Fart Mistress: The Farting Mistress of the night.

11 02 2008

Warning: Adult Content. Adult Material. Adult theme. Adult Language.

I am the Fart Mistress a fictional character: I am not a Vampire, I am not a Dominatrix, I am the farting Mistress of the night (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he).

You want love.
You want wine.
You think I am divine. 

You ask me to remove my pants.
You ask me to remove my panties with lace, I gladly say OK!
You look at my nude butt with truelove and care.

You get hot when you see my pubic hair—it’s dark follicles welcome you closer to my bosom.
You tell me that you love me.
You tell me that I am yours forever.

I have gas in my ass just waiting to be released into this reality—the smell will fill you with lust.
If you don’t let me stick my butt in your face, I will pout and cry tears of bitterness and haste. 
y mind will be filled with disgrace and disappointment, there will be no pleasure tonight if I can’t fart in your face.
Oh, sweet lover let me do it…let me release a huge fart in your smug ass face.

You let me sit on your face, you cry tears of emotion as you see the beauty of my ass slowly hovering above your nose and mouth.
I push hard and release a fart of great magnitude into your existence.
The fart is filled with love and grace.

You complain that it smells.
You ask me what  I ate.
You ask me why the fart smelled like rotten eggs.

You cry, and get up from the floor.
You get all emotional, not because of the love you feel for me.
Not because you care, but because your eyes are watering from the fart that had just released.

You get up and leave.
You just walk away.
You vow to never return, you say you are finished with me anyway.
There are no tears that I cry.
There are no sad goodbyes.
There is only pleasure that I feel inside…I will fart another day.


The Farting College Women: The adventure at the Lust Package Part 1

29 01 2008

Warning: Adult Content. Adult Theme. Adult Language.

Note: Names are fictious…it is only a story! 

The three ladies head to the bar to relax. They have all been working really hard, and need a break. They walk into the bar and sit at a table. There is only one problem…Mark GreenBill!

Beth: Let’s go out tonight.

Sandy: OK…where do you want to go?

Beth: To the Lust Package…all I know is that I want a long smooth drink. I have been working really hard….lately.

Mandy walks in at the end of the conversation.

Mandy: I don’t know if we should go to a club. Edwin and his jerk posse might be there. I am really tired of him sending me text messages and crying on my voice mail.

Beth: You can stay Mandy, but I am going out. Lusta Golden is going to meet Sandy and I there.

Mandy: Where are you going?

Beth: To the Lust package. They have two dollar shots all night…and the watresses walk around with nothing on but a smile…some even wear latex their so hot. The Lust Packages women’s restroom is full of numbers and sexy messages on the wall…some of the messages get me all hot.

Mandy: I want a cum shot and it is not from a drink if you know what I mean.

Beth: Mandy, that is where you go wrong…you are always looking for physical action. You have to start with the emotional, and then move to the physical. You should be more like Lusta golden and I. We just started using a double headed dildo the other night…up until now we have been watching each other get ourselves off…it makes me all emotional to see her cum. I cry sometimes.  Our love is so deep.

Sandy: You and Lusta are in love. That is so special.

Beth: Hell, yeah we are in love…and it is a sure thing honey. I am thinking about asking her to move in…we are ready to make that jump.

Sandy: You mean there is going to be another member of The Farting College Women?

Beth: Yes…I am afraid so Sandy.

Mandy: Isn’t she a hardcore Vampire?

Beth: Yes, she has to suck someone’s balls dry every once in a while!

Sandy: Wouldn’t that get messy…sucking someones cock dry. What a way to survive…yuck!

Beth: Once she sucks their balls dry they are sterile…the man’s bone is dry.

Mandy: Come on let’s go! We can take my car…that is enough talk about ball sucking.

The three get in Mandy’s hot car and drive to the Lust Package. Mandy parks the car and they enter the club. There are people dancing to gothic disco and wearing latex, black leather, black leather masks, and full latex body suits. They sit down at a private table in the corner of the club.

Mandy: Edwin won’t come here…he is too much of a macho man. He’s into those country western bars.

Sandy: He is not a man at all.

Beth: You can say that again…Sandy. I wonder wear Lusta is…she said that she would be here. I am going to call her cell…I will be right back. Order me a Vodka straight up.  

Beth leaves to call Lusta Golden!

Waitress: Hey, dirty sluts…what can I get you? How do you like my tits? They are real…everything about me is real. I don’t shave my pubic hair. I am a none conformist.

Mandy: That’s nice…your tits are real firm looking.

Waitress: Thank you…

The waitress has on a latex mask, latex body suit, and her tits are sticking out through two holes in her latex body suit.  

Sandy: She called us sluts…We are not…

Mandy puts her hand over Sandy’s mouth.

Mandy: Sandy shut up…you are at the Lust Package. It is customary to call people names here. This is the dirtiest fucked up bar in the city. I have no idea why Beth wanted to come here.

Sandy: Oh…I will have tall glass of milk with ice.

Waitress: OK…and for you temptress?

Mandy: Sandy…I can never figure you out…milk with ice with the fuck? Give me a cum shot….with extra cream. Our friend that is in the restroom wants a Vodka straight.

Waitress: Right away mistress….right away!

Ten minutes later. The waitress brings them their drinks, and Beth comes and sits down.

Sandy: Where were you Beth?

Beth: I was in the restroom taking a dump…when I had to get myself off reading the writing on the wall. There was a man and a woman doing it in the stall next to me they had body paint on…it kind of made me hot. Their moans made crap even faster.

Sandy: Where is Lusta?

Beth: She is running a little late. She had some business to attend to…she will be here in a little while.

Mandy: Oh, crap Edwin just came in with Mark GreenBill.

Beth: Mark GreenBill the actor?

Sandy: No…Mark GreenBill  the celebrity psychiatrist.

Mandy: Oh, yeah I forgot Edwin is working as a bodyguard. That explains why he came in here. Hurry…you have got to hide me.

Beth: What the fuck are you doing Mandy?

Mandy: I am hiding under the table. What the fuck…there are two people doing it under our table.

The People: Damn you…we were just about to cum…together for the first time. (crying)

Mandy: Get a damn room if you don’t want to be interrupted, fucking horny bastards. You better be using birth control we wouldn’t want you two procreating!

The People: Fuck you….

They get up and walk away….

Sandy: Oh, I think they saw my see through panties under the table…I have a huge bush right now.

Beth: Sandy…I just don’t get you sometimes. There is nothing wrong with having a bush…it is totally natural!

Sandy: Mandy, Edwin is coming over to the table with that guy.

Edwin: Hello, ladies have you seen Mandy? Tell her hi for me. I love her. I need love. Love. Love. Please she is the woman of my dreams.

Beth: Bring in the violins, and let the river of tears flow! Edwin take a hint she doesn’t like you.

Sandy: Yeah, Edwin.

Edwin: She would love me if she would only give our love a chance. It will be the truest love ever! I need her so bad (crying)!

Beth: True as a politician on election day.

Edwin: You don’t know true love like I do. You are such a…

Mark GreenBill: Move over Edwin.  Hello ladies…I am Mark GreenBill celebrity psychiatrist. You will never meet a man like me. I am smart and all knowing. I know what all the celebrities need.

Beth: Why don’t you treat Edwin he is fucked up in the head.

Mark GreenBill: He doesn’t make enough money, and isn’t popular enough for me to treat him. I only treat people that have power and prestige…and good insurance.

Beth: You totally define a person that is in it for the money. 
Mark GreenBill: Haven’t you seen my wonderful show? A well known celebraty got me my show, I only went on his show a few times and the rest is history.

Beth: Yeah…Yeah I have seen your crappy show…but fortunately for me I changed the channel.

Mark GreenBill: Oh, you did well I have healed half of Hollywood and everyone comes to me and you know what my solution is…it is rehab. Yes, rehab where all the magic happens. But, you know what I do first? I charge them three thousand dollars to tell them they need rehab.

Beth: Why don’t you get lost.

Mark GreenBill: No, I am going to sit at your table, because you see I am from Hollywood and I am above the law. I am a star…and you know what stars do they can be assholes anytime they want and people think they are being funny (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he).

Beth: I am warning you. You better get lost.

Mark GreenBill: No! I won’t I am a doctor for the stars a man that always gets what he wants.

Edwin: He can do what he wants…Beth. I will stop you if you try anything funny.

Beth: Edwin your dick is so small a bacteria has to jack you off and then you can’t cum.

Edwin: No it doesn’t. I won’t listen to you. My package is fine. My package is the best…I am big I tell you. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Beth: You keep telling yourself that.

Edwin runs out!

Beth: One gone…one more to go.

Mark GreenBill: What did you do to him? I guess he needs counseling. What is your name women? I’m Mark. Do you want to dance.

Sandy: Sandy (he, he, he, he, he, he, he) OK!

Beth: Sandy what are you doing?

Sandy: What does it look like I am doing? I am dancing the night away.

Beth: Fine…but watch your ass!

Mark GreenBill: Yeah…Sandy you better watch your ass I might kiss it later. I am Mark GreenBill…celebrity psychiatrist the richest man in Hollywood.

Beth: Are you stoned, or just a really bad egoist.

Mark GreenBill: I can tell you right now that I am not stoned.

Mark and Sandy dance.

Mandy: Is Edwin gone? Beth, please tell me that the bastard is gone.

Beth: Yeah, he is gone.

Mark and Sandy dance the whole night. Lusta Golden shows up and Beth and Mandy drink more and more. Lusta Golden just moves to the music. Mandy hands Lusta Golden her car keys.

Beth: I am so…messed up.

Mandy: Me too. Lusta Golden I am glad that you are driving home.

Lusta Golden: No…problem thy women.

Beth: Where the fuck is Sandy?

Mandy: I don’t know! Thought she was dancing with Mark GreenBill!

Beth: We have to find her she is like mush in Mark’s arms…we have to save her from is egoist motives.

Mandy: Egoist motives…ha, more like lust motives. That guy is a fucking slut!

Beth: You can say that again. I am so drunk! (burp, burp, burp, burp!)

Mandy: Me too! (burp)

Beth: Lusta ask those freaks if they saw where Sandy went! (burp!)

Lusta Golden: They are not freaks. They are my kind of people!

Lusta walks over to the two dancing freaks, both are wearing latex masks, and body suits!

Lusta Golden: Did you see where our friend went?

Freak one: They went up stairs man…to the hotel! Can you pay me…I need five bucks for a cab fare.

Lusta Golden: Fine…here is five bucks!

Freak two: I know what room they are in…another five bucks please.

Lusta Golden: OK…here is another five bucks?

Beth: Damn this whole society…nothing is free anymore. Everyone wants something for nothing!

Freak Two: They are in room twenty-two! That is known as the fuck room. You have to know the damn code to get in there…man!

Beth: Do you know the code? My friends sanity and health are at stake.

Freak one: No one knows the code. No one! I  wouldn’t even attempt to go in room twenty-two!

Beth: We are going, and you are coming with us!

Freak One: I told you all I know…man! I swear on the vomit that I will hurl tonight.

Freak Two: He means it man! He will hurl, and he will swear tonight that he doesn’t know the code.

Lusta Golden grabs the freaks, because Beth and Mandy are too drunk! They can’t take the stairs so they have to take the elevator. They walk past the desk clerk.

Desk Clerk: Hey, where  are you people going? You can’t go back there, those rooms are private.

Lusta Golden: Yes, we can! Our friend is back there…we have got to save her.

Desk Clerk: Look…I don’t give a fuck about your friend…only VIP people are allowed back here. Do I have to call security?

Beth: Screw VIP, VIP mentality only breeds oppression and injustice!

Desk Clerk: You back off bitches! You back….

Lusta pulls up her skirt and flashes her pussy at the desk clerk. He becomes hypnotized and falls under her spell of lust!

 Desk Clerk: That is the most beautiful pussy that I have ever seen. I want it! I want it! Please, I have to have it! Oh, I am in pain! (thump)

The desk clerk falls under Lusta Golden’s spell of lust, and slowly slides to the floor!

Lusta Golden: Hurry…hurry! He is under my spell of lust! It will wear off in a few minutes, and then he will be his evil self once again.

Freak One: That was some pretty cool shit…how did you do that?

Lusta Golden: Pussy power…pussy power my dear freak!

Freak two: That is some power!

Mandy: You can say that again! (burp)

Beth:That is my lover! (burrrrrrrrrrrrrp) Damn that Vodka!

They find room twenty two, and bang on the door! Freak number one types in the code, the door opens. Freak one and Freak two make a run for it!

Freak One: We are out of here!

Freak Two: Hell…yeah! See ya!

Lusta Golden: We don’t need them anyway!

Beth: What the hell is this? There is fur all over the walls, and flashing lights everywhere!

Mandy: There is Sandy on that big fuzzy purple bed! (burp)

Lusta Golden: Unhand the fare woman you male slut!

Mark GreenBill: No, she is mine to have and to control…I am going to get someone to control before this night is over (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)! I purposely had them get you drunk farting College Women so I could get..some time with your friend Sandy! You are too drunk to fart on me now! I am above the law…my law!

Mandy: We are pretty damn drunk, but I am not afraid of you! I think I am going to throw up!

Mark GreenBill: No, one can protect your friend  now…we are in love! It is only a matter of time before she is mine, and you can do nothing about it!

Sandy: What are you doing? We are in love. In the deepest love. He says we are getting married, and moving to an island of dreams.

Mark GreenBill: Yeah, I just want someone to love. Love is all that  Iwant! I am not going to hurt your friend…just control her! (Wooooooooooooooooooo, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Lusta Golden: This guy is about to piss me off!

Beth: Hey, were are you going?

Mark GreenBill: I am taking her to my love chamber….and we are going to consummate our love!

Sandy: He was telling me that he wants us to have a world of love.

Lusta Golden: Unhand her…you jerk!

Mark GreenBill: No!

Beth: That is it!

Beth takes off her pants and pushes Mark on to the bed, and puts her ass in his face, but she can’t fart.

Beth:  I can’t fart…what is happening to me! AAAAAAA!

Mark Green: I had them add some anti-fart solution to your drinks you can’t fart ever again!!!! (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha) Oh, your ass smells so sweet like a spring day in April! (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)!

Mandy: Oh no!

Lusta Golden: Oh….shit!

Sandy: I love you mark!

Will Beth get her gas back or will Mark GreenBill win, find out in the next episode of The Farting College Women: The Adventure at the Lust Package.

FIN for now!

Lusta Golden: A peom of a female Hardcore Vampire…

5 01 2008


I walk the night in search of him.
I walk the night in search of seed.
It is the seed that keeps me alive and makes me a freak.

I am in the shadows.
I am in the darkness.
I am the night.

He may want love.
He may find me kinky and down right perverse .
I can never love.
I can only seek pleasure that is unforgiven in the mind of humanness.

It is not blood that I crave.
It is not compassion or companionship that I seek.
It is seed…it the very spark of life that I crave and need.

He may beg me to make love to him.
He may beg me for pleasure of the darkest kind.
To me there is no pleasure there is only cravings of dark emotion of what was yesterday.

I remove my clothes before him.
He sees a women with breasts and a pussy full of hair.
What I feel inside is not pity for the lust that he has for me.

He lays me down in my bed chamber.
We kiss.
We play under the sheets.
I want him to be with me. 

I feel his world inside of me.
I beg for his seed…I beg him not to hold back.

Then he ejoculates his seed deep inside of my bosom of love.

I feel his emotion: I take it away.
I feel his manhood screaming out for more: I take it away.
I feel his lust: I take it away.

He begs me for more.
We make love all night, by mornings light he is too weak to walk or stand.
His love gland empty of seed.
He lay on the bed of my chamber too weak to speak…to caress…to touch, but he is alive.

I walk away filled with energy.
I walk away filled with life.
I walk away to live another day in this world filled with unforgiven tendency’s.

He will never know what I am.
He will never know who I am.
He will never know what I have become.
He will leave my abode…and go about his life thinking of that one hot we had made.

The Adventures of Hardcore Vampire: The Pub Pick up part 2

4 01 2008



Lusta Gold (A hardcore Vampire)
Freak Rick (A man)

They drive to Lusta Gold’s Flat. They walk to her door and she reaches into her travel bag to pull out her house keys. Freak Rick can hardly wait to get her inside. He starts kissing her as she opens the door.

Lusta Gold: Hold on thy love…there will be time for kissing when we enter my abode.

Freak Rick: I can hardly contain myself my love…your lips taste so good and your body feels so right. My lust pole is begging for you…my seductive queen of the night. (kissing Lusta Gold)

Lusta Gold: I can feel your love bulge…here let me free it from it’s cage.

Lusta gold closes the door and unzips Freak Rick’s jeans.

Freak Rick: Yes, Lusta Gold unzip it. I want to feel my lust pole in your lusty mouth of dreams.

Lusta Gold: That you shall have in abundance…when I am ready.

Freak Rick: Take thy love pole and pleasure it this instant. I shall not say a word when it is in your mouth of fantasy.

Lusta Gold: Not, I now! We shall go to my chamber of love. Thy chamber of love is adequate for loving a man such as you.

Freak Rick: Why must you treat me this way my queen of the night. It is I that is in charge. It is I that will make you do as I please.

Lusta Gold: Shut your mouth Night Prince for you are not here for pleasure, you are here for pain. You will do as I please…or you will leave this instant.

Freak Rick: Not, I, I shall never leave your side. Pain…how could this moment be pain…my love?  

Lusta Gold: Come with me…Freak Rick to my bed chamber, and celebrate our loves dawning. The morning shall be here soon, and your seed shall be mine….all mine (he, he, he, he, he)

Freak Rick: That laugh scares me.

Lusta Gold: Good…as it should my Prince.

They walk up stairs to Lusta Gold’s bed chamber, but will it be for pleasure or pain? It seems Rick Freak might be in trouble. Stay tuned for the next episode of The Adventures of Hardcore Vampire.

 FIN for now…he, he, he, he, he….

The Adventures of Hardcore Vampire: The Pub pick up part 1

3 01 2008



Freak Rick (A man)
Lusta Golden (A hardcore Vampire)
Silver Fang (Lusta Golden’s sidekick)

Freak Rick enters a pub to looking for some loving…if you know what  I mean. He looks around for a woman to seduce, and prissies on over to the bar to get a woman’s attention that he is interested in…her name is Lusta Golden. But, little does he know she is a Hardcore Vampire…(woooo-haaaaaaaa)!

Freak Rick: Can I sit by you my lady? It is I who have dreamed many nights about a fair maiden such as you…my love. ( He kisses her hand)

Lusta Gold: Yes, you may sit by me my love, as long as you are not from royalty kind sir. People of royalty have corncobs up their asses!

Freak Rick: No, not I fair maiden, I am from a class all of my own…and I am at your service.

Silver Fang: I wish someone would service me…I need a good romp in the hay (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he) .

 Lusta Gold: You shall not have him tonight my friend…leave me this instant. Your pussy shall remain dry tonight.

Silver Fang: Fine…if you are going to be a hag about it. (She walks to another part of the bar)

Lusta Golden: Sit and have an Ale you are looking fine. You look like a man that I could learn to lust over in time…light my cigarette please kind gent.

Freak Rick: What do  you mean time…love? I must be with you tonight…my seed must be squirted upon your bosom of beauty.

Lusta Golden: Oh, you are so foul kind sir…I shall have to think about your invitation. I am almost sure that your seed is impure.

Freak Rick: Yes, my love my seed has been squirted upon many maidens across the land. But, it is me that wants your lust hole. It is me that wants to caress and suck your lovely breasts of passion.

Lusta Golden: I don’t want your seed on me I want it in me. I am sure that you must squirt in large amounts.

Rick Freak: Yes, I squirt a lot my love…my lust balls are full of love juice.

Lusta Golden: Let’s go to thy place and have a time. I am prepared to give myself to you. I must receive your loves gift.

 Rick Freak: Yes, my love I too need your evenings love kiss.

Lusta Golden:Then it is settled. We shall drive to my place without a moment to lose. Time is of the essence to me too, it will be day break soon. And a women with my complexion must stay out of the sun…so that I will remain young.

Freak Rick: Are you a Vampire or something?

Lusta Golden: I have a lot of people ask me that…I refuse to answer that question it is good to keep people misinformed. Come on my car is parked in the parking lot.

They walk to the parking lot. Freak Rick offers his car, but Lusta Golden offers her transportation.

Freak Rick: Let’s take my car. It is warm and dry.

Lusta Gold:If we are going to have an evening of passinate horney business, we are going to my house…step inside my car.

Freak Rick: OK…

Rick Gets inside of the car and they drive to her house.

Will Rick Freak and Lusta Golden Hook up? You will just have to wait and see….for the next adventures of the Hardcore Vampire.