room joining Edwin in the living room.

Mandy: Where is Sandy? She usually loves talking to my dates.

Edwin: She went in the other room. I think she had to use the can or something.

Mandy: That is weird. Well, are you ready to go?

Edwin: Yes, I am ready for love.

Mandy: OK…let me get my jacket.

They walk to Edwin’s car she opens her own door. Mandy gets in and they go toward Edwin’s house.  

Edwin: I thought that we would go to my house. I am not up for “dinner” and a “movie”.

Mandy: OK…whatever you want to do.

Edwin: Would you marry me. I need love so bad.

Mandy: Marriage is not in the picture right now. I can’t marry you. I don’t even know you.

Edwin: Why not? I need love. (crying)

Mandy: Are you stoned or just a moron?

Edwin:I can guarantee you I am  not stoned.

Mandy: Well, that leaves the other part of the question. You probably have a profile on one of those sadistic dating sites that pride themselves on saying that everyone  has been background checked. Well, they missed you, or you lied about your sanity.

Edwin: Whatever?

They drive to Edwin’s house. They walk in his front door. Meanwhile back at the apartment Beth is going crazy.

Beth: Have they left yet?

Sandy: They have been gone for fifteen minutes.

Beth: Why did you let them go?

Sandy: He seems like a freak…Beth.

Beth: Mandy has poor taste in men. That is why I wanted you to wait for me. Damn you Sandy!

Sandy: Sorry, but I have to agree with you that guy is a jerk and a psycho. He told me to go in the other room…can you believe that shit?

Beth: What was his name?

Sandy: Edwin, or so he said.

Beth: That guy is a known poor-me-love-sucker.  He takes all the love out of someone and then replaces it with sadness, depression, guilt and pain. He makes a woman feel sorry for him, he might even cry a few tears. Then he gets women to feel sorry for him and then gets them to have sex with him.  We need to get Mandy away from him, before it is too late.

Sandy: What do we do? I don’t know where she went.

Beth: Don’t worry she is in my love triangle on my cell phone. We can track her phone via GPS. Let’s hope she didn’t forget her phone. But, I am sure that they went to his place poor-me-love-suckers don’t like to do anything else but screw on the first date.

Meanwhile at Edwin’s place of doom. Mandy and Edwin are getting comfortable. He is dishing out one of his poor me stories, and has Mandy felling sorry for him. She is all emotional. Will, Beth and Sandy get there in time…lets find out.

Edwin: When I was young my mom didn’t buy me a toy (crying) that I wanted. She told me that she didn’t want me to have that toy. I cried. That hurt me and that has followed me all my life. I am so emotionally hurt by it.

Mandy: You must be hurt. Come here and let me huge you.

Mandy hugs him, but he doesn’t feel right.

Edwin: Can you take off your clothes…please I don’t want to be alone tonight.

Mandy thinks about taking her clothes off. Then she realizes that he might be a poor-me-love-sucker. Meanwhile in Beth’s car. Beth and Sandy find Mandy’s cell phone via GPS using Beth’s where the hell are you option on her phone.

Beth: I have her phone she is the purple dot on the map. It looks like she is on butt street down by the waste management plant. I am sure glad that I got the where the hell are you option on my phone.  Step on the gas you crazy freak.

Sandy: I am driving as fast as I can. I am going to get a ticket. I have already got two tickets this year.

Beth: Come on bitch…take one for the home team.

Meanwhile at Edwin’s love cage. Mandy slowly slides off her clothes as Edwin watches. He slowly takes off his clothes as well. He is using his lust magic on her. But, there is something wrong as he takes off his white underwear. It is so small. She can’t believe it. She now knows that she was wrong about him.

Edwin: You have a beautiful body, but you sure have a lot of pussy hair. I love your nice big breasts and ass. I want to lick you.

Mandy: I quit shaving last month. It takes too much time, besides too many people do it to look “sexy” and be accepted by society. I am tired of conforming to what society does.

Edwin: I want you to shave. You march into that bathroom and do it this instant.

Mandy: No. I refuse, and it is time for me to go. I am going to put my clothes back on.

Edwin: No, I didn’t mean it. Please, I beg of you don’t leave me. (crying) I need love. I want love. I have to have love. (crying). Here let me take my clothes off.

Mandy: You really are fucked up. I am out of here.

Edwin: I am all naked. Do you like what you see?

Mandy: I see that you have shaved your balls but not much else. Your little reproductive stick is a tad bet small for me. You should go join the adult circus. You know the circus for adults only.

Edwin: The circus? What do you mean by that?

Mandy: For having the smallest reproductive stick…you should be in the freak show.

Mandy goes to put her clothes on Edwin stops her.

Edwin: Oh, no you don’t. You have your clothes off and now you are going to give me some loving. I need to be loved.

Mandy: OK, well we are going to do this my way.

Edwin: We are going to do it my way or you can take the highway.

Mandy: OK, I am out of here… the highway sounds good.

Edwin: I didn’t mean that. We got off on a bad note. Here let me kiss you.

Edwin kisses Mandy and they start kissing more.  He dreams of doing Mandy all night long. Then the front door flies open and Beth and Sandy come inside to stop Edwin’s evil plan.

Edwin: My love tool is ready for you.

Mandy: OK…I don’t know why you even bother to get it up.

Edwin: I am going to do you slowly.

Mandy: Whatever…you have nothing that I want, besides that little thing you have has premature ejaculation written all over it.

Edwin: Stop ruining the moment. This is very romantic. I took you home and told you sweet nothings and wooed you all night long…if you know what I mean.  

Mandy: No, this is as romantic as loving a wall.

Edwin: It is going to feel so good to me. I am going to give you some of my “lust” magic. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he)

Beth swings open Edwin’s front door.

Edwin: Who are you?

Beth: I am not your friend if that is what you think.

Mandy: Thanks Beth. I thought I was a goner.

Beth instantly takes off all her clothes and farts in the Edwin’s face. The gas is so bad that Edwin’s eyes burn and then he barfs up his cookies. Sandy is filming all the action.

Beth: You will not have my friend tonight…or spread your lust magic on her.

Edwin: I think you are wrong. I will have it all. What are you doing?

Beth: I am going to strip off all my clothes and fart in your face.

Edwin: You wouldn’t dare. I am man!!

Beth:It is a good thing you are one the bed. It makes it much easier for me to spread my cheeks and blow a big one in your face pretty face.

Beth sits on Edwin’s face and blows a huge nasty fart in his face.

I am going to sit on your face. You are going to love this…ass munch.

Edwin: No, please…don’t fart in my face. I have heard about you…you are the farting college women.

Beth: Yes, you are so smart. Here it goes…this is not my first time. (poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..asasasdasdadadad!)

Edwin:It burns…it burns…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I am going to throw up! Oh…BARF)))))

Beth: Did you get that on film…Sandy.

Sandy: Sure did…Beth.

Beth: Come on Mandy let’s get you home.

Mandy: With pleasure…bye…Edwin.

Edwin:What did you eat…Beth. I am going to BARF))))). You haven’t seen the last of me Farting College Women.  I will have my gas mask on next time…you hear!  BARF))))))

The three slam the door and drive away leaving Edwin in his barf.

Mandy: That bastard needs counselling.

Sandy: Tell me about it. What a jerk.

Beth: Let’s watch a movie and forget him. You are safe now Mandy.  What did you get for us to watch tonight…Sandy?

Sandy: I got Rich People Farting in the Wild. It is a tape of rich people farting in public and ruining their reputation…thus proving that their shit stinks.

Mandy: That sounds good. I will by the pizza.

Sandy: OK.

Beth: OK

The three get home and have a great movie night.


Toilets in Trouble: From a toilets point of view

27 10 2007

Welcome to the first edition of toilets in trouble. This story is about a toilet that is stuck in a rich freaks house and all the pain that it must endure. Thus, without further ado I give you toilet stuck in a rich freaks house.  Enjoy. 

Hello ladies and gentleman I am a toilet. Yes, a toilet in a rich freak’s bathroom. You may think that I live a life of luxury and opportunity. You may think it is easy being in a house filled with people that love money and oppress others because of their  social status and economic background…well it’s not!

It is the early morning splashes in my bowl from crap filled with water chestnuts and three-hundred dollar health food. They usually let out this type of crap after their morning jog or workout at the “club”.   It is the daily pissing filled with bottled water surprise mist and five-hundred dollar wine droplets all over my porcelain rim. It is the twice daily barfing filled with chunks of half digested food that really make me sick, because you know they have to watch their weight and the only way they can do it is to barf-and-scarf. You may ask who barfs-and-scarfs: everyone in the house.

It is the nightly drunken pissing where they miss my bowl and piss all over my rim and side. It is the weekend party escapades where a drunken spolied  rich freak holds on to me for dear life and then cries their little ass off because they are so drunk that they can’t stand up…then they barf all over me.

You know what is gross? It is when they sit on me and strain, just the sound of their voice makes me sick, and their farts make me gag. You know what is even sicker? It is when they flush foreign objects such as pregnancy tests, tampons, cigarette butts, and their prescription tablets down my system. I hate it when the husband brings home his mistress and he screws her on my closed lid. Then he pulls out because she isn’t using any birth-control pills. He being a politician doesn’t want to become a deadbeat offspring creator. He also doesn’t want to have to “lie” to the public.  He then cums all over my rim and seat in huge spurts. He always yells out “MONEY” when he cums.  This is all going on when his wife is home… it is sick…damn these rich freaks I can’t take it anymore.

You may ask how do I make it from flush to flush. Well, I just keep a positive mind, and hope everything goes down. I realize that I am a toilet and toilets get wiped off and get a fresh start. Hey, just last week the husbands mistress used me and let out the most disgusting piece of crap, it took a couple of times to flush. It was a log filled with diet pills and bean sprouts because she is watching her “weight”.

Then she did a pregnancy test. It came out positive, and she threw the test in my bowl and flushed. The pregnancy test screamed all the way down the pipes…poor thing it never did anything to her it just gave her the “news”. She left the bathroom laughing an evil laugh. I wonder what she has on her mind? I bet it is money, power, and blackmail.

It is a sick world. I have seen people so stuck up that when they use me they spray fifteen-hundred dollar perfume on me and in the room. Because, you see they don’t want others to know that their crap stinks. It does let me tell you…their shit and farts. It makes me want to puke, and sometimes I have to puke spilling my water all over the floor and walls. I puke because some toilet paper doesn’t agree with me…and certain types of crap don’t agree with me either.

Hey, just last week I was minding my own business when along came the husband, he let off a shit the size of a small city. It is not the shit that bothered me it is all the bullshit gas that he blows out of his lying asshole. You see the husband is a politician, and all he wants is power and control. SICK!

Well, I can go on forever, and nothing will change. They have been talking about getting rid of me. They want a new toilet that wipes their ass for them. They want a new toilet the disperses air freshener into the air, so their shit doesn’t stink. I say they are messed up inthe head. Hey, all these people want is something that will make them look like they are so special.

Then the rich freaks sit on my seat and talk about crap that makes no sense. Here is one of their conversations:

Rich Freak husband: Hey honey do you want to come over and do me? (poo) (poo) Opps, sorry a I farted.

Rich Freak husband: You do want to come over. I am off the campaign trail and my wife is doing some charity work across town. I could use a good spanking.

Toilet: My seat now smells like shit because he is naked sitting on my lid and playing with his despotic love tube. Damn his tofu farts…damn them to hell. Then she tells him…she wants to get him off, and that he better leave his wife.

Rich Freak Husband: You want to get me off? Well, my lust hose needs some “licking”. (pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!) Damn I have gas. I can’t stop farting. You want to stop me from farting? Damn your smooth.

Toilet: Now, I am about to puke. His tofu enhanced farts are making me want to empty my bowl. I now have a burn mark on my lid…oh the humanity.

Well, there you have it another day in a cesspool at a rich freaks house. Next, time you go pay a little respect to toilets we are the peacekeepers of society.

 Thank you for reading Toilets in trouble tune in next time when a toilet breaks down at a country club. Cause of the breakdown: too much bullshit build up in the restroom.


Deadbeat offspring creator.

23 10 2007

There once was a man who loved to create offspring(s). He had an offspring here and an offspring there. He had an offspring everywhere. He just couldn’t keep his despotic tool in his pants. Well, he came across a rich woman, and he wanted so badly to get her pregnant, so he could marry her an live happily ever after. Well, he finally did marry her and got all kinds of toys and riches beyond his wildest dreams. They had an offspring together.  Then their marriage feel apart and he was without money. What did he do he tried to get the offspring, so he could get money out of her. He didn’t care about his other offspring that was born into poverty, all he cared about was the money.  Yes ladies and gentleman money talks in a real big way. Here is his not so nice story.

* Deadbeat offspring creator is : Beven Fibbernight.
* Girlfriend one is: Liz
* Girlfriend two is: Candy Green
* Secuirty Guard: he is just himself.
* The Judge: he is the law.

Beven: I am leaving you. I can’t stand this crappy hell hole that we are living in; we are dirt poor and I need money.

Liz: You can start by getting a job. I am with offspring, and it is yours. Because, you insisted on not wearing a condom, and that you couldn’t get me knocked up. Well, I think you can because I have living proof growing inside of me.

Beven: I don’t give a rats ass!  I have casted my seed throughout the land of milk and honey (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha), and you are just another notch on my bed post (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)!!!

Liz: Why do you say such hurtful…stupid things?

Beven: Because I am a star, and I have talent. I can dance and sing…bitch!!

Liz: Yes, “talent” if you think having talent is premature ejaculation and skid marks in your under shorts.

Beven: I make you cum every-time. I love my tool of lust.

Liz: Ha…that is a laugh I fake it every-time just to get you out of me.

Beven: Oh, well at least I get my rocks off, and my cum is as good as gold. I am out of here, and don’t expect a dime from me when I become rich and famous. I can dance and sing…and I am a model.

Liz: You don’t have a dime, but you might have a couple of pennies. Where are they?

Beven: You just wait and see I am going to dance and sing, and I will be swimming in cold hard cash. And you can’t have any!!! I will be on the “A” list before you know it (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha).

Liz: Bye….I don’t need you. You deadbeat offspring creator.

The dirty poor jester (Deadbeat offspring creator Beven) leaves Liz in search of fame and fortune. He goes to a cesspool called Hollywood where he meets his ticket to fame an fortune.

Beven waits in line for his grand opportunity at a talent search. He pushes his way to the front of the line.  

Beven: I am here for the talent search. I can sing and dance…forget all these fucks.

Crowd: Who are you calling fucks?

Beven: Take it easy I was only joking.

Talent Agent: Yeah, just like the rest of these aspiring…”talented” people. Go to the back of the line.

Beven: Take it easy guy…I have what it takes. Here is ten dollars for first place in line.

Talent: Ten dollars that isn’t crap I make that much in five minutes…to the back of the line or get the fuck out of my face.

Beven: Whatever, you freak. I don’t need your line…I don’t need anyone (crying).

Everyone claps and yells bravo!!! Beven thinks they are serious. He does a silly little dance for them, but no one laughs or even cares. The crowd goes back to waiting in line. Then he sees an actress that catches his eye.  He sees candy Green an actor, but all he sees is green.

Beven: Do you know where I can get some…food? I am a little lonely…I just arrived in town.  I have no friends in this city called Hollywood.

Candy Green: There are lots of places to eat can’t you see? All you have to do is just pick.

Beven: I didn’t mean me…by myself. I meant with you.

Candy Green: Are you asking me out?

Beven: We are both stars, and stars always “date stars”.

Candy Green: I haven’t seen you here before. What movie are you working on?

Beven: I am not working right now, but I am dancer. I can sing; I am a star.

She went to lunch with him, and from that day on they dated. He lived at her house…always claiming that we was going to get his big break. Well, there was no big break. He was a gold digger without a plan. He got choppers and clothes and bling-bling of all kinds.

Candy Green: We have been dating for six months, and you still haven’t got a job. I am late, I might be carrying an offspring.

Beven: That is good we can get married. I will not have an offspring out of wed lock. I am man of morals.

As Beven told her how much he “cared” his ex-girlfriend texts him  letting him know that she had the offspring into poverty. He texts her back and says that it is not his and he never knew her, and she will not get a cent of his celeb money.

Beven: I will be right back. I have to answer this text message.

Candy Green: Who is it? This is no time to answer a text message.

Beven: Yes, it is a good time. I will tell you when it is a good time…you shut up!

Candy Green: Stop being an asshole.

Beven: That is right I am an asshole…but I can sing and dance.

Candy Green: I am out of here…get out of my house!!!

Beven: I didn’t mean it. Please don’t kick me out…I am going to be a star. I am going to sing and dance…and model.  I am going to sing and dance into riches beyond our wildest dreams. I am going to get movie and record contracts.

Candy Green: Yeah, well you sure have a fine way of showing it.

Beven: I do don’t I, and soon the contracts will be coming in. I am such a stud. Would you marry me, so we can live happily ever after.

Candy Green: Yes, I will marry you. I am so in love with you.

Beven: I have a special present for you. It is your engagement ring…look how it shines, and look how expensive it looks. Here…let me put it on your hand.

Well, the engagement ring was bought with her money, so basically she bought her own ring. And when he asked her to marry him he wasn’t thinking of love, all he was thinking about was the bling-bling and his new toys. They got married and the offspring grew inside of her. He continued his partying and playing and drinking and doing other “things”. He was the greatest Deadbeat offspring creator of all time.

Candy Green: I have something to tell you.

Beven: I am playing my new video game…not now. I am going to party at seven pm.

Candy Green: OK, well I am going to a photo shoot.

Beven: I will see you after a while. I have to go pick up my new motorcycle, and the new car that I bought see ya.

Candy goes to the photo shoot, and then has lunch with her lawyer. She is thinking about divorcing Beven, but she fears he might try to get everything. She made a big mistake by not signing a prenuptial agreement. Because,  you see people these days have no respect all they want is money, and Beven is no exception. Then the months went by and the offspring was born. Beven continued to party his ass off even more leaving Candy Green at home to attend to the offspring’s needs.

Candy Green calls Beven on his ceil phone to come to the house.  

Candy Green: Beven we need to talk.

Beven: I know honey, but I have to finish this poker game. I am not having a good day.

Candy Green: I have canceled all of your credit cards and cancelled all your accounts. I want a divorce.

Beven: You bitch…how could you do this to me. You have emotionally hurt me and I am going to take you to court. I want the offspring it is mine and you are going to pay. I am coming home to talk some sense into you….bitch.

Candy Green: I have a good lawyer, and I am going to fight you. (Click the asshole hangs up)

When Beven comes home he finds that the locks have been changed. He bangs on the door, and no one answers. His new motorcycle and car have been sold. His cloths are all at the front door.

Beven: You let me in your freaking bitch. I am going to sue you. I am…going to sue.

The security guard comes out to escort him off the property.

Security guard: Beven don’t try anything funny. I have to escort you off the property.

Beven: Don’t touch me or I will sue you. You are just a security guard and I am a star.

Security guard: I don’t think you are star. You are a deadbeat offspring creator.

Beven: How dare you say that. I love my offspring. It is my life. I will have you fired.

Security Guard: Fired…ha! You stupid dirty bastard.

Beven: I am not stupid you are stupid, I am star and you are security guard.

Secuirty Guard: You are a deadbeat offspring creator.

Beven: I am not. I am out of here. I don’t have to take this anymore. I am going to go party and get a record contract. I can dance and sing, and even model. I have talent and you don’t.

Security Guard: You just keep telling yourself that you have talent. Have a nice evening.

Beven: I will, and this time next week I will be back in Candies arms.

Security Guard: Yeah, whatever.   

Beven goes and parties, and he crashes out at his “friends” house. In the morning when he wakes up he finds divorce papers on the front door step. He gets pissed and then goes crazy. It is all over for him–the money, the toys, the parties. He is nothing without his “rich” wife. He is a talentless deadbeat asshole with no where to go. He decides to get custody of the offspring so that she will have to pay marital support so he can continue his “gold digger” lifestyle.

Beven: How dare you serve me divorce papers. I was good to you, and you repay me like this. I am taking you to court I want the offspring it is mine.

Candy Green: Fat chance of you getting the offspring you were never there for it and me. All you did was party.

Beven: I love the offspring. I am caring father who wants only the best for his offspring.

Candy Green: All you care about is the money. You don’t give a rats ass about your other offspring’s because they are all poor. You think you can win in court…well all I say is bring it on bitch.

Beven: I will, I have a great law team.

Candy Green: How can you afford a law team? You don’t have shit for money.

Beven: I do have some money saved…from you.

Candy Green: That is really smart Beven using my money against me.

Well, a court case soon ensued. Beven was not going to let anything come in the way of the money that he though was his. He made the public think that he was the best offspring parent the world had to offer. He made his wife look like a bad parent. Well, Beven is just about to learn his lesson. Here is the closing arguments in their custody battle.

The Judge: Beven…the jury has found you to be an incompetent parent. You have never been there for your offspring. You have made you ex-wife look like an unfit mother only for personal gain, so that you might get offspring support.  You have not paid offspring support to your ex-girlfriend, and you are ten thousand dollars behind on back support payments.

Beven: You are wrong…judge. I am a star and that bitch over there is nothing but a bitch.

Judge: Shut up and stop being redundant…Beven, or I will hold you in contempt of court. You are to start paying offspring support to you ex-girlfriend. And your ex-wife wants you out of her life.

Beven: What will I do for money. I need money!!!!!!!! Money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Money!!!!!!!!!!! I have no more toys. I have no more motorcycles. What am I going to do…damn you judge.

Judge: Get a job…you might have to work at burger emporium.

Beven: I will never work at burger emporium…I am a star. My hands and feet are as good as gold.

Judge: Yeah, whatever. I am going to bring out the violins.

Beven: My lawyers are going to appeal this, aren’t we you guys.

Lawyer: Sorry you ran out of money. We can’t help you anymore. See ya!

Beven cries a huge river as he leaves the courtroom. His ex-wife goes on to make thirty more movies, and his offspring never gets to know him. He is homeless still claiming that he is a star. He is now a professional begger and smells like shit.