The Farting College Women:Thanksgiving Farting Spectacular..

30 11 2007

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT.  ADULT THEME.  ADULT HUMOR.

This is a holiday episode that you will not forget. Sandy is forced to go home for Thanksgiving, and she doesn’t want to go  home alone. It is up to her best friends Beth and Mandy to help her on her journey.

Mandy: It is finally Thanksgiving vacation. I don’t have to work, or go to any classes. I am going to sit on my ass, and watch TV the whole time.  

Sandy: Aren’t you going home for Thanksgiving? Don’t you want a home cooked meal, and see family members that you haven’t seen for a while.

Mandy: No, way after what happened at my parents dinner party, they don’t want to see me for awhile. And, besides it sucks seeing family members that you don’t see except at holidays, wedding and funerals. I just sit there and have nothing to say, they have no idea what is going on in my life. The more they ask about me the more I don’t say.

Beth: Hey, bitches. What’s up? It is Thanksgiving holiday, and I don’t have to go anywhere. I am going sit in my bedroom and fuck myself with my vibrator and watch porn.

Sandy: You are so nasty Beth. You make the holidays sound like dirty days.

Beth: Hell, yeah! I am not going home, and I am going stay here and eat tuna fish sandwiches and vinegar chips, that is a well balanced Thanksgiving dinner.

Sandy: Can I ask you two something? I have a big favor to ask…of you both.

Mandy: Yeah, what is it?

Beth: You know that you can tell me anything. We are good like that.

Sandy: You promise you won’t be mad?

Mandy: It depends on the question. You can’t borrow my fishnet stockings or my water squirting dildo.

Sandy: It’s not that.

Beth: Hurry up and tell us already.

Sandy: I want you two to fly home with me. My parents are begging me to go. They say they have a surprise for me. That is what scares me. I haven’t been home since I started college, and besides I already bought your tickets, so you can’t say no.

Mandy: Well, I guess I can go.

Beth: I can always sell my ticket to the highest bidder.

Sandy: Beth!!!

Beth: OK, bitch I got your back. When do we leave?

Sandy: Tomorrow morning at six am.

Mandy: Six am? Why the hell so early. I have to start packing now.

Beth: Hey, I am not sweating it. I am already packed. I got the clothes on my back.

Sandy: Beth, you need at least four changes of underwear, and something nice to wear.

Beth: Just joking I will be packed by tonight, but don’t expect me to put on some perfume, because I don’t go that route. I am not going to smell like fresh roses on a summers day for you or anyone.

Sandy: OK, you don’t have to wear perfume, but you do have to wear deodorant.

Beth: What do you think that I am…a heathen?

Sandy: No, but I want you to look nice.

Beth: Look, I am going to dress the way that I want to, or I am not going. I am not going to be someone that I am not. Do you got that.

Sandy: I a got. I got it. Wear whatever you want.

Beth: I hope your parents aren’t going to introduce you to a sperm chucker or something.

Sandy: My mom has been pushing marriage for the last few weeks. She thinks I need a man.  She hates me being alone in this big city without a man to protect me. She wouldn’t  go that low on a holiday would she?

Beth: Just because you are in your late twenties doesn’t mean you have to get married; it’s not the end of the world if you aren’t married Sandy. I wouldn’t put it past your mom….especially on a holiday to try to bring a “man” into your life.

Mandy: I have to agree with Beth. It happened to me…remember.

Sandy: Yes, I remember, and your mom hasn’t called since then.

Mandy: It is better that way. I will call her when I am good and ready. Right now, I have to pack.

Beth: Sandy please tell me you got us seats in the same row?

Sandy: No, I couldn’t in such short notice, but I am sure that you will be fine.

Beth: You know how I don’t like sitting next to people that I don’t know.

Sandy: Yes, but you will live.

Mandy: Maybe I will be seated by the man of my dreams.

Beth: Mandy…he doesn’t exist.

Sandy: There is no use crying over spilled milk. Let’s pack and have a nice trip.

The three women pack, and the morning comes too soon. The three women put their bags in Sandy’s car and drive forty five minutes to the airport. They go through security and find their gate.

Beth: I am glad we are at the gate. It took forever to get through security. Those guys are sure picky.

Sandy: They have to be picky…because it is the holidays.

Announcer: Flight thirty five one two will be departing in a half hour. Everyone can begin boarding now.

Mandy: That is us.

Sandy: I hope that coach is OK. We won’t know what seat we got until they scan our tickets.

Beth: It is fine as long as I don’t have to sit by some asshole.

Mandy: Beth you are such a fatalist.

Beth: Yeah…I wouldn’t want it any other way.

The flight attendant scans their tickets.

Sandy: Mandy you and I are sitting together, and Beth you are sitting across from us.

Beth: Just my luck.

The women walk on the plane and find their seats. They put their bags in the over head bins.  There is a guy sitting in the window seat looking very pissed in Mandy and Sandy’s row. Beth gets a window seat, but is stuck sitting with two college age guys.

Chad: My name is Chad.

Beth: My name is Beth. That is all that I am going to say.

Chad: I am not hitting on you.

Beth: OK, as long as we got that straight.

Chad: Where are you from?

Beth: I am from Earth.

Chad: I know that…where are you from?

Beth: A place.

Chad: Never mind…bitch.

Beth: Thank you.

The guy in the window seat sitting next to Mandy and Sandy is pissed off because they put him in coach. He is a rich freak actor and thinks that he is better than everyone else.

Mr. Ass-tooth: I am sitting in fucking coach. I deserve better than this; I am royalty. I want to sip champagne at thirty thousand feet and not some flat cola drink. It smells back here.

Mandy: Mr. would you please be quiet and shut up. My friend and I are trying enjoy our flight, and you are making it bad for us.

Mr. Ass-tooth: I most certainly will make it worse for you two. When I tell the flight attendant that you two are bothering me, because it is everyone else’s fault that I am the way that I am. I refuse to take the blame for any of my actions just like everyone else in society.

Sandy: That is why society is going to hell.

Mr. Ass-tooth:   I can say and do what I want…because I have money and everyone thinks I am a good guy. I am royalty among actors…you peasant chick.

Mandy: Oh, no he didn’t…he just call me a peasant chick.

Sandy: Calm down Mandy and let it go.

Beth sees her friends being bothered by Mr. Ass-tooth. Beth gets up and tries to get over to Mandy and Sandy’s row, bur Chad won’t let her.

Mandy: Beth… sit down! We can handle this…

Beth: The bastard is bothering you.  

Sandy: Beth…shut up.

Beth sits down and stares out the window. Chad laughs at her.

Mr. Ass-tooth: Do you know who I am…flight attendant these women are bothering me.

Flight Attendant: Are you bothering this man ladies?

Mandy: No, he is bitching about his seat. We just told him to shut up.

Mr. Ass-tooth: I was not bitching. They are accusing me of bitching. I am going to sue if these ladies don’t shut up.

Flight Attendant: You ladies better just be quiet. I don’t want any trouble.

Sandy: But, he…

Mandy: Shut up. We won’t have to see him after this flight.

Sandy: OK…we will be good.

Flight Attendant: Good…I am sorry Mr. Ass-tooth. We put you in the wrong seat. We have a seat for you in first class.

Chris: You damn right you do. Were is my seat?  And there better be some champagne and a nice soft pillow for me to sleep on. You peasant.

Flight Attendant: Right this way Mr. Ass-tooth.

Sandy: What an asshole.

Mandy: The guy has issues. I think he has a corn-cob up his ass…or something. Isn’t he the guy on TV that keeps talking about saving the earth, and dates all those anorexic stars with prescription drug problems?

Sandy: Yeah, I think so, he is one of those two-faced people that talk about one thing but mean another. The only reason why he has gone “green” is because it is in, and he can afford to have a cause and it makes him look good. It is OK to save the environment…if your heart is in it.

Mandy: You got that right.

Beth gets up to move over to Sandy and Mandy’s row.

Beth: Excuse me Chad. I am going to sit with my friends.

Chad: You can’t do that. This seat was assigned to you and this is where you stay…honey. You bitch!

Chad Grabs Beth.

Beth: I am warning you…you better let me go.

Chad: What are you going to do about it?

Beth: Break your balls.

Chad: I want to see you try. I have balls of steel, you skank.

Beth: OK, you just sealed your fate.

Beth punches chad in balls so hard that they crack like eggs. Chad at first let’s out a loud scream.  Then he just says nothing.  

Chad: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My ball..s…aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! I am Sterile. I can’t reproduce!!! They are cracked. My balls are cracked.

Beth: I just took you out of the gene pool. You shouldn’t breed anyway…bye now. Remember, reproduction is a privilege not a right.

Chad: Why are you so mean? You fucked up my balls. I didn’t ask for this. I just wanted to get your attention and get me some loving in the airplanes restroom. I am sure you have a hot pussy.

Beth: What makes you think that I would bang you? I wouldn’t bang you even if the human race depended on it you…ball-less blunder.

Beth walks across the isle and sits with Mandy and Sandy.

Beth: Hey, Mandy. I believe that is my window seat.

Mandy: Be our guest.

Sandy: What did you do to that guy?

Beth: I punched him in the balls.

Mandy: You sure shut him up.

Mandy: I guess that is why he is doubled up in his seat and being nice.

Beth: Yeah, well the guy had it coming, enough about him.  I can’t believe Mr.  Ass-tooth was bothering you guys. The guy can’t act all he does is look pretty, and makes millions doing it.

Sandy: Hey, in today’s entertainment world you don’t have to have talent all you have to have is looks and know whose ass to kiss.

Mandy: And know what ass cheek to kiss.

The plane took off on time and the rest of the flight was uneventful. They made it to their destination and rented a car. They drove three hours to Sandy’s moms house and just pulled up to the driveway.

Martha: Hello, Sandy. It is so good to see you. Who do we have here?

Sandy: This is Beth and this is Mandy.  They are my best friends from college. This is my mom Martha, and my dad’s name is Frank.

Mandy: It is nice to meet you.

Beth: Nice to meet you.

Martha: It is very nice to meet you Beth and Mandy. Let my husband take your bags up stairs. Our other guests will be coming later on tomorrow. Frank get your ass over here, and take their bags to their rooms…you asshole.

Frank: Yes, mistress, don’t hurt me. I will take their bags up to their rooms, as long as you lick my ass raw.

Martha: I am going lick you later. You fucking bastard.

Frank: Yes…I would love that. Oh, please lick my ass raw.

Sandy: Mom…have you gone crazy?

Martha: You father and I are trying to save our marriage. It seems that sex is the only way to save our doomed downward spiral marriage.  Anyway, I have someone that I want you to meet. He just flew in today and will be here tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner.

Sandy: You aren’t trying to push off a sperm chucker on me are you?

Beth: This place is as crazy as my parents house.

Martha: Sperm Chucker…I am not sure that I follow what you are saying dear. What was that you said Beth?

Beth: I said this house is as cozy as my parents house.

Martha:Oh…thank you. Frank and I are both retired, and all we do these days is stay home and screw.  Well, it is getting late, I am off to bed. FRANK get your ass to the bedroom now, and put on those fucking leather chaps!!!!

Frank: Yes, dear. Yes, my mistress. I will do your bidding. Please lick it. Then I want to lick your ass.

Martha: OK…I want you so much Frank.

Mandy: Sandy that is fucked up. Your parents are freaks.

Sandy: Well, they used to be normal until my mom caught my dad in bed with a dominatrix, and she has been punishing him since then. I didn’t know it was this bad. It sounds like their marriage is in jeopardy.

Mandy: Damn downward spiral marriages.

Beth: I am ready for bed. It is late. Do I need ear plugs…it sounds like your parents are going fuck all night.

Mandy: I was going to ask the same thing.

Sandy: They might make some noise, but not too much…just ignore them.

Sandy shows Mandy and Beth to their room. They get ready for bed, and jump under the covers. The three ladies fall asleep fast after Sandy tells them to shut up.  

Mandy: I think her parents are crazy. (whispering)

Beth: They are like a couple of college experimentalists.

Sandy: I am trying to sleep. Would you two please be quiet. We all know that my parents are freaks. Go to sleep.

Beth: Yes, they are, but they are kind of cool.

Sandy: Beth.

Beth: OK. OK. I will shut up.

The morning comes, and the three women sleep in until eleven, and by that time the guests are already arriving. Beth’s mom wakes them up.

Martha: Wake up. It is eleven. Sandy, Beth and Mandy get up.

Sandy: Why didn’t you wake us up sooner….mom. I could have helped you prepare dinner.

Martha: I wanted it to be a surprise. You three get ready and come to dinner. I have been cooking since five this morning.

Beth: Wow, we are going have a real home cooked meal.

Martha: Yes, and with all the fixings…Beth. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he)

Beth: That is a weird laugh.

Mandy: Yes, it is.

Sandy: She is just nervous. That is all.

Mandy: Keep telling yourself that…Sandy. Keep telling yourself that.

The three women get ready. Beth even wears something nice, and Mandy she goes all out.

Martha: Are you three ready?

Sandy: Yes, mom.

Martha: Sandy I want you to close your eyes. I have a big surprise for you. Take my hand dear.

Sandy’s mom leads her down the stairs and takes her to the table.

Martha: OK, open your eyes.

Sandy opens her eyes. Sandy couldn’t believe it, it is  Mr. Ass-tooth and Chad.

Sandy: Mom that guys an asshole, he made of fool of himself on the plane. He was bitching about having to sit in coach. And that other guy Chad got his balls crushed for being an asshole.

Chad: You damn right I did. I had to go to the emergency room and have them put back together again.

Martha: You know these guys?

Beth: They were on the plane yesterday, and made total asses of themselves.

Martha: Well, I guess introductions are out of the question. Please, sit down everyone, and take a load off. My husband will be right out with the main course. Frank get your ass in here…now.

Frank: Yes, Mistress. Yes, Mistress.

Mr. Ass-Tooth: I don’t know your daughter, and I wouldn’t bitch about being in coach I am a humble person. I am an environmentalist actor, and I don’t care about status, because we actors are above the curve in every way in Hollywood.

Beth: You mean corn-Cob-vile.

Mandy’s Mom: Shut the fuck up Ass-tooth. I thought you were better than that. I thought you cared about people. Get the fuck out of my house.

Mr. Ass-tooth: I didn’t say mean things to them on the plane. They are big fucking liars they want to ruin my reputation, my career, and my chances with you.

Sandy’s dad comes skipping out of the kitchen and drops the turkey on the table and skips back in the kitchen.

Sandy: Mom what is wrong with dad? He is wearing a superman suit, a cape, and bunny ears.

Beth: Cool. This house rocks.

Sandy: Beth?

Beth: Oh, sorry.

Martha: He is not right…but he is still your father. He has been like this since we started role playing. I forced him to be submissive, but playful.

Mr. Ass-tooth: Martha, please believe me. I would never call these fine women liars. That wasn’t me a couple of minutes ago. Please, I want you to know that.

Beth: Shut the fuck up Ass-tooth Martha is talking.

Sandy: Why is Frank so Submissive?

Martha: I told your father to stop being an asshole, and if he didn’t stop being an asshole and a controlling prick I would leave him. Well, I guess it worked, because I got the last laugh. Look at him running around in his superman tights.

Mr. Ass-Tooth: I thought you loved me Martha. I thought you cared? I thought that was why you invited me here today.

Sandy: What is he talking about mom…loving him.

Martha: Chad is your half brother.  Mr. Ass-tooth and I had a fuck fling and I became pregnant, before I met your dad. I thought I would bring everyone together for the holidays– family and illegitimate family. Chad Mr. Ass-tooth is your father, and I am your mother.

Chad: We are family. (crying)

Martha: I seems you are sterile, and can’t breed. It is better that way.

Sandy: Shut the fuck up all of you. You screwed ass-tooth, and had his spawn. What did you see in this man? He is butt ugly. Look at his fucking face. It looks like shit.

Martha: I don’t know. I think I was out of my mind.

Sandy: You think…

Mr. Ass-tooth: I am not that ugly, and with plastic surgery I am a prince. Look at my complexion…I love myself.

Beth: This is fucked up right here.

Mandy: I have to use the restroom, come on Beth.

The two get up and head for the restroom.

Sandy: You two stay right here!

Beth and Mandy sit back down. Sandy’s dad comes in and sits down.

Frank: What is wrong with everyone? Let’s eat.

Sandy: I just found out mom fucked ass-tooth and had Chad.

Frank: That is nice pass the butter.

Sandy: Aren’t you going say anything. Aren’t you the least bit concerned.

Frank: Let’s not talk about this at least for another slice anyway.   Everyone have a slice of Turkey. There is plenty. Eat up!

Mr. Ass-tooth: I will not have any turkey. I will not have any yams, until you say you love me Martha. I need you to love me…and stop fucking around with my feelings. I need more than just anorexic actresses with prescription drug problems. I need real love.

Beth: It sounds like you don’t know what love is…Ass-tooth.

Martha: I don’t love you. I never loved you. You are just some guy I banged. Frank and Sandy are my family…now. Aren’t we Frank?

Frank: Yes, mistress.

Mr. Ass-tooth: It looks like our bang created a son. I want alimony. If you can’t love me. Then I will sue you. Sue…you….you!!!

Beth: Shut the fuck up. You were never married to Martha to begin with, so how could you get alimony. You are delusional you bastard.

Mr. Ass-tooth: You damn right I am. Because, in today’s world greed rules and selfishness reigns supreme. And it is always someone else’s fault because no one wants to take the blame for their own actions. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he)

Beth: That is it. I am going let him have it.

Martha: Are you fucking stupid Ass-Tooth. You never knew you had a son until today.

Chad: I was raised by a pack of wild dogs. I am so glad that I know who my parents are, I needed this. It is too bad that I am sterile.

Sandy: Just remember Chad creating an offspring is a privilege not a right.

Mr ass-tooth: How dare tell me these things. I am going to sue all of you, because you hurt my feelings. Chad I am suing you because you are what has become of my sperm. Martha I am suing you because you took my sperm after we finished banging…it was my property.

Martha: That was property of yours that I wished that I never had.

Chad: You hurt my feelings…no one wants me.  

Beth: That is it. I have to let Ass-tooth have it.

Mr Ass-tooth: You are going to let me have it with what. I am an actor. I am above the curve, and this Turkey tastes like shit. Shit I tell you. I am leaving.

Frank: Well, you can just leave and not come back. I am just going to put an inflatable adult love doll in your place.

Mr. Ass-tooth: How dare you put a piece of plastic above me. This chair I am sitting in is not to be washed. I am a man a prestige…and taste.

Beth: You are going to taste my ass gas in a second.

Martha: I told you not to talk about that inflatable adult love doll in companies presents…Frank.  You know how much I love it and need it.

 Frank: Yes, mistress.

Mr. Ass-tooth: Why are you calling her mistress…Frank. You are more of a man than that.

Martha: He is three hundred times the man that you are once I turned him into a submissive little love freak.

Sandy: My parents are crazy. I need to leave this house. I need to be out of here.

Martha: Sandy, we are not not crazy. Frank and I are in love….in love.

Sandy: Do you call love having an adult love doll, and licking each others asses raw. You tought me no sex before marriage, I have lived up to that promise. What has happened to you…you are not my parents.

Mandy: Sandy has never had sex before?

Beth: Some how I saw that coming.

Martha: We have become sexual beings.

Beth: Sexual freaks is more like it.

Martha: Whatever Beth. Sandy, Beth, and Mandy and everyone can just leave. Get the fuck out of my house every last one of you.

Frank: Anyone want pie. We have apple, cherry, and pecan.

Mr. Ass-tooth: You are totally oblivious to what is going on around you Frank. You all are a bunch of peasants, and I am the lord of the manner.  You could have married the lord of the manner Martha, but you choose him: Frank peasent fuck-job. Fuck you all!

Beth pulls down her pants and exposing her red lace panties. Then she takes her panties off. Her exposing her beautiful hairy pussy.   Inside of her ass there are Turkey farts brewing. She has to fart on Mr. Ass-tooth before it is too late.

Martha: What are you doing Beth? You put your pants on now. This is not the time or the place for nude exploration, this is a holiday for hells sake.

Beth walks in slow motion toward Mr. ass-tooth. Mr. ass-tooth starts to run, but it is too late.

Mr. Ass-tooth: What are you doing Beth?

Beth: I am your worst nightmare…you prick.

Beth gets up on the table knocking off the mashed potatoes, and a couple of pies. She bends over and puts her ass in Mr. Ass-tooth’s face…and farts.

Mr. Ass-tooth: Get your ass out of my face. Damn…you! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Beth: I am going fart in your face. I am going to let it all go.

Chad: What the fuck.

Sandy: Let it go. Let him have it.

Beth blows the biggest fart that she has ever blown. It echos throughout the house.

Beth: This is not my first time I have done this.  I am going to fart in your smug ass face…Ass-tooth.

Mandy: She means business.

Ass-tooth: Martha help…me. You can put a stop to this nonsense.

Martha: She is a grown woman, and there is no stopping her.

Beth’s Ass: Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! OOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOO! OOOOO! POPOPOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SSSSSSS!!!!!!! (Echo) OPPPPPPPPOPOPOPOPOPOSASSSSPODPSODASPDOPOSS! (Echo)!!!!!!

Beth: Damn that burns, but what a rush. I feel so much better everyone.

Mr. Ass-tooth: A….my eyes! They are burning! My skin is melting. I am Melting. I can taste turkey…and wine…and ham, and it came from her ass.  I am going to barf.

Mr. ass-tooth barfs all over the table. Everyone else just stares in amazement.

Chad: I think his plastic surgery is melting off his smug ass face.

Sandy: Damn face jobs. It isn’t worth looking like something that you are not!!

Mr. Ass-tooth: I am leaving. And you haven’t heard the last of me…Beth!!! I am going to get you and your farting friends.

Martha: I hope to not see you soon.

Frank: So long.

Beth: Bye…now.

Sandy: See ya!

Mandy: Bye!

Chad: Laters.

Mr. Ass-tooth leaves in a hurry. Everyone helps clean up the mess. The three spend the rest of holiday relaxing and having a good time at Sandy’s moms house.

Happy late Thanksgiving…everyone.

FIN





Toilets in Trouble: Plunger fun sees it all…and it’s hardcore

22 11 2007

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT. ADULT LANAGUAGE. ADULT THEME.  

Hello ladies and gentleman I am a Toilet at the Rolling hills Rich Freak country club. It is pretty bad here. Hey, I am the top of the line toilet they paid a fortune for me, but life in this bathroom is well…shitty. Let me explain. You thought that being stuck in a rich freaks home was bad, try being in a rich freaks country club. The people that come here pay hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to be members. Many don’t think their shit stinks…and I beg to differ.  

It all begin the day they decided to put me in the men’s room.  I was in the new bathroom minding my own business when some rich freak trust fund man came in with his girlfriend. She dumped him for this crass actor guy. The man was pissed off, and he took a bunch of laxatives to get back at his girlfriend hoping that she would feel sorry for him. Well, you can guess what happened next. The shit hit the fan.

Characters:

Buddy: A trust fund junkie.
Muffy: Buddy’s Gold digger girlfriend.
Manager:  The guy that manages the Country Club.
Plunger Fun: The Toilet.
Anthon: The Crass actor.
Mr. politician: A rich Freak Political man.
Laser Woman: A mistress.

 Plunger Fun: I am so shiny and the world is fresh and new. What a day. I am going to relax and enjoy myself.

Then without warning Buddy the Trust fund man comes rushing in fighting with his girlfriend.

Plunger Fun: Please don’t use me.

Muffy: I have to let you go. You just aren’t good enough for the part of my boyfriend. You don’t make any real money. You are just a trust fund junkie. You are a millionaire by default.

Buddy: What do you mean Trust fund junkie? I am in love with you…pure real love is all that I feel for you.

Plunger Fun: Please don’t use me.

Muffy: I have found a new love. It is Anthon the crass actor. He is also an “environmentalist”, because it is politically correct, and he can afford to have a cause. He can buy all the environmental toys that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.  He is going green, because he can afford it.

Buddy: What does not having a cause have to do with love? I am worth millions. Isn’t that enough for your?

Muffy: Love is more than just two people and money. It is about social networks and how popular you are. You don’t have a cause, and you are not in films. Anthon is going to get me in one of his films. I am going to be a fucking star. Actors know everything…they are up on environmental issues.

Plunger Fun: Please don’t use me.

Buddy: A star? You have no classical training. You have no talent.

Muffy: You are quite right, but these days you don’t have to have talent all you have to have is looks…and that is what I have. I can stand and be pretty and make millions (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha). All I need is a little dog, fake tits and a nose job and I am in business. I am going to make my face look like a million fucking dollars (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he).

Plunger Fun: Good your face looks like shit warmed over.

Anthon ( The Crass Actor): Muffy… Muffy…where are you Muffy? We have to go to the environmental rally now, and I don’t want to be late. I just bought a new green SUV, it cost me thousands of dollars. We are on the top of the guest list. Our seats cost me fifty thousand dollars, we will be the talk of the environmental actors group and the ones that adopt offspring’s from other countries when we appear on the red carpet.

Muffy: I am coming Darling.

Plunger Fun: Good that is one out of the bathroom, and one more to go.

Buddy: What kind of man looks for a women in the men’s restroom?

Muffy: A crass Asshole. You are just and Asshole. I am coming Anthon.   

Buddy: You will pay for this you skank. I am going to take a bottle of laxatives and you will feel sorry for me. It is called shit be gone.

Muffy: Have a shitty time…Buddy.

Plunger Fun: No, please don’t take those pills. You will shit all over. Please don’t.

Buddy drinks a whole bottle of shit be gone. In fifteen minutes he starts to feel it and runs into Plunger Fun’s stall and sits on his new toilet seat.

Buddy: Oh………..a….a….a…..aaa..a. It is coming out of my ass like Niagara falls oh, shit, I am shitting all over myself. I CAN’T …STOP…CRAPPING!!!!

Buddy gets up and doesn’t flush and walks out crying his ass off. He doesn’t care that he has made a mess, all he cares about is himself and his stupid fucking “problem”. You see that is what happens these days, it is always someone Else’s fault. And if buddy were confronted about his shit episode he would blame it on someone else because that is the human way.

 Then the manager comes in and sees what Buddy did and calls someone to come and clean it up. They get it cleaned just in time for the next person to use it.

Manager: What the fuck? Who did this to my new toilet? Damn shit be gone should be banned.  Get someone in here to clean this up. (calling on his radio)

Once again some rich freak has emotional problems and someone has to clean up after his crap episode.

The same day different time another rich freak is using Plunger fun:

Mr. Smith: Damn I am constipated. I haven’t gone all weekend. I sure hope no one sees me in here. I am a political man and we are above the law, and our farts don’t stink. (poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) Oh, excuse me.

Plunger Fun: Yeah right your farts don’t stink. They stink like rotting flesh.

Mr. politician starts straining. He can’t go but he needs to. Then a little poop shoots out of Mr. Politician’s ass into the toilet. Then his mistress comes in, and wants some hardcore loving on the toilet.

Laser woman: Mr. Politician. Mr. Politician. Where are you? I have a surprise for you.

Mr. politician: I am on the toilet, go and get us some drinks I will be right out.

Plunger Fun: Please don’t come in here.

Laser Woman opens Mr. Politicians Stall.

Laser Woman: There you are, I want you to fuck me on the toilet. Please. Please. I beg you to, I want to ride your love pole.

Plunger Fun: No, no, please don’t do her here…why me.

Mr. politician: Not, now Laser Woman can’t you see that I am using the toilet. I am trying to take a crap.

Laser Women: That has never stopped you before. I can take off my panties, and you can fuck me while you are taking a crap. It will feel so good….oh yeah. I shaved my pussy just the way that you like it. You can cum in me. I am sure you are filled with cum. We haven’t done it for a week or two.  

Mr. politician: For the last time no. If we are caught fucking in this stall that will be the end of my political career. Do you want me to lose my job? Then I won’t be able to buy you anymore cars and fly you to foreign lands using the taxpayers money.

Laser Woman: You won’t lose your job, you are above the law. I can pull up my blouse and you can suck my tits.

Mr. Politician: Oh, yeah I forgot I am above the law,  but I still don’t want to do you in here…or suck your tits.

Laser Woman: You don’t love me anymore. I am going to tell your wife about us.

Mr. Smith gets up and leaves. Leaving his mistress crying in the men’s restroom.

Mr. politician: You go right ahead, but I am not going to fuck you on the toilet. I am leaving.

Laser Woman: You go right ahead you bastard and leave. You think that you can bang me anytime that you want…well you are wrong. I wanted to bang you…and all you did was think of yourself. Toilet love is very emotional…and I wanted it. What about my needs.

Mr. politician: You are  psycho.

Laser Woman: No, you are a psycho.

Mr. politician: I am out of here.

Laser Woman: please don’t leave me. I love you. Please. Please. I will do anything. Love is everything to me. I won’t tell your wife. I want it to be just the way that it was, please. Please…I beg of you. I need love.

Plunger love: Oh, no here we go again.

Mr. politician: I see your true colors. I am breaking up with you. I don’t know why I dated you.

Mr. Politician gets up and walks out leaving Laser women in the bathroom. She reaches into her purse and pulls out her gold plated barf stick.

Laser Woman: I am going to barf. That is the only control that I have over my life without Mr. Politician…but not after I get Mr. Politician’s crap out of the toilet and put it in this small love vile that I will carry with me forever. I still love him. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Plunger Fun: She really is crazy. Don’t barf. Please don’t barf.

Laser Woman sticks her barf stick down her throat and barfs in Plunger Fun’s toilet water.

Laser woman: Here it goes. I am going to barf up my lunch. (Barf…..BARF…..barf) I am all better now. I feel so much better. I am out of here. There is love somewhere in this world, and when I find it I am going to do it hardcore like.

Laser woman barfed up lunch: corn, Caviar, bread, and water chestnuts were in millions of pieces floating in the toilet. Then she walks out not flushing it. Once again the manager is forced to call someone to clean up the mess.

Plunger Fun: Next time that you use the public bathroom, remember me and flush and put the seat down. I can’t deal with anymore drama. What a day. Toilets unite.

FIN.





The Farting College Women VS Grey’s Colostomy

11 11 2007

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT. ADULT LANGUAGE. ADULT THEME.  

This is the episode that you all have been waiting for, its the crossover of the century. The group from Grey’s Colostomy and the Farting College Women come together in one action packed show about relationships and other crap.

Meredeath Gloom’s Voice: There comes a time when you get gas in your ass and you just have to let it out…and now is the time. (p0000000000000000000000000)

Meredeath Gloom: Today sucks. I haven’t gotten any cock. Dork Smartass is tired of doing my shaved pussy. But, I feel that I won’t be sexy if I let my bush grow out.

Crusty Yank: Oh, what a dilemma…should I let it grow out or should I keep shaving it. You sound like you are still in college.    

Meredeath Gloom:  You shut the fuck up Crusty Yank.  Are you love starved again? Do you feel that you need a man to fulfill the lust that you have inside? Do you need a big cock to make your life whole?

Crusty Yank: No, I have a vibrator, and the last time that I checked you don’t have a cock either.

Meredeath Gloom:  I have a big cock and his name is Dork…OK.

Crusty Yank:  It isn’t my fault he stopped loving you. You’re such a bitch.

Meredeath Gloom: Yeah…that is right Crusty Yank I am a bitch. Don’t you have some patients to look after or something? I know Dork loves me, and we are made for one another.

Crusty Yank: Prove it… that he still loves you and I will go do my rounds.

Meredeath Gloom:  OK, Crusty Yank. I am going down to the OR and ask him if he wants to fuck my hot shaved pussy.

Crusty Yank: Right there in front of everyone? That I want to see.

Meredeath Gloom: Yeah…our love is as strong as a summer breeze during the hurricane season.

Crusty Yank: Prove it, and just keep telling yourself that he still loves you.

They walk down the hall to the OR. There are people in the emergancy room, but Dr. Gloom wants to prove her love.   Dr. Smart ass and Crass are working on a patient. Meredeath opens the OR door and takes off her clothes.

Meredeath Gloom: Take me Dr. Smartass I am feeling nothing but lust inside for you.

Dork Smartass: Get away. I don’t want to do you. You have no pussy hair because you shaved it all off, and besides I am in love.

Meredeath Gloom: In love with who? I am going to kick her ass. What is her name I demand to know? Is she a tramp? I can be a Tramp…please give me another chance. I can be a tart! You can’t just bang me for months and expect to get away with this you bastard.

Dork Smartass: I am not telling you her name. Why don’t you go treat some of your rich freak patients they need love too.

Meredeath Gloom: Don’t you want to do me in the supply room, on the copy machine, or on the toilet? I will let you do my tight ass. I don’t know you anymore.

Asslex Crass: Trust me your ass isn’t tight. It’s as lose as a piece sour dough bread with a hole in it on a hot summers day.

Meredeath Gloom: It is tight. My ass is grade A prime, and I want Dr. Smart-ass to explore it with his big lusty manhood stick.

Asslex Crass: He wants to put another notch in his bed post. You are old news Meredeath. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Dork Smartass: Yes, you are right Dr. Crass. I am going through a mid-life crisis and I need a young college women to make me feel complete. I have gas. (poooooooooooooooo) Damn that is going to leave a stain.  

Meanwhile at the apartment. Mandy has another date this week, but as you know this is a cross over and can you guess who she is going out with on a DATE? It is none other than Dork Smartass, and Meredeath Gloom is pissed off beyond repair.

Mandy: I have a date tonight.

Beth: Oh, shit not another one. That is the second one this week! I thought you were done with sperm chuckers.

Mandy: He is a doctor, a real dream boat not a shit bomb like Edwin.

Sandy: A doctor. I can’t believe it you are moving up. Oh, Edwin called crying again. I think he was drunk or something.  He said that he wants to give your relationship another try, and that he didn’t mean to try to do you and make you shave your bush.

Mandy: Another try? There was no relationship we only went on one date. The guys a psycho.

Beth: Yeah, he is a psycho in the worst kind of shit bomb way.

Sandy: He is more than just a shit bomb, he is a freaking nut job asshole who likes to throw things and make women shave their bushes.  

Beth: Oh, yeah. You can say that once more…Sandy.

Mandy: My new man is a doctor… a surgeon if you ask. He is good with his hands if you know what I mean. That is what he said on his profile at: love me because I am desperate and a cheap lier  dot com. Here do you want to see his profile.

Sandy: He is cute. He is so dreamy. He says he makes a million plus a year. He says he wants to find love and live forever as soul mates in world filled with butterflies and flowers. I am going to cry.

Mandy: He is rich! But, money is not everything.

Beth: You have a profile at that sadistic Relationship web site. Are you fucking insane?  Don’t you know the people on that site are desperate and lie about seventy-five percent of the time.

Mandy: No, they said that they fully screen all members and they guarantee that you will find love and marriage within six minutes.

Beth: What the fuck six minutes. That is fucking unreal. You are on your own…you do what you want. I am out of here.

Sandy: Oh, how romantic. I wish I had a date with “good” hands!!! I wish I could find love and marriage in six minutes (tears in her eyes).

Beth: Are you going to let him do you tonight?

Mandy: No, silly it is our first date…tonight. But, I might let him get me off tomorrow night with his big ass doctor love pole. He says he has a big love pole on his profile. I assume that he is talking about his manhood.

Beth: What? A big love pole, that doesn’t make any sense. What is name?

Mandy: Dork Smartass.

Beth: What kind of name is that?

Sandy: That sounds like an assholes name. In fact his name means asshole.

Beth: Are you sure you want to go out with a guy named Dork?  

Sandy: That is crazy…you’re setting yourself up for a bad time.

Beth: Do you know what dork means?

Mandy: Yes.

Sandy: Well apparently not…because you said yes to the date. It means ridiculous person…

Mandy: OK, you both can stop now. I know what Dork means.

Beth: I am late for class. I have a big exam today. Then I am going to work.

Sandy: I have class at ten and then work at twelve I will be back at eight. bye!

(ring, ring, ring, ring)

Mandy: That is my cell phone. Hello. Hi Dork.

Sandy and Beth listen.

Dork: Hi Mandy. How is eight o’clock. Come meet me at the hospital. I have plans for you my love (he, he, he, he, he, he) just joking see you tonight at eight.

Mandy: OK…I will be there.

Beth: Where are you going?

Mandy: He wants me to meet him at the hospital. He has a weird laugh. What kind of guy wants a woman to meet him at his work?

Beth: We will be there at eight to make sure everything is OK. He better not try anything “funny”, because I have diarrhea. If he doesn’t watch it he might get a face full of diarrhea poo. My farts seem to be wet lately.

Mandy: That is more information than I want to know.

Sandy: I will leave work early, and go with Beth to the hospital.

Mandy: Thank you, you two are great friends. I am a little worried about this date.

Meanwhile back at the hospital Dork is planning his date with Mandy. Meredeath is going crazy knowing that Dork Smartass doesn’t love her anymore. Crusty Yank has a problem with one of her patients he wants to marry her.

Dork Smartass: Mandy and I are going to have a good time. I am going to take her to the hospital cafeteria for dinner, and then I am going to do her in the supply closet. That should be a very romantic first date. I deserve true love.

Asslex Crass: I heard Mandy is a member of the Farting College Women. Her friend Beth kicks ass and takes names later. These women have been known to blow huge ass blasters in evil people’s fucking faces.

Dork Smartass: Don’t worry Asslex I have plans for Beth. (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, wo, ha, ha, wo, ha, ha)

Asslex Crass:Ha, he, he, he, he, he, he, he…ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, he! What is your plan my evil confidant?

Dork Smartass: I know Beth will follow Mandy to the hospital, so what I am going to do is pretend that I am nice, and Beth will go away case closed.

Asslex Crass: That is the lamest fucking plan that I have ever heard. Dork you are a fucking dork.

Dork Smartass: That is my name don’t wear it out. (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Asslex Crass: There was a guy who came in last week his name was Edwin he was barfing up his lunch and had fart gas burns on his smug face from Beth farting in it. Beth is dangerous. Here is what you do, you tell Meredeath that Beth is Mandy and then you and Mandy go “do” your thing. I know how much you love “doing” things.

Dork Smartass: Like a diversion. Yeah, that might just work. Meredeath is really pissed right now, she might just kick Beth’s ass.  Pussy heaven here  I come.

Asslex Crass: Meredeath…I don’t know about that Beth is crazy. But, I did get these surveillance photos of the Farting College Women. This one is Beth. Edwin told us Beth busted in on a romantic moment. Him and Mandy were about consummate their relationship, and Beth rushed in an took off her clothes and sat on his face and farted in it causing him to puke up his lunch and a have fart burns on his face. We had to put him in the disinfectant spray.

Meredeath comes running in to make Dork love her again.

Meredeath Gloom: Dork please I love you. I need you. You are my capitalist love muffin pie. Please, I will do anything. I will let you do anything including my ass. It is clean trust me.

Dork Smartass: I am in love with Mandy, and I don’t want to do your “tight ass”.

Meredeath Gloom: I am going to get that little tramp, and there is no one that can stop me. She took away my sugar man.

Dork Smartass: I am so glad that you call me your sugar man. Do you want to see a photo of her?

Meredeath Gloom: I do and you better show me. She isn’t sweetier looking than me, she doesn’t even look like your type. Hey, this photo looks like a surveillance photo.

Dork Smartass: No, she was experimenting with cameras. It just came out a little more grainier than unusual.

Meredeath Gloom: Oh…

Dork Smartass: She is coming to meet me at eight. We are going on our first date.

Meredeath Gloom: You are a fucking asshole Dork I don’t need a man like you. I am sorry. I do need you. Please don’t leave me.

Dork Smartass: Not now Meredeath I have to get ready for my date. I won’t be seeing anymore patients today.

Crusty Yank comes running to Meredeath she has found love in an eighty five year old man.

Crusty Yank:I am in love. I was checking Mr. Money in the penthouse suite and he said the most beautiful thing to me. He said that he wants to get married. He gave me a fifty thousand dollar a ring.

Meredeath Gloom: What a millionaire asked you to marry him. He already gave you a ring?

Meredeath Gloom: I am going to get you Mandy.

Crusty Yank: I am going to wear a white wedding gown. I am in love. He already proposed. Who is Mandy?

Meredeath Gloom: Would you shut the fuck up. The guy is old enough to be your Grandfather. How can you be in love when you don’t even know the guy.

Crusty Yank: I know him. We shared hospital food together. He said he was going to take me to Malian and then to Paris. He says he loves unshaven pussies.

Meredeath Gloom: He can’t even walk. His dick is probably a dried piece of flesh that smells like burnt sausage.  What the fuck am I going mad!!!

Crusty Yank: I have to go check on Mr. Money we have to make our wedding plans. Bye…. I don’t need a dick I have a vibrator (buzz-buzz).

Mandy Drives to the hospital and arrives at seven fifty eight. Beth and sandy follow her, and arrive at eight o’clock. Meredeath is really pissed off at the thought that Crusty Yank is getting married. She sees Sandy and Beth walk up to the hospital and enter. Meredeath meets Beth and sandy at the door thinking Beth is Mandy.  Meanwhile Mandy is with Dork Smartass.

Meredeath Gloom: Well, well, well if it isn’t Mandy. I am going to kick your ass.

Beth: I am not Mandy. My name is Beth. You got the wrong person I assure you.

Meredeath pushes Beth.

Beth: What the fuck lady? My name is Beth. Here is my drivers licence…bitch!

Meredeath Gloom: If you are Beth then were is Mandy?

Sandy: Mandy is our friend. We have no idea where she is, we are looking for her too.

Meredeath Gloom: Then you are the enemy.

Beth: I am not sleeping with you.

Meredeath Gloom: What?

Sandy:  What are you talking about…Beth. No one is sleeping with anyone.

Beth: Nothing never mind. We need to find Mandy.

Meredeath Gloom: Where are you going?

Beth: We are going to find Mandy.

Meredeath Gloom: Oh, no you are not. I am calling security.

Beth: Shit lady our friend might be in danger.

Meredeath Gloom: If you call being danger, from Dork slowly sliding off her clothes and putting his power pole inside of hot cum hole. Where did I go wrong. We were so in love.

Sandy: Would you shut up?

Beth: Correction…would you shut the fuck up.

Meanwhile in the hospital cafeteria. Dork put some cheap candles on the table that he got from patients rooms. The cafeteria lady throws their trays on the table, and then scratches her ass an then walks away.

Dork Smartass: Thank you for the dinner Hilgra.

Mandy: What is this food?

Dork Smartass: To tell you the truth I have no idea, but who cares. Eat up I have plans for us.

Mandy: A moon lit walk by the beach holding each others hands and kissing as the wind blows through our hair.

Dork Smartass: No.

Mandy: A romantic movie with popcorn and soda.

Dork: Nope.

Mandy: What then?

Dork Smartass: A romp in the supply closet. We can take these candles in there. It will be so romantic. The janitor has a little table that I can prop you up on, and there is a mirror on the wall. I am the fairest one on of all, and I can show you my best fuck face (oh, yeah, oh yeah).

Mandy: Somehow I saw this coming. OK…whatever.

Dork Smartass: Are you ready. I know I am.

Mandy: Let me finish my dinner first.

Yes, Mandy finished her dinner. It gave her the worst gas that she ever had. The gas was so painful. That she had to walk very slowly to the storage closet. They got in the storage closet and dork took off his clothes, and slowly undressed Mandy. Mandy was now naked in front of Dork Smartass.

Dork Smartass: We are all alone. I want your sweet pussy of lust. I am going to take off all my clothes, and I want to undress you.

Mandy: OK.

Mandy lets Dork take off her clothes.

Dork Smartass: You have the sexiest body that I have ever seen. You don’t shave your pussy you are all natural. Your tits are perfect… I want you now.

Mandy: OK, but first let me blindfold you. And I want you to lay down on your back. I have a big surprise for you.

The gas in Mandy’s ass was building. It was painful and in a few minutes it would all over Dork’s face.

Dork Smartass: Dork loves surprises. Dork always has (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he).

Mandy: I am going to sit on your face.

Dork Smartass: Oh please sit on my damn face.

Mandy: Don’t worry I will. I am going to put my butthole on your nose.

Dork Smartass: Oh, yes….

Mandy pulls off the blindfold, and puts her ass on Dorks face. Then lets a huge fart so bad that Dorks eyes burn. He is forced to go to the emergency room to have his eyes washed out.

Mandy: Here it goes. (POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSDSDSD OHHoOOooOOOoooOoooooossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!

Dork Smartass: AH! My Eyes. I am melting. My Eyes. I am melting.

Dork runs down the hall naked into the emergency room. Doctor Crass just laughs and says I told you so, Mandy puts on her clothes and walks out.

Dork Smartass: Help me! Help me someone my eyes are on fire. My beautiful face.

Crusty Yank: Lay down Dr. Smartass.  I am going to irrigate your eyes (cheesy music in the background) it looks you have third degree fart burns on your face. You will be fine just rest. I have to go see my future husband…bye.  

Asslex Crass: Call Meredeath Stat. I want her to see this.

Intercom: Meredeath Gloom to emergency. Meredeath Gloom to emergency.

Meanwhile out in front of the hospital.

Meredeath Gloom: I am going to have you arrested for trespa..

Intecom: Meredeath Gloom come to the emergency room. (Cheesy music in the background and everything is in slow motion)

Meredeath Gloom: Get out of here I don’t want to see you two again. If I see you and Sandy here again. I will have you arrested for trespassing.

Beth: This is a hosptial, you can’t do that. We live in your hospitals zone.

Meredeath Gloom: Are you OK? Oh, my love did Mandy hurt you. Let me see your wounds.

Dork Smartass: OK. Can we get back together. I hope you don’t see me as too disfigured.

Meredeath Gloom: NO, I am want to do you tonight after we have put you in the disinfectant spray.

Asslex Crass: I told you dork not to mess with The Farting College Women. You look so funny Dork with that cold pack on your smug ass face.

Meredeath Gloom: Shut up Asslex. I am going to get you Mandy and your Farting Friends ( He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he!!!)

Dork Smartass: Yeah, shut up Asslex.  Meredeath give me some lovin, and get those evil Farting College Women for me…avenge me.

Meanwhile in front of the hospital Mandy comes out and Beth and Sandy Are waiting.

Mandy: I farted in his face. He was such a jerk and all he wanted was one thing.

Beth: Well, can we go home now. I am proud of you.

Sandy: I am ready.

They get in their cars and go home and have a great movie night.

FIN.