The Memoirs of a Fart Dominatrix…the first ten days! (part 3 of 10)

3 03 2008


After I got kicked out of the rich freaks house for farting.  I called for a taxi on my cell phone. The taxi was there in five minutes, and as I was leaving the house I saw people running out. They were coughing and some were barfing. The smell that I had released out of my ass had left a lasting impression.  It was the first big party I had gone to at a rich freaks house, and it would probably be my last.

You see the rich are funny they pretend to sympathise with those that are less fortunate than them. They are fake.  This is the case with the rich freak…she wanted her husband to win the election, but she didn’t want real homeless people in her house. You see it is one thing to talk about helping the poor and homeless to get votes, but actually helping the homeless and poor is another thing. You see she loves the power of knowing that she is better than everyone else, and with her husband winning the election…well, she would be on top. 

You see most rich people have no idea what it is like to be poor.  Thus, it is the same for politicians—they don’t give a shit about the poor. I would like to see a non rich person run for office—fat chance that would ever happen. Most of the people that get into office are rich to begin with, so all they do is help themselves and those like them. Leaving the middle class and the lower classes holding the bill. Well, should I say mostly middle class holding the bill.

The taxi cab driver asked me “where to”? I told her to downtown. She drove me downtown, and let me out in front of this coffee shop called “coffee and Venus” it is the only adult coffee (no one under twenty permitted) shop where customers are allowed to drink their coffee in the nude. I am freak! I just love their espresso!

I sat at a table waiting for my espresso and reading book on socialism, that I had picked up at a small bookstore downtown.  A woman with a beautiful body and smile brought me my warm drink. She had a sadness about her. She asked me if I needed anything else. I said no! I asked her, her name. She said her name was Olivia. Nice, to meet you, I said.  She turned around and went back to the bar!

I thanked her and then went back to my reading. I was mid-way through my cup of espresso when a man came in and grabbed Olivia by the hand and took her outside. I felt obligated to find out why the guy came inside and took her outside in such a forceful manner. The other employees looked worried, the guy at the espresso bar grabbed for the phone. I got up and asked what was wrong? The guy at the bar told me that her stalker ex-boyfriend was bothering her again, and the she had a restraining order against him but that didn’t stop him. He almost put her in the hospital one time.

You see there are men that can’t take a hint. They are bastards, and when they are down on their luck they come looking for their ex-partner. These sick fucks have to have love, and  control. Inside they are nothing but insecure bastards!

I walked outside and saw that he had pushed Olivia to the street and kicked her and went to hit her. I stopped his fist from striking her with my hand. He called me a bitch, and told me to get lost. I told him that he wasn’t supposed to hit women, and that he wasn’t brought up right. I told Olivia to go back inside and call the authorities. She got up and went inside.

He took a swing at me. I just grabbed his wrist and twisted it! He screamed in pain and told me to leave him alone. He couldn’t take it. He started crying, I pushed his ass to street. Everyone in the street saw him crying. He begged me not to hit him. He was balled up in a little ball. He quivered with fear. I asked him how that felt, he just whimpered.

There he was in the street crying like the little asshole that he was. I told him that was the last time that he would ever talk to Olivia again. And if he came around or even bothered her again he would face serious pain. . He called me a freak and got to his feet. He got in his car and drove away.

I went back inside to see if Olivia was OK. She was fine just a little shook up. I drank the rest of my espresso, and was just about to leave when the guy came back. This time he had his friends with him. He walked to my table and told me to get up. I ignored him, and kept reading. This of course made him mad. His friends laughed at him. That made him more mad, because he is one of those insecure types. He grabbed my wrist and pulled, that was it I had enough. I told him to come closer. I pulled down my pants and I farted in his face…the fart went on and on, and it was a little wet. He got chucks of crap in his face. Everyone in the coffee shop laughed at him. He got up and ran out and was never seen again.

I tipped Olivia and paid for my drink and left. The employees at the coffee shop thanked me as I walked out the door.


The five dark stages of asshole relationships…

7 01 2008

Stage one: The asshole shows interest in a potential partner. The asshole asks the person out and the person accepts. On the first date the asshole seems fun and interesting making the potential partner like them.

Stage 2:  The asshole begins dating the person and at first the asshole seems playful and intelligent. The asshole may bring flowers and gifts, and does “romantic” things for their new partner.

Stage 3: The asshole starts becoming possessive and controlling. Their partner in the relationship (the victim) begins to question the assholes behavior, but continues to stay in the relationship.

Stage 4: The asshole becomes jealous of other people, large and small animals, and begins calling at all hours of the day and night. The asshole may become enraged when their partner talks to another person that the asshole finds threatening or intimidating.  The asshole may rip the phone out of the wall, throw things, or tell their partner they are no good, and no one else could ever “love” them. They may even tell their partner that they can’t talk to anyone else including members of their own family.  The asshole may use “reproduction” as a method to keep their partner down.  The asshole may start yelling and screaming in stage four (they could even start yelling at the earlier stages). In this stage the asshole may start to physically and mentally abuse their partner…or both.

Stage 5 (the darkest stage of all): In this stage the assholes partner leaves the asshole. The asshole being the psycho they are, tries to hold on to the relationship. The asshole begins stalking, calling at all hours of the night, driving past their ex-partners house, and calling their partner at work, their friends houses, or at their families houses. Then the crying on the phone starts…and the flowers start coming in and the “it won’t ever do it again line” springs into action. “Oh, I can’t live without you”, “We were meant to be, we are soul mates”…all these quotes are bunch of bullshit. Their partner doesn’t buy it, but the harassment still continues.

Then a restraining order is brought against the asshole…but the asshole doesn’t care. In the assholes mind their “ex-partner” is their possession. They are too immature and psycho to let it go.  To the asshole it is everyone else’s fault that the relationship failed. They never blame themselves for their own actions. It seems like that is the status quo of the world today anyway. 

Remember this:

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship get help or them help. There are people in your community that can help. No one should have to live life in fear and worry.


The Farting College Women: I farted in his face song part 2

1 01 2008


Mandy: Let’s do a part two of our song ‘I farted in his face song’! 

Beth: Hell yeah… I am all for that.

Sandy: Are you two just going to talk about it or are we going to do this?

Beth: Oh, we are going to do this…one, a, one, one, two, three, four…

Mandy: Wait, I have something to say, the veiwers might think we don’t like men!

Sandy: Oh, Mandy just play the song!

Beth: Mandy come on, they know it is not all men just assholes. Men and you know who you are…stop being assholes. OK, since we got that order of business out of the way…let’s play the song. It also works as a poem too.

Mandy: Vocals.
Beth: Base.
Sandy Drums.

He came to the door thinking he was going to get some.
He was all dressed up like he wanted to have fun.
He even brought some flowers and some candy too, hoping that I would give in and think he was not a fool.

He asked if he could come in with a tears in his eyes.
He said he couldn’t live without me; I could see right through his lies.
He said he had been crying, and wanted forgiveness too for pulling the phone out of the wall and breaking the front door like a fool.

He said he was sorry for treating me like shit.
He said he was sorry that he threw all those aggressive fits.
He said that he would never do it again.

That is when I had enough of his lying shit.
I farted. 
I farted.
I farted in his fucking face.

I pulled down my pants and my panties too and stuck my ass in his punk ass face.
He thought he was going to get some, and that I had forgiven him and he was about to get his way.
I pushed real hard without any haste and blew a fart of great magnitude without any disgrace.
He said nothing with a surprised look on his face.

That is when he told me you’re no fun.
He got up from the couch and started to cry, and that is when I waved goodbye.
He looked back at me as he walked to the door with shit in his face and with a couple of corn kernels stuck in his teeth.
The flowers that he had given me were all wilted away, and the candy that he had bought me had seen better days.

I farted.
I farted.
I farted in his fucking face.

He told me all he wanted was love. 
He opened the front door wiping the crap from his face.
He said that we where through, and he wanted out of this place.

I said Yeah!
I said OK.
I said see ya!

He got in his car and drove away.
That was the last time that I saw him anyway.
The phone calls have stopped.
There is no more stalking or bothering me at work, all because I farted in his fucking face.

Mandy: Thank you…and have a good night.

Beth: Remember everyone there are assholes out there and trust me farting won’t stop them. If you are stuck in a despotic relationship get out and get help. There are people in your community that can give you amnesty and direct you to services that can make your life much easier. Remember it shouldn’t hurt to live.

The top ten charactor traits of assholes… plus bonus asshole definitions

2 12 2007

There are lots of assholes in this world,  and I want to take the opportunity to give you my top ten asshole character traits. You see many people out there would rather be an asshole than be nice and compassionate to the ones they love or to all living beings in general. 

To assholes it is all about them, and it is everyone else’s fault for their shortcomings. Assholes exist in all walks of life and they are in every society. Thus, regardless of how advanced a society is there are still these types of people. Well, on with the top ten.

 Note: There are people that exhibit all or some of the character traits below.

1. Stalker asshole: These assholes are very dangerous. Their partner breaks up with them, and they don’t want to end it. To them they are still happily in the relationship, and they don’t want their partner to move on or be with anyone else.  They can’t take the hint, and somehow they think that they can keep their relationship.  So, what do they do they stalk their ex partner and make their life a living hell. They (the stalker asshole) are the reason why the relationship ended to begin with, and are too immature to take the responsibility for their own actions. To this type of asshole it is everyone else’s fault that their ex broke up with them and they are without blame. They may call their ex-partner at work, drive by their house fifty times a night, call their ex-partner at home crying their asses off over the phone and on the answering machine. They may show up in places that there ex-partner is at, and try to talk to their ex-partner. They may commit violent acts against their ex-partner or those they associate with because they are too psycho-selfish to let go.  These people need “love control”, and that is all they think about.

2. Won’t happen again asshole: These assholes say that they are sorry and it will never happen again. They cry tears of selfishness, and have some lame excuse for their stupid violent unjust behavior. Then it happens again and again and again. They may buy flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry, or a car to make it up to their partner. They somehow think that material things will make up for all the pain and suffering they have put their partner through. This type of asshole may become a stalker, thus forcing their ex-partner to leave their home and move away. Their partner  may also get a restraining order against them, that they don’t comply to, because they somehow think that their partner is their property.

3. Mental asshole: These assholes look normal on the outside, but inside they are a raging lunatic. They may be “fun loving” and “happy”, but when things don’t go their way they explode.  They may drink too much, use drugs, or have bi-polar disorder and forget to take their medication. They may have anger issues, with a side order of immaturity syndrome. These people may get so pissed that they throw stuff (plates, remote controls, tools, etc.), pull the phone out of the wall, and put their fist through the wall. They stalk. They belittle. They harass. They are jealous of people that are close to their partner and many find them to be a threat.  They may have delusions that their partner is seeing someone else, or has “wronged” them in some way. These assholes don’t take any responsibility for their own actions, it is always someone else’s fault.  These people are not just assholes, they are fucking assholes.

4. Group control delusional asshole: These people love power and control. They use some type of group controlling philosophy as a means to control their “masses”. They may think that they are prophets or a person with higher than human powers to instill fear into those that they manipulate and belittle. Thus, making their masses fear and submit to their every word.  Thus, giving the asshole a sense of power beyond their wildest dream. Fear that these assholes instill in others is their greatest weapon of deception.   They once again take no responsibility for their own actions, and they say a higher being tells them to do it. They also believe they are somehow better than everyone else, and their shit doesn’t stink.  Thus, if those they control don’t do as they say they will all be doomed for all eternity if they don’t follow their “teachings”.  These assholes  fear educated people, powerful women, independent women, free thinkers, and those they can’t “control”. 

6. Be tough sports asshole: These are parent(s) the push their offspring(s) to excel at “sports”. They want their offspring to be tough, and be team players.  They want their offspring’s team to win at any cost, often getting pissed off with the other teams coach, refs, parents, and other players if their offspring’s team is “losing”. Thus, creating violent acts of stupidity and lawlessness.  Winning is everything…losing is not acceptable even though their offspring are young and the games are supposed to be for fun, but these assholes think it is the end of the world if their team loses.  Thus, teaching their offspring to win, win, win and be sore losers if they don’t.  They want their offspring’s to be warriors, but the question is why!!!! Go team go…not!

Note: Not all parents are like be tough sports asshole.

7. Asshole power trip Politician: A political leader that loves absolute power and control. They do things that are in their interests and not in the interest of the people that they are suppose to take care of and protect. They are smug, egotistical, and gloat with all the “power” that they manifest.  They are often times born with a silver spoon in their mouths, never knowing what it is like to be poor or humble…all they know is capitalistic intentions.

8. Power Trip asshole: They love to make those in their house and around them fear their rules and procedures. It gives them the sense that they are someone and that they have accomplished something in their fucked up lives.  They love knowing that they have absolute power.  They love to making rules in their house with consequences, that often include violence, belittlement and ignorance. They love knowing that they are kings of their fucked up domain. They are sick fucks.

9. Bad Up bringing asshole: This type of asshole is taught to be an asshole from the time they are young. They are too fucking stupid ignorant or macho to break the cycle, so they continue being assholes.  Thus, the term once and asshole always an asshole is conceived.

10. Insecure asshole: Insecurity plays a big part in being this type of asshole. You see assholes that are insecure don’t have power in their work or social environment, so they make those in their private lives victims of their fucked-up power trip. An insecure asshole is very dangerous. They may be jealous that their partner wants to go to college and get educated, and not let them go. They may use reproduction as a way to stop their partner from reaching their goals. They may make fun of their partner because they know more and want to make something of themselves. This type of asshole may ask were their partner has been and who they were talking to, showing their insecurity.  They may also be jealous of small animals such as cats and dogs, and want their partner to get rid of the animal because they are paying more attention to the animal then them. They feel the animal is competition, and find the animal a threat to the core of their “fairytale” relationship.

Bonus definitions:

Controlling asshole: (This might fit within mental asshole definition, but it deserves a definition all of it’s own.) This person controls all aspects of their partners life–fiances, eduction, career. This type of asshole constantly tells their partner what to do, and loves knowing that they have absolute power over their partner.  They make sure that their partner doesn’t have more education, doesn’t have a better job. They are the micro managers of assholes. ..and they love it.

Asshole offspring Creator: These people are assholes and may have some or all of the traits above. There is one thing different about these assholes…they love to create offspring.  They may have an offspring in one relationship, then as soon as they end that relationship they create another offspring with another partner. They have this additude that if they leave one relationship they can just create another offspring, and have things the way they were.

This is Grus saying be careful out there. If something is too good to be true…question it it might just be wrong.

Freedom is having your own mind, body, and life philosophy and not someone else’s.

The Farting College Women: Lust magic gone bad

30 10 2007


This is the Farting College Women that you all have been waiting for…Mandy finds love. But, will Beth’s jealousy and love for Mandy ruin Mandy’s chances at getting a man with a big dong…find out now!

Mandy: Hey, I have a date tonight. He is a dream I tell you, a passinate dream.

Beth: I thought you were done with sperm chuckers…Mandy. Don’t be weak, you don’t need a man to complete you. You have Sandy and me.

Mandy: This guy is a dream…he made me fall in love with sperm chuckers all over again. After he asked me out I wanted to take off all my clothes and give him all of me. I think he felt the same.

Beth: We will see how long this little love moment lasts. I have to go to class, and then work.

Sandy: Leave Mandy alone Beth. There is a time and a  place for true love and maybe she found it. Love is so much fun. It makes me feel all emotional inside.

Beth: Yeah, taking a dump makes me feel all emotional too, but the feeling doesn’t last it subsides. Once I pop off  a huge dump in the toilet and throw a few farts, I don’t feel intense anymore. I feel like getting on with my life.

Sandy: You always make love look dirty and cheap Beth. He might be good for Mandy.  

Beth: Yeah, all he probably wants to do is suck Mandy’s  tits and do her tight hairy pussy. Damn sperm chuckers…I am out of here.

Mandy: Bye…bye…Beth.

Sandy: See you later Beth. Don’t let the cranky bugs bite.

Beth: Fuck you Sandy, and fuck you too Mandy.

The door slams and Beth leaves for class and then work. Later on that evening Mandy is getting ready for her date.

Sandy: Hey, Mandy Beth isn’t home yet. I am getting worried. She is never late for Monday night movie night. I got a copy of Rich Freaks Farting in the wild. It is about rich freaks blowing nasty farts and ruining their reputations.

Mandy: Maybe she got tied up in traffic, or maybe she wants us to feel sorry for her and go looking for her. She has done this before…don’t you remember?

Sandy: Yeah, you are right. She has done this before. She will show up, but she seems to always show up around the time that we go on our dates. Well, I haven’t been on a date for sometime.

Mandy: She is not going to ruin my chances with Edwin. I have a feeling he has a big dong, and I want it and nothing is going to stop me!

The phone rings it is Beth.

Sandy: Hello, Beth. Where are you? You got stuck in traffic. I am not going to make Mandy and Edwin wait for you. Mandy is a twenty-five year old women. Bye…Beth. I am hanging up.

Sandy: That was Beth and she wants you to wait until she gets home to go out with Edwin.

Mandy: She is crazy he will be here any minute.

Ding-Dong the door bell rings it is Edwin. Mandy opens the door and lets him in, he is charming. But, Sandy doesn’t totally trust him, there is something wrong with him. She can’t put her finger on it yet.

Edwin: Hello Mandy are you ready to go out?

Edwin sprays on the breath fresher.

Mandy: I will be ready in a few minutes.

Edwin: OK, but don’t take too long. I have plans for us tonight.

Sandy: What kind of plans?

Edwin: They don’t concern you…Sandy.

Sandy: OK…will guess I will go in the other room.

Edwin: You go do that.

Mandy walks out of her room joining Edwin in the living room.

Mandy: Where is Sandy? She usually loves talking to my dates.

Edwin: She went in the other room. I think she had to use the can or something.

Mandy: That is weird. Well, are you ready to go?

Edwin: Yes, I am ready for love.

Mandy: OK…let me get my jacket.

They walk to Edwin’s car she opens her own door. Mandy gets in and they go toward Edwin’s house.  

Edwin: I thought that we would go to my house. I am not up for “dinner” and a “movie”.

Mandy: OK…whatever you want to do.

Edwin: Would you marry me. I need love so bad.

Mandy: Marriage is not in the picture right now. I can’t marry you. I don’t even know you.

Edwin: Why not? I need love. (crying)

Mandy: Are you stoned or just a moron?

Edwin:I can guarantee you I am  not stoned.

Mandy: Well, that leaves the other part of the question. You probably have a profile on one of those sadistic dating sites that pride themselves on saying that everyone  has been background checked. Well, they missed you, or you lied about your sanity.

Edwin: Whatever?

They drive to Edwin’s house. They walk in his front door. Meanwhile back at the apartment Beth is going crazy.

Beth: Have they left yet?

Sandy: They have been gone for fifteen minutes.

Beth: Why did you let them go?

Sandy: He seems like a freak…Beth.

Beth: Mandy has poor taste in men. That is why I wanted you to wait for me. Damn you Sandy!

Sandy: Sorry, but I have to agree with you that guy is a jerk and a psycho. He told me to go in the other room…can you believe that shit?

Beth: What was his name?

Sandy: Edwin, or so he said.

Beth: That guy is a known poor-me-love-sucker.  He takes all the love out of someone and then replaces it with sadness, depression, guilt and pain. He makes a woman feel sorry for him, he might even cry a few tears. Then he gets women to feel sorry for him and then gets them to have sex with him.  We need to get Mandy away from him, before it is too late.

Sandy: What do we do? I don’t know where she went.

Beth: Don’t worry she is in my love triangle on my cell phone. We can track her phone via GPS. Let’s hope she didn’t forget her phone. But, I am sure that they went to his place poor-me-love-suckers don’t like to do anything else but screw on the first date.

Meanwhile at Edwin’s place of doom. Mandy and Edwin are getting comfortable. He is dishing out one of his poor me stories, and has Mandy felling sorry for him. She is all emotional. Will, Beth and Sandy get there in time…lets find out.

Edwin: When I was young my mom didn’t buy me a toy (crying) that I wanted. She told me that she didn’t want me to have that toy. I cried. That hurt me and that has followed me all my life. I am so emotionally hurt by it.

Mandy: You must be hurt. Come here and let me huge you.

Mandy hugs him, but he doesn’t feel right.

Edwin: Can you take off your clothes…please I don’t want to be alone tonight.

Mandy thinks about taking her clothes off. Then she realizes that he might be a poor-me-love-sucker. Meanwhile in Beth’s car. Beth and Sandy find Mandy’s cell phone via GPS using Beth’s where the hell are you option on her phone.

Beth: I have her phone she is the purple dot on the map. It looks like she is on butt street down by the waste management plant. I am sure glad that I got the where the hell are you option on my phone.  Step on the gas you crazy freak.

Sandy: I am driving as fast as I can. I am going to get a ticket. I have already got two tickets this year.

Beth: Come on bitch…take one for the home team.

Meanwhile at Edwin’s love cage. Mandy slowly slides off her clothes as Edwin watches. He slowly takes off his clothes as well. He is using his lust magic on her. But, there is something wrong as he takes off his white underwear. It is so small. She can’t believe it. She now knows that she was wrong about him.

Edwin: You have a beautiful body, but you sure have a lot of pussy hair. I love your nice big breasts and ass. I want to lick you.

Mandy: I quit shaving last month. It takes too much time, besides too many people do it to look “sexy” and be accepted by society. I am tired of conforming to what society does.

Edwin: I want you to shave. You march into that bathroom and do it this instant.

Mandy: No. I refuse, and it is time for me to go. I am going to put my clothes back on.

Edwin: No, I didn’t mean it. Please, I beg of you don’t leave me. (crying) I need love. I want love. I have to have love. (crying). Here let me take my clothes off.

Mandy: You really are fucked up. I am out of here.

Edwin: I am all naked. Do you like what you see?

Mandy: I see that you have shaved your balls but not much else. Your little reproductive stick is a tad bet small for me. You should go join the adult circus. You know the circus for adults only.

Edwin: The circus? What do you mean by that?

Mandy: For having the smallest reproductive stick…you should be in the freak show.

Mandy goes to put her clothes on Edwin stops her.

Edwin: Oh, no you don’t. You have your clothes off and now you are going to give me some loving. I need to be loved.

Mandy: OK, well we are going to do this my way.

Edwin: We are going to do it my way or you can take the highway.

Mandy: OK, I am out of here… the highway sounds good.

Edwin: I didn’t mean that. We got off on a bad note. Here let me kiss you.

Edwin kisses Mandy and they start kissing more.  He dreams of doing Mandy all night long. Then the front door flies open and Beth and Sandy come inside to stop Edwin’s evil plan.

Edwin: My love tool is ready for you.

Mandy: OK…I don’t know why you even bother to get it up.

Edwin: I am going to do you slowly.

Mandy: Whatever…you have nothing that I want, besides that little thing you have has premature ejaculation written all over it.

Edwin: Stop ruining the moment. This is very romantic. I took you home and told you sweet nothings and wooed you all night long…if you know what I mean.  

Mandy: No, this is as romantic as loving a wall.

Edwin: It is going to feel so good to me. I am going to give you some of my “lust” magic. (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he)

Beth swings open Edwin’s front door.

Edwin: Who are you?

Beth: I am not your friend if that is what you think.

Mandy: Thanks Beth. I thought I was a goner.

Beth instantly takes off all her clothes and farts in the Edwin’s face. The gas is so bad that Edwin’s eyes burn and then he barfs up his cookies. Sandy is filming all the action.

Beth: You will not have my friend tonight…or spread your lust magic on her.

Edwin: I think you are wrong. I will have it all. What are you doing?

Beth: I am going to strip off all my clothes and fart in your face.

Edwin: You wouldn’t dare. I am man!!

Beth:It is a good thing you are one the bed. It makes it much easier for me to spread my cheeks and blow a big one in your face pretty face.

Beth sits on Edwin’s face and blows a huge nasty fart in his face.

I am going to sit on your face. You are going to love this…ass munch.

Edwin: No, please…don’t fart in my face. I have heard about you…you are the farting college women.

Beth: Yes, you are so smart. Here it goes…this is not my first time. (poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..asasasdasdadadad!)

Edwin:It burns…it burns…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I am going to throw up! Oh…BARF)))))

Beth: Did you get that on film…Sandy.

Sandy: Sure did…Beth.

Beth: Come on Mandy let’s get you home.

Mandy: With pleasure…bye…Edwin.

Edwin:What did you eat…Beth. I am going to BARF))))). You haven’t seen the last of me Farting College Women.  I will have my gas mask on next time…you hear!  BARF))))))

The three slam the door and drive away leaving Edwin in his barf.

Mandy: That bastard needs counselling.

Sandy: Tell me about it. What a jerk.

Beth: Let’s watch a movie and forget him. You are safe now Mandy.  What did you get for us to watch tonight…Sandy?

Sandy: I got Rich People Farting in the Wild. It is a tape of rich people farting in public and ruining their reputation…thus proving that their shit stinks.

Mandy: That sounds good. I will by the pizza.

Sandy: OK.

Beth: OK

The three get home and have a great movie night.


The Bar Bastard who left in a hurry…

8 09 2007

There once was a man who thought he was grand.
There once was a man who thought he was great.
He went to a club to get some, but soon he would be on the run.
He walked in the club like a stud all decked out in his best clothes.
He walked to the bartender with love and ordered some wine, because he thought he was fine and sophisticated.

He had just broken up with his wife, and he was looking for someone to take her place.
You, see it was his fault his marriage broke apart because he treated his wife like a piece of meat and shit.
He also thought he would make his ex-wife jealous by seeing another woman, but you know what she didn’t give a shit.
She was glad that he was out of her life.
He is the type of man that never takes the blame. It was always someone else’s fault…not his.

He saw a woman on the other side of the bar, and he came to her like a fly on a piece of shit.
She was all alone and his for the taking.
He bought her drinks and tried to get her drunk, but she refused his advances.
He put on the charm.
She was just there to enjoy the music and unwind after a long day.

He wanted to get in her pants.
He wanted to get her with all his might.
He was burning to do her pussy and suck her tits.

She wouldn’t give him the time of the day, so he decided to make her pay.
She was on to his game and when she went to the restroom he followed her into a stall.
Why don’t you want me you bitch he yelled?

You are not the one for me she said.
You are an asshole no wonder why your wife left you.
He started to grab her and force her against the wall.
He grabbed for her clothes.
He thought she was the one that was going to take the fall, well he was wrong.    

The woman grabbed him around the head and forced it into the toilet and flushed. It was just her luck someone had left a huge piece of shit in the bottom of the toilet she grinded his face in it as the toilet flushed. Then she pulled his head out he was shit faced and soaked. She said “don’t you ever touch me again you fuck, now get the fuck out of my face”.

The other woman in the bathroom just laughed.
The man didn’t say a word as he came running out of the bathroom with shit on his face.
The whole bar laughed and shouted at him. The band even stopped playing.

What happened to the man you ask? Well, he never bothered anyone again and a got a bad case of tapeworms.


Asshole Love Cycle II

7 09 2007

The Asshole Relationship TimeLine:

* Asshole meets women.
*Asshole goes on date with women.
*Asshole seems normal at first.
*Asshole starts talking about marriage, because asshole needs “love” and hates to be alone.
*Asshole has been married five times.
*Asshole has sex with woman on first date—he does it by making her feel sorry for him.  He even cries big tears of selfishness.
*Asshole says he can’t have an offspring, and refuses to wear a condom.
*Asshole changes once the date has ended.
*Woman has pregnancy scare.
*Asshole starts being an asshole just after their third date.
*Asshole starts belittling, acting jealous, throwing stuff and pulling the phone out of the wall.
*There are no dates all asshole wants is” loving”.
*Asshole becomes jealous of small animals.
*Asshole has Bi-Polar disorder and abuses alcohol.
*Asshole comes to her apartment drunk wanting loving, but can’t get it up.
*Woman wants to stop seeing asshole.
*Asshole stalks and harasses woman.
*Woman gets restraining order.
*Restraining order doesn’t work.
*Asshole tries to get back by crying, and saying he will change.
*Woman leaves town to get away.

This ends the asshole love cycle II.

* If you are in a bad relationship get out and get help. There are people in your community that can help. Life is too short to live it in fear.