POST RATING: ADULT. ADULT CONTENT. ADULT THEMES.
Mandy: My parents have asked me to go with them to a dinner party this evening. It has something to do with my dad’s company.
Sandy: Wow, your parents are in town?
Mandy: Yeah, I am not really happy. My mom is always asking me if I found a man. She wants me to get married, and live in a nice little house with a white picket fence.
Beth: It seems like every man you find, you always end up blowing a fart in his smug face. Look, bitch you are better off without a man.
Mandy: I guess so Beth, but I do like a nice cock every now and then.
Beth: Use a vibrator; you will have less headaches and emotional baggage. I have to get to class. Let me know if you want me to go to that dinner party with you.
Mandy: I will let you know. Beth?
Beth: Yeah!
Mandy: Thanks for being my friend.
Beth: You’re welcome.
Sandy: Don’t mind Beth, she is just bitter.
Betty: I heard that bitch.
Mandy: She may be bitter, but she is right most of the time.
The door slams, and Beth leaves.
Sandy: I have to get going. I will see you after class and work, Beth is giving me a ride home.
Mandy: OK.
Sandy leaves and phone rings it is Mandy’s mom.
Phone: Ring, Ring, Ring!!!
Mandy: Hello!
Mandy’s Mom: Hello, Mandy. We are going shopping today. We have to get you a dress that looks nice, so you can get a man.
Mandy: Mom, I have clothes to wear. I don’t want a man. I want an education, and freedom.
Mandy’s Mom: You are going to that dinner party, and you are not bringing your friend Beth. She is too weird to be seen around my “friends”, and she comes from a middle class family. We are an upper class family, and you will only have upper class friends.
Mandy: Who cares mom? She is a good friend. Your rich freak friends all have corncobs up their asses.
Mandy’s Mom: How dare you talk about my friends that way, leave them out of this conversation? All I am saying is if you don’t go to the party I am cutting off your college funding, you will not get another dime from me or your dad.
Mandy: Who decided to take my funding away?
Mandy’s Mom: I did! Your dad has no say in the matter…he doesn’t know about my plans (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.woo-haaaa!).
Mandy: You can’t do that. I love being independent. I am almost done with college. Dad will be pissed; he will never let you do this.
Mandy’s Mom: He will never know. You need a man. I met your dad in college. We met the first week I was there, and then I quit college never to return.
Mandy: Yeah, that was when women went to college to meet a man. The times have changed. Hell, I don’t need a man to have an offspring. I can go to a sperm bank, and get sperm from a cup. I don’t need a dick to get me pregnant.
Mandy’s Mom: Well, times have not changed for you, I will see to that. I am sure that you are not a virgin. That was one thing that I was when I met your dad…a VIRGIN!!!!!
Mandy: It is none of your business who I have sex with, I am twenty six years old.
Mandy’s Mom: You have been having sex, and you just admitted it. You have to repent your sins. You sinner! You damn little tramp!!!
Mandy: Goodbye mom. I won’t be going to that party.
Mandy’s Mom: Please, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to lose you. I will make it up to you. Please come to the party. Please. What can I do? I have a nice man for you.
Mandy: Is your mental illness acting up again? You should try taking your medication that would be a start, and stop thinking that your shit doesn’t stink because it does. You need to stop judging people, and look at your own fucked up life.
Mandy’s Mom: College has corrupted you. YOU BETTER BE AT THAT PARTY! I HAVE A MAN FOR YOU TO MARRY!!
Mandy: Now, you are arranging marriages. That is bullshit.
Mandy’s Mom: Don’t you back talk me. Your new man is picking you up at six, you better be ready. I am sending you a dress, because I am in any mood to see you. You better wear the dress…or else. (CLICK)
Mandy’s mom hangs up.
Mandy: What a freak. I think she has gone too far.
Mandy spends the rest of the day studying for finals. She looks up at the clock and it is four o’clock. Beth comes home with Sandy.
Beth: Hey, bitch I am home.
Sandy: Would you stop calling everyone a bitch…Beth. I am not a bitch.
Beth: You know that I don’t mean it. You and Mandy are my bitches. Come and give me a kiss, hot muffin cakes.
Sandy: Get away from…Mandy what is wrong? Why are you crying?
Mandy: (Crying) My mom made me go to the party, she is sending a man to pick me up at six.
Beth: Why that bitch!!
Sandy: You called her a bitch. I am confused?
Beth: No, I mean Mandy’s Mom is a really a bitch. She can’t get away with this trying to arrange a date and possible marriage.
Sandy: He might be nice.
Beth: Sandy would you stop being a party pooper. He is probably a prissy smug control freak asshole with a big bank account and not much else. Mandy why are you crying?
Mandy: You haven’t seen the dress that she sent me to wear. Look at this…
The dress is eighties style. It is pink with fluffy balls on it.
Beth: This dress sucks! Does she think you are going to prom or something?
Mandy: This is my prom dress!! What the fuck. My mom has gone totally insane.
Sandy: It has nice puffy balls on it.
Beth: Sandy, you are making things worse.
Mandy: She wants me to start over. The last time my mom was able to control me was when I was in high school. She told me who I could date! She made me break up with a guy that I was seeing, because he was middle class and didn’t have the same “beliefs” as my family. I really hurt him. My mom is never going to control me again.
Beth: I have a plan, but first we have to see what your “man” date looks like?
Sandy: He might be cool.
Beth: He may have also been forced to go on this date. If he was we can give the party goers a show that they will never forget.
Sandy: What are you going to do…Beth? You aren’t going to get Mandy into trouble are you?
Beth: Sandy? Would you stop being such a worry freak!
Mandy: What are you going to make me do?
Beth: Let’s just wait for your date? Mandy make sure you put sexy panties on. You know the ones that expose your woman goods.
The ladies wait until six pm. Her date shows up. He drives up in a normal looking car. He rings the doorbell. Beth answers the door.
Beth: May… I help you?
Zack: My name is Zack, and I am here for Mandy against my will.
Beth: Come right on in Zack. We have been expecting you.
Zack: I am not here because I want to be. It is because my mom is insane. I was told to come to this dinner party. My mom thinks that I need a woman. She threatened to take away my college funds.
Beth: Mandy is having the same trouble with her mom.
Mandy: Hello, I am Mandy.
Zack: Nice to meet you Mandy. I am not interested in you. I have my own friends, and I am not going to wear my prom suit or date you. My mom sent me a plane ticket to come visit. I get out here and she tells me that I have to pick you up at six pm. My dad knows nothing about this arrangement. I go to college two thousand miles away. This makes no sense at all.
Mandy: I have the same problem. I am not interested in you either. You are good looking don’t get me wrong.
Zack: Don’t worry about it.
Beth: I have a plan to get back at your rich freak moms.
Sandy: Beth, don’t get involved. This is not your problem.
Beth: Sandy, it became my problem when Mandy’s mom had a problem with me being middle class and weird.
Sandy: Well, I guess you are right.
Beth: You damn right… I am bitch.
Mandy: What is your plan?
Beth: You will go to the dinner as planned. You will wear your normal clothes, but you will start making out in front of all the dinner guests. You will even show certain taboo body parts.
Mandy: Are you crazy?
Zack: She does have a point at least it will make my mom think that I am straight.
Beth: Are you straight?
Zack: Yes, but my mom doesn’t think so, because I don’t have a woman in my life. I don’t have time to see anyone. College takes a lot out of me.
Mandy: I get that a lot. I think I will wear the prom dress. I can’t wait to see the power hungry look in my mom’s eyes when I walk into that party, and seeing her crap her pants.
Zack: I think I am going to wear my prom suit, but I am not going to wear any underwear.
Beth: Are you going let your big ball’s hang out?
Zack: Yes, I am going to give those rich freaks the show of their lives.
Mandy: Me too. I am going to get dressed.
Zack and Mandy get dressed. Beth goes to the corner flower shop and gets flowers for both of them. They are now ready to go to the party.
Beth: You two look really great. Are you nervous…this is your first date. I am going to be your driver tonight, and Sandy will be your back seat driver.
Mandy: Hell, no I am not nervous let’s do this.
Zack Yeah, I guess I am ready.
Sandy: I am not a back seat driver.
Beth: Yes, you are… you are always telling me how to drive.
Sandy: I am not.
Beth: You are too.
Mandy: Would you two put a dildo in it. We are going to be late for the party.
They get in the car and drive to the party. They pull up to the party. There are all kinds of rich freaks. They are drinking twelve hundred dollar bottles of wine, and talking about all the shit they own. They see Beth’s car pull up, and people laugh. When Mandy’s mom sees Beth she gets pissed off, and goes inside. They park the car and they go inside. They are carded at the door, no one under twenty-one is allowed. Beth is dressed in a suit and tie. Sandy is dressed in a dinner dress with flowers. Beth grabs the microphone as the Zack and Mandy walk in.
Beth: Welcome one and all. I want to introduce to you a loving couple. A couple that is so in love that it hurts to see them. I want you to give them a big hand.
The crowd cheers.
Mandy’s mom passes out. Mandy and Zach make their introduction kissing and petting each other. Zack lifts up Mandy’s dress. She is not wearing any panties. She strips off all her clothes and so does Zack. They run around naked chasing each other. Beth stays in the microphone.
Beth: How about that ladies and gentleman. You are witnessing true love. Love that only certain people in the audience can arrange. You see Beth didn’t want to go on an arranged date with Zack, but two people in audience threatened to take away their college funding. These certain people would rather see their offspring be married, than become productive educated citizens. You see some parents just can’t get it right. They are too busy worrying about their offspring “straying” away from their teachings that they ruin their offspring’s lives.
Zack and Mandy dance naked in front of the crowd as Beth makes her speech. Some people leave others stay in amazement.
Beth: Ladies and gentlemen. This will be their first kiss of the evening. It will be more than a kiss. It will be the kiss of lust. There might be some pussy kissing and their might be some shaft sucking, because they are in love.
Mandy’s Mom: That will be enough Beth. You have made your point. You are right I was trying to control Mandy. I envy her that little bitch. I wanted her to be as miserable as me in my filthy marriage. Well, you can have your fucking college money Mandy. Just go put your fucking clothes back on.
Mandy walks to the microphone.
Mandy: Mom you have done it this time. I am not a bitch, and I am going to put my clothes on. Zach and myself are going to put our clothes on when we are ready. There is one thing that I must do first before I leave, because I have homework.
Beth: Yes, there is one thing that we must do…fart in the microphone. Yes, we have gas that is stuck in our asses. Zach, would you join us?
Zack: Yes, I would love to. I have a fart brewing in my man ass too.
They all get in a circle and point their asses toward the microphone, and let it all go. Their farts are so loud and nasty that the cops come because someone called complaining about the gas and the noise. The three ladies left the party with Zack, and they all went back to their lives. Zack calls Mandy sometimes to see how she is doing. Mandy is glad to have best friends like Sandy and Beth. And the most important thing is that she is free to choose who she wants to see.
FIN
Satire Society 