The fart dominatrix: Lust hunting…

23 02 2008


What is a fart Dominatrix? It is someone that lusts for farting on other people. They walk among people of the night not lusting for love or emotion, but for someone willing to give them the gift of fart letting.

On a dark night a woman walks from bar to bar in search of a man to fart upon. She hungers for the lust and pleasure of expelling gas on his smug face. Just hours before she ate a whole bunch of cabbage and beans. The gas in her bubbles with power.

She walks into a bar and looks around. The men in the room all gather around her. They like her tight fitting blouse and her rose red lipstick. Her hair is dark and her eyes are a steamy grey color. She talks to all the men carefully selecting one to unleash her magic on.

Then she meets Greg. She strikes up a conversation with him. He is an asshole that acts like he cares. He will do she thought. He will be the one that I let a huge fat fart upon.

They go to her room that she had rented above the bar. He thought that he was going to get lucky. He thought she was easy as pie on summer afternoon in July. Well, he was wrong and this is what happened after they got to her room.

Star freak: Do you like my room? Come to the couch and sit awhile. I am going to freshen up. Isn’t this great…you being the perfect stranger—tall dark and “handsome”.

Greg: Yes, Star Freak…your room is a skanky hotel room, are you a skank. I think so, You shall drink of my lust tonight. Go and shave your pussy in the shape of cat. I want to give your pussy some milk. I am so smooth.

Star Freak: Don’t be silly Greg I would never shave my pussy for you or any other man. I will be right back.

Greg: You have hurt thy feelings. You are such a bitch! I always get my way.

Star Freak: This night you shall not get your way. This night you shall be submissive to my every way.

Greg: We will see about that.

Star Freak goes in the restroom to get changed. She puts on her black leather sex suit and fishnet stalkings. She slowly struts out of the restroom. Greg is already naked.  His lust tool is standing tall and ready to go. He gets up to kiss her. She kisses him with her tongue. Then she tells him to lay upon her bed of lust!

Star Freak: Lay on my lust bed! There is no time to waste.

Greg: I like the way you think! Give me some sugar now!! Take off your black leather whatever you call it. That doesn’t turn me on!

Star Freak: I don’t care what turns you on! This isn’t about you!

Greg: It is too about about me, and I want some action! Please I beg of your mistress give me some hardcore loving.

Star Freak: There will be no hardcore loving tonight Greg, because I have a surprise for you.

Greg: I love surprises when they are for me. It is all about me.

Star Freak: Yes, well this surprise is something that you will remember for a long time. I am not sure if you will like it or not!

Greg: Try me and see, I will tell you if I like it!

Star Freak: You have to beg for it! You have to beg hard for it!

Greg: Please don’t make me beg. Please Mistress! Please, I want it! Look at the tear that I cry. They are for you my love.

Star Freak:  Don’t you call me mistress call me: Fart Dominatrix you bastard. I am not your love.

Greg: Fart Dominatrix…that is just fucking rude. I mean, I give you the time of day, and I offer you my lust pole and you call yourself Fart Dominatrix.  You aren’t like those farting college women are you?

Star Freak: Oh, you know them!

Greg: No…but you are scaring me!

Star Freak: Silence I have heard enough of your shit. I have a surprise for you that you won’t forget.

Fart Dominatrix takes off her panties and tosses them in the corner of the room. Greg is freaked out by her beauty. He is in a trance!

Greg: You are so beautiful come here and let me drink of you!

Star Freak: Let me ask you something Greg before we go any further.

Greg: Get on with it, I want some action you skank.

Star Freak: Do you like farts Greg?!

Greg: I let one go every now and then, but I am sophisticated and refined, so I don’t fart now. I am too good for that. 

Star Freak: I love them Greg! I love them so, and I want to fart on you! Please, I must release the gas inside. I am feeling all emotional Greg!

Greg:  You are like those farting college women.

Star Freak: Yes, I am afraid so Greg!

Star Freak puts her bare ass above Greg’s face and lets the gas go!

Star Freak:Yes, it feels so good! I am going to cum! Oh, shit! (poooooooooooooooooooooo! OOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSASdsbpppppppppp) I AM CUMMING!

Greg: My face it is burning! My eyes! My mouth! My beautiful face! My sexy hair! My face job is melting! I am melting! (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)!

Star Freak: Oh, it feels so good to be me! (he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha)! That was an awsome!

Greg gets up and runs out of the room! He runs through the bar and everyone sees his little package, and he is never seen at that bar again!


The short Adventure of “Sperm”: A short sick and twisted existence…made of false positives!

23 01 2008

Warning: Adult Material. Adult Content. Adult Humor.  

Hello, my name is “Sperm”. I live in the balls of a man. Yes, it is my soul purpose in life to fertilize an egg. I spend most of my days swimming around in a cesspool of tainted jokes with broken tails and broken dreams.

I know that one day I will be ejected into a deep hole driven by lust.  I will make my way up to a huge orb that is called “the egg”, and there I will find my final destiny. That is if I don’t get sucked into a big mouth and then spit into a the toilet or trash can…or even worse swallowed!  I could end up on someones hand wiped away with a wash cloth or paper towel and then flushed down the sink or toilet…or even worse squirted on the wall just for fun. My biggest fear…being shot into condom, and then tossed into the trash can like a used beer can!

You see my tail is strong…so I am one of the lucky ones. I even tried to get insurance, but they wouldn’t insure me. They told me that my job is too risky! Will I become human one day…or will I just become a disappointing fantasy in someones fucked up mind? It is too soon to tell. It is a sick sad world being a Sperm…..but the human existence is counting on me!


The Adventures of Hardcore Vampire: Pub Pick up Part 3 with Special guests

8 01 2008


This is the final Episode of the mini-series “The Adventures of Hardcore Vampire”. Will Freak Rick get to love Lusta Gold…find out in this action packed episode.  

Lusta Gold takes Freak Rick up to her chamber of love. He can’t keep from kissing her, she knows this as she welcomes him in, and slowly closes the door to her chamber behind them.

Lusta Gold: Wait here…I am going to slip into something more comfortable. You can get naked and wait for me under the sheets.

Freak Rick: Yes, thy love. I shall wait for the reward that I am about to receive. It shall be hard for me…my body is quivering with anticipation.

Lusta Gold: Yes, my sweet prince of the night you shall receive a reward beyond your wildest…dreams.

Lusta gold goes into the bathroom and takes her clothes off. It feels nice to not have clothing on; she feels the cool air against her naked body as her panties drop to the floor. She isn’t going wear anything, she is going to go naked before him. It will make his temperature rise, and make him want her more. She puts perfume between her breasts and on her belly. She looks at herself in the mirror, looking at every curve and touching every inch of her seductive body. She wants his seed and she shall have it in abundance.

She walks toward Freak Rick with no clothing on. Freak Rick shut off the lights and lit some candles while she was in the restroom. Her full figured body is reflects off the candle light. She gets into bed with him…and thrusts herself on top of him.  

Freak Rick: I have longed to touch you thy love. My lust pole aches to be inside your world…my queen of the night.

Lusta Gold: My lust hole is wet with desire for you my prince. Kiss me all over and make me hotter….make me wetter.

Then there is a knock at the door. Who could that be…or what could that be? It is none other than Beth of the farting college women. But, why could she be at Lusta Gold’s Flat…find out now.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Lusta Gold: Who in the hell could that be?

Freak Rick: I don’t know…and I don’t care. I want you to do me now…so don’t answer it! My pole of lust is ready for your deep we chasm of beauty…lover.

Lusta Gold: No, sorry I have to answer that. It might be the milkman coming for his morning cream.

Freak Rick: Milkman…you never told me about the damn milkman.

Lusta Gold: I haven’t told you about a lot of things.

Freak Rick: What?!

Lusta Golden opens the door.

Beth: Hey, I heard you were giving away free pussy cat’s. Someone left a message on my answering machine…your naked.

Lusta Golden: Yes, I am trying to do this guy…there are no pussies here. Well, with the exception of mine (he, he, he).

Beth: You have a nice pussy…trust me you don’t see pussies like that anymore. Your breasts look so real.

Lusta Golden: You really like my pussy? I was going to shave it. I was afraid Freak Rick might get a pubic hair stuck in his teeth or gag on one. My breasts are real. Here you can touch them.

Beth: They are real. They even sag slightly. You don’t see that anymore. Where are you from?

Lusta Gold: The dark underworld. I am a Hardcore Vampire. It isn’t easy being me.

Beth:a Vampire that is fascinating. No, seriously who are you?

Lusta Gold: I am a Hardcore Vampire.

Beth: You’re joking.

Lusta Gold: No, I am not!

Freak Rick: Come back to bed…lover. Tell her to get lost.

Beth: Can I watch you two get it on. I brought my camera. I love watching two or more people lust flinging…it gives me a tingly feeling down below if you know what I mean.

Lusta Gold: Yes, I would like that very much. I have never met anyone with your passion for screwing.

Freak Rick: Tell her to go…I don’t want to get performance anxiety. Please…I just can’t be in another orgy. I just can’t.

Then it happens Meredeath Gloom Beth’s arch enemy springs her trap…or does she.

Meredeath Gloom: No so fast…Beth. We have a score to settle…there is no pussies here just you and me. Leave Goth Woman get lost…you look like a bitch.

Lusta Gold: How dare you say those words before me you unruly skank.

Meredeath Gold: How dare you call me a skank…I am a doctor.

Beth: Not a very good one…bitch!

Meredeath Gloom: You shut the fuck up Beth. I am too a good doctor…you are just jealous. You can’t win…your friend Mandy can’t have Dork Smartass.

Beth: Yeah, I’m really jealous…boo-hoo. Do you want to go out and have coffee Lusta Gold?

Meredeath Gloom: You can’t do this you are ruining my plan to humilate you Beth. Lusta Gold you ruined my plans.

Lusta Gold: Good…I would love to have coffee with you Beth. Let me get my clothes on and we can go.

Beth: Awesome.

Meredeath Gloom: But, where are you going?

Beth: Lusta Gold and I are going out. I am going to treat her like a lady.

Meredeath Gloom: You can’t do that I was supposed to make you look like a fool. I was supposed to get my revenge. I am not a fucking match maker.

Lusta Gold: You found me a date Meredeath Gloom…that makes you a match maker…bye now.

Merdeath Gloom: You can’t do this…you can’t leave. I will not be ignored…Beth. Beth, Beth, Beth you come back here now. I shall have my revenge. My revenge you hear.

Lusta Gold: Freak Rick out of my flat. You shall not get my loving tonight.

Freak Rick: What about my toss in the hay? I have feelings too…my balls are so blue. Meredeath I think you are a good doctor. Come over here and give me some sugar.

Meredeath Gloom: No…way your pole is too small for my taste. I am in love with real man named Dork Smartass.  You make me sick…Rick. (Meredeath Gloom Runs out).

Freak Rick: It is not that small. My feelings are hurt…you can forget about me ever calling you again Lusta Gold.

Lusta Gold: Good!

Freak Rick runs out naked and slams the door.

Lusta Gold: Are you ready?

Beth: Yes, I hope you like your coffee black.

Lusta Gold: Yeah…I do.