The farting college women: Beths breakup…short.

1 03 2008


Beth sticks her ass in his face and lets a fart go without disgrace.
He asks why must you fart this way?  (He gags from the smell).

Farting is my game cries Beth.
He wipes his eyes, and says what a bad game!
Yes, she cried. It is a bad game.

I don’t desire you, cried Beth.
He asks her why not.
She replies I feel nothing for you, therefore we don’t exist as a couple anymore.

Who are you going to love?
I will love not you,
I will love her.
I am through with lust poles.
I am through with the drama from you and all the baggage that you conceal.
Therefore we are no more.
They go their separate ways…never to be again!


The Farting College women: Beth’s advice…oh yeah!

1 03 2008

Warning: Adult Material. Adult Content. Mature Content.  


Oh, why has Beth taken me from him?
Why must love go astray.
Oh, sweet passion were are you?

I wanted him.
I felt he was the one deep inside of my spherical existence.
There is no…him and there is no love.


You were better off without him Fair Maiden Sandy.
He led you astray,
all he wanted was your melons…OK.


My melons?
How dare you say such things are you a friend or foe?
All he wanted was a cup of tea and to walk hand-in-hand through the park of dreams and emotions.


A cup of tea…my ass?
The park…ha!
A cup of lust with extra cream is more like it, and
let me tell you his cream doesn’t come from cows!
All he wanted was your lust hole…and maybe your bumhole,
and not exactly in that order!


Are you saying he wanted me for  one thing?
He wanted to have “relations” with me?
That is prosperous.


What planet are you from?


I am very mad at you…Beth.
Look at his e-I am true are you account?
Look at the words that he wrote…he is a poet.

His account:

I need someone to complete me. I need a better half, because right now I am only half whole. I need to find the woman of my dreams…could you be that woman? I am a man of loneliness and desperation. I am a man that makes the world sing, streams flow, and the stars shine! I am a man of dreams and pleasure. Dreams and pleasure. I am crying tears now. Oh, please come and save me!


Very touching lines,
it is lies all lies.
He is a poet in many women’s eyes.
Have you ever wondered why he is on the site? I mean look at his words of desperation, if he is all those things that he says he is, then why isn’t he with someone? That is the question to ponder.


Oh, why must you make me feel this way?
Oh, must I deal with these feelings of pain and pleasure.
Oh, the humanity.


Drop the drama queen act.
Let’s go watch a movie.




Note: To find out what these characters are talking about. See the Farting women: The adventure at the lust package (the trilogy).

The Farting College women: The adventure at the lust package part 3! The End of a Trilogy!

25 02 2008

Warning: Adult content. Adult Material. Adult theme. Adult Language!

In our last episode Mark GreenBill tried to seduce Sandy. Mandy and Beth had to come to her rescue. Then Mark got farted on, and Sandy is still under his spell. Will, the women break the spell or will Sandy be lost forever, find out in the conclusion of The farting college women: the adventure at the the lust package!

Sandy: How could you do that to Mark. All he wanted to do is love me. Love, it is what I have always wanted. We were going to have ice cream and punch in his room of love. Then he was going to show me his stamp collection.

Mandy: You are so naive Sandy, he was going to show you more than that. Stamp collection my ass, little package is more like it.

Beth: You need to snap out of it Sandy. Mark was trying to seduce you. I don’t think you are ready for that kind of seduction.

Sandy: I hate you Beth. I am twenty five years old. You and Mandy are bitches!

Beth: That is right I am a bitch, but I am your friend and friends help friends out!

Mandy: Hold on I have a call. Hello, yeah whatever, you  ass! Goodbye!

Sandy: Who was it?

Mandy: It was Edwin crying on the phone again. That bastard still thinks our love was meant to last, I think he was drunk or something. He says that  I am the woman of his dreams, can you believe that shit. He is crazy…some people have to have love.

Beth: Fuck him, I have just about had it with sperm  chuckers.

Sandy: I am going to my man!

Beth: No, you can’t!

Sandy: Yes, I can you bitch, and no one can stop me!

Sandy goes to Marks house. That is when she finds him with another women! Sandy walks into Mark’s house and goes to his bedroom and finds him…well you know!

Sandy: I am here my love! I want to give you all of me!

Sounds from Mark’s room: Oh, yes that feels so good. Ah! I love your body oh yeah! Give it to me. Oh, Mark you are so smooth! I know I am…ah!

Sandy: What are you doing Mark?

Mark: What does it look like I am doing? I am with another women! We are lust dancing, OK!

Other Women: Yeah, we are doing the tango of lust, and what are you going to do about it!

Sandy: I don’t know, but I will think of something! What am I doing here? Where am I?

Mark GreenBill: You are at my apartment Sandy! You are welcome to join us? There is plenty of room for one more! But, first you must shave your muff in the shape of a triangle and really short.

Sandy: OK! (shyly)

Sandy Takes off her clothes and jumps into bed with the other women and Mark. But, she has no plans of doing it! In all her sorrow she went on an eating binge and is now sporting some gas in her beautiful feminine ass!

The other women: You have such a beautiful body, but way to much pubic hair. And anyone that is anyone shaves, so march right into the bathroom and shave.

Mark Greenbill: If she wants to keep her hair that is fine. I am just a horney bastard right now!

Sandy: Why don’t you kiss my ass, it turns me on other women!

Other Women: Oh, I want to I am so turned on now! Oh, mark Kiss my butt while I am kissing hers!

Mark GreenBill: Oh, yeah my mistress I shall drink of your sweet ass of pleasure! My tongue lusts to taste it’s sweetness! mmmmmmm! (kiss) (kiss)

Sandy put her plan into action. She thought what Beth would do. Then she felt a big fart brewing in her ass! I was so big that it hurt! She waited for the right moment…then released the gas from her ass!

The other woman: Mmmm! Sandy your butt is sooooo nice! There is not a single pimple on it!

Sandy:  Yes, well I take care of my butt! You aren’t going to think that much longer!

Mark GreenBill: It is trap she is going to fart on us!

Mark runs for cover! The other woman stays with Sandy!

The other woman: mmmmmmmmmmmm! mmmmm! (kiss) (kiss) (kiss) (kiss)

Sandy: Are you ready for a big surprise?

The other women: Yes, I am ready my love!

Sandy: OK…here it goes!

Sandy’s ass:poooooooooooooooooo! ooooooooooooooooooooooo! ooooooooooooo! shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! lalalalala!

The other women: Oh, I think I am going to be sick! Oh, shit I got a piece of corn stuck in my teeth!

Sandy: That ain’t corn that was an almond!

The other woman: How dare you fart on me! How dare you break wind in my presents! I am royalty! I am going to barf the smell is just sick! (Barf) (Barf)

Mark Greenbill: Are you OK lover?

The other women: I want to go home! I am out of here!

Mark GreenBill: You can’t! I need hardcore loving…tonight!

The other woman: You can use your hand! My plastic surgery is melting! Look at me! Her fart ruined my whole complexion! I am going to have to go see my plastic surgeon tomorrow…thanks to that tramp!

Mark Greenbill: Look what you did Sandy! I am breaking up with you!

Sandy: Good, we were already broken up the minute I walked in here and found you with…her.

Mark GreenBill: You don’t mean that! I thought we had something! Please, don’t leave me alone! I can’t stand to be alone! I need love! Love, I need love (crying). Please I beg of you!

Sandy: Goodbye bastard. Goodbye!

Sandy leaves Mark’s house and goes back home. She takes Beth and Mandy out to dinner and they have a ladies evening. You may ask what happened to Mark…he is still calling Sandy crying drunk off his ass! The other woman got her face fixed and lives in another country! Until that next time…stay tuned for another amazing episode of the farting college women!


The Farting College women: The Adventure at the Lust package Part 2

16 02 2008

Warning: adult Content! Adult Material. Adult Theme. Adult Language.

Note: all names are fictional. It is a story!

In our last episode Beth lost her farting powers. She was just about to fart on Mark GreenBill to save her friend Sandy from his horrible seduction of sickness. But, just as she had her ass in his face she couldn’t fart. Will she get her Fart powers back? Find out in this episode…ladies and gentlemen!

Mandy: What did you do to her…Mark GreenBill? Why can’t she fart?!

Mark GreenBill: I had my henchmen spike her drink with gas be gone, and now she will never fart ever again, and Sandy and I can live happily ever after (he, he, he, he, he, he…ha, ha, ha, ha)!

Sandy: Yes, my love we will move to an island paradise filled with love and passion.

Mandy: More like mosquitoes and malaria.

Sandy: Why do you have to ruin it for me…Mandy. We are going to live in paradise just Mark and me.

Mark GreenBill: Yeah, and Sandy will wear flowers and beads, and we can run around naked all day long in the hot, hot, sun! 

Beth: Gas be gone…NO!

Mark GreenBill: Yes, I am afraid so Beth isn’t it nice. Your ass is now silent. There are no farts coming from it. You won’t be able to free Sandy from my control and power trips (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)!!!

Mandy: Not so fast Mark GreenBill, you forgot about me. I have gas it was that corn dog that I ate. It was the sauerkraut that I had for lunch…it was the corn on the cob I had for my afternoon snack. I am going to fart in your fucking smug ass face.  I might blow a piece of corn in your eye, so say goodbye to all this and hello to my fucking nasty ass fart!

Mark GreenBill: No, you can’t have gas…they put gas be gone in your fucking beer too. You can’t get gas.

Mandy: Mark, you are such an amateur. I like fruity drinks, beer tastes like horse piss…and looks like it too.

Sandy: Don’t bother my man…you tramp!

Mandy: How dare you call me a tramp…after all the we have been through.

Mark GreenBill: Yeah, tramp leave me alone. Sandy and I have bed surfing to do with our clothes off if you know what I mean.

Mandy: Yeah, I know what you mean you asshole. Beth, take Sandy with you, Mr. GreenBill and I have some things to talk about.

Beth: OK…I am out of here. I need to go eat some cabbage anyway…Sandy move your ass!

Sandy: No, you are a bitch and you are just jealous that I have a man and you don’t.

Beth: Don’t worry bitch…trust me I don’t envy you in any way! And besides I swing the “other way”!

Mark GreenBill: What do you mean…Beth. I am a stud…a catch of the year and your just jealous that Sandy has a dick…my dick. If you had my dick you would go back to loving men.

Mandy: You are such a dick Mark!

Beth: Fat chance…your dick is too small for the likes of me, and besides who needs a sperm chucker like you.

Mark GreenBill: I am not small. I have a big one. I have a big one. Sandy Beth is hurting my feelings. I am all emotional now!

Mandy: Yeah, Mark you are a dick!

Sandy: Shut the fuck up Mandy, and get the hell out of my life.

Mandy: What has he done to you…Sandy!

Mark GreenBill: I am such a catch…that is why she is the way that she is.

Mandy: You are a catch alright…you are going to catch a piece corn in your eye from my ass!

Mark GreenBill: I would like to see you try!

Beth picks up Sandy and puts her over her shoulder. Mark GreenBill makes a run for it. He is too much of an asshole to fight his own battles. Mandy Corners Mark in one corner of the fuzzy room with shag carpet.  

Sandy: Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA! 

Mark GreenBill: You can’t stop me! I am Mark…what are you doing?

Mandy: I am taking my dress off…Mark!

Mark GreenBill: You don’t have any panties on you are so hot! Oh, you have a nice body! Your tits are so real, but you need to shave your pussy! I am telling Sandy that she has to after we consummate our love for the first time.

Mandy: There will be no first time, and unfortunatly for you I have plans for you, and fortunately for me I am going to fart in your smug ass face.

Mark GreenBill: You wouldn’t dare…fart in my beautiful fucking face.

Mandy pushes Mark on to the shag carpet bed, and then she sits on his face!

Mark GreenBill: Your ass smells so good Mandy, it smells like rose garden surprise. Don’t you want to rethink this, I mean we could be lovers forever.

Mandy: No, Mark forever seems too long, and I have gas in my ass…and I am going to fart. My ass won’t smell like roses anymore it will smell like dog shit in the garden surprise. Oh, it is almost here, I can feel it coming from deep within, oh here it comes Mark. I am almost there…Mark.

Mandy’s Fart:Poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! POPOPOPOPOPOPOPO!

Mark GreenBill: It smells. I am…going…to (Barf) I have a piece of corn stuck in my mouth you, and in my nose! My face is burning! My Eyes! My Nose! What did you eat your freak.

Mandy: Goodbye…Mark! I hope that I have ruined your smug ass face, and reputation!

Mark GreenBill: I will get you Mandy, and the rest of the farting college women! After I have surgery to correct my contaminated face if it is the last thing that I do! I will get my revenge do you hear me farting college women!!!!!!!!!

Mandy: We will be waiting…you bastard!

Mandy walks out into the bar. Beth can’t get Sandy to stop crying! She is fighting Beth!

Mandy: what is wrong!

Beth: She is sick! She has second-hand asshole disease.

Mandy: I have never heard of that…come on Sandy come back to us!

Beth: Yes, it is the same thing as second hand smoke if you are around it too long you could get cancer. She was around an asshole for too long, and now all she will date is assholes…we have got to break the cycle. 

Mandy: What are we going to do?

Beth: I don’t know, but I have to think of something fast! Oh, I got my farting powers back.

Mandy: What did you do?

Beth: I ate a bunch of cabbage, and legumes. Tasted like crap, but I am ready to take on all assholes of this world!

Mandy: That is great…you should get a medal for that.

Beth: You are such a smart ass Mandy!

Mandy: Yes, isn’t it great!

Sandy: Mark where are you my love. My love! My love!!!

Beth: We have got to do something fast!

Will Sandy recover from asshole disease, or will she love assholes all her life. Find out in the next episode of The Farting College Women: The Adventure at the Lust package.

FIN: for now!

The Farting College Women: The adventure at the Lust Package Part 1

29 01 2008

Warning: Adult Content. Adult Theme. Adult Language.

Note: Names are fictious…it is only a story! 

The three ladies head to the bar to relax. They have all been working really hard, and need a break. They walk into the bar and sit at a table. There is only one problem…Mark GreenBill!

Beth: Let’s go out tonight.

Sandy: OK…where do you want to go?

Beth: To the Lust Package…all I know is that I want a long smooth drink. I have been working really hard….lately.

Mandy walks in at the end of the conversation.

Mandy: I don’t know if we should go to a club. Edwin and his jerk posse might be there. I am really tired of him sending me text messages and crying on my voice mail.

Beth: You can stay Mandy, but I am going out. Lusta Golden is going to meet Sandy and I there.

Mandy: Where are you going?

Beth: To the Lust package. They have two dollar shots all night…and the watresses walk around with nothing on but a smile…some even wear latex their so hot. The Lust Packages women’s restroom is full of numbers and sexy messages on the wall…some of the messages get me all hot.

Mandy: I want a cum shot and it is not from a drink if you know what I mean.

Beth: Mandy, that is where you go wrong…you are always looking for physical action. You have to start with the emotional, and then move to the physical. You should be more like Lusta golden and I. We just started using a double headed dildo the other night…up until now we have been watching each other get ourselves off…it makes me all emotional to see her cum. I cry sometimes.  Our love is so deep.

Sandy: You and Lusta are in love. That is so special.

Beth: Hell, yeah we are in love…and it is a sure thing honey. I am thinking about asking her to move in…we are ready to make that jump.

Sandy: You mean there is going to be another member of The Farting College Women?

Beth: Yes…I am afraid so Sandy.

Mandy: Isn’t she a hardcore Vampire?

Beth: Yes, she has to suck someone’s balls dry every once in a while!

Sandy: Wouldn’t that get messy…sucking someones cock dry. What a way to survive…yuck!

Beth: Once she sucks their balls dry they are sterile…the man’s bone is dry.

Mandy: Come on let’s go! We can take my car…that is enough talk about ball sucking.

The three get in Mandy’s hot car and drive to the Lust Package. Mandy parks the car and they enter the club. There are people dancing to gothic disco and wearing latex, black leather, black leather masks, and full latex body suits. They sit down at a private table in the corner of the club.

Mandy: Edwin won’t come here…he is too much of a macho man. He’s into those country western bars.

Sandy: He is not a man at all.

Beth: You can say that again…Sandy. I wonder wear Lusta is…she said that she would be here. I am going to call her cell…I will be right back. Order me a Vodka straight up.  

Beth leaves to call Lusta Golden!

Waitress: Hey, dirty sluts…what can I get you? How do you like my tits? They are real…everything about me is real. I don’t shave my pubic hair. I am a none conformist.

Mandy: That’s nice…your tits are real firm looking.

Waitress: Thank you…

The waitress has on a latex mask, latex body suit, and her tits are sticking out through two holes in her latex body suit.  

Sandy: She called us sluts…We are not…

Mandy puts her hand over Sandy’s mouth.

Mandy: Sandy shut up…you are at the Lust Package. It is customary to call people names here. This is the dirtiest fucked up bar in the city. I have no idea why Beth wanted to come here.

Sandy: Oh…I will have tall glass of milk with ice.

Waitress: OK…and for you temptress?

Mandy: Sandy…I can never figure you out…milk with ice with the fuck? Give me a cum shot….with extra cream. Our friend that is in the restroom wants a Vodka straight.

Waitress: Right away mistress….right away!

Ten minutes later. The waitress brings them their drinks, and Beth comes and sits down.

Sandy: Where were you Beth?

Beth: I was in the restroom taking a dump…when I had to get myself off reading the writing on the wall. There was a man and a woman doing it in the stall next to me they had body paint on…it kind of made me hot. Their moans made crap even faster.

Sandy: Where is Lusta?

Beth: She is running a little late. She had some business to attend to…she will be here in a little while.

Mandy: Oh, crap Edwin just came in with Mark GreenBill.

Beth: Mark GreenBill the actor?

Sandy: No…Mark GreenBill  the celebrity psychiatrist.

Mandy: Oh, yeah I forgot Edwin is working as a bodyguard. That explains why he came in here. Hurry…you have got to hide me.

Beth: What the fuck are you doing Mandy?

Mandy: I am hiding under the table. What the fuck…there are two people doing it under our table.

The People: Damn you…we were just about to cum…together for the first time. (crying)

Mandy: Get a damn room if you don’t want to be interrupted, fucking horny bastards. You better be using birth control we wouldn’t want you two procreating!

The People: Fuck you….

They get up and walk away….

Sandy: Oh, I think they saw my see through panties under the table…I have a huge bush right now.

Beth: Sandy…I just don’t get you sometimes. There is nothing wrong with having a bush…it is totally natural!

Sandy: Mandy, Edwin is coming over to the table with that guy.

Edwin: Hello, ladies have you seen Mandy? Tell her hi for me. I love her. I need love. Love. Love. Please she is the woman of my dreams.

Beth: Bring in the violins, and let the river of tears flow! Edwin take a hint she doesn’t like you.

Sandy: Yeah, Edwin.

Edwin: She would love me if she would only give our love a chance. It will be the truest love ever! I need her so bad (crying)!

Beth: True as a politician on election day.

Edwin: You don’t know true love like I do. You are such a…

Mark GreenBill: Move over Edwin.  Hello ladies…I am Mark GreenBill celebrity psychiatrist. You will never meet a man like me. I am smart and all knowing. I know what all the celebrities need.

Beth: Why don’t you treat Edwin he is fucked up in the head.

Mark GreenBill: He doesn’t make enough money, and isn’t popular enough for me to treat him. I only treat people that have power and prestige…and good insurance.

Beth: You totally define a person that is in it for the money. 
Mark GreenBill: Haven’t you seen my wonderful show? A well known celebraty got me my show, I only went on his show a few times and the rest is history.

Beth: Yeah…Yeah I have seen your crappy show…but fortunately for me I changed the channel.

Mark GreenBill: Oh, you did well I have healed half of Hollywood and everyone comes to me and you know what my solution is…it is rehab. Yes, rehab where all the magic happens. But, you know what I do first? I charge them three thousand dollars to tell them they need rehab.

Beth: Why don’t you get lost.

Mark GreenBill: No, I am going to sit at your table, because you see I am from Hollywood and I am above the law. I am a star…and you know what stars do they can be assholes anytime they want and people think they are being funny (he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he).

Beth: I am warning you. You better get lost.

Mark GreenBill: No! I won’t I am a doctor for the stars a man that always gets what he wants.

Edwin: He can do what he wants…Beth. I will stop you if you try anything funny.

Beth: Edwin your dick is so small a bacteria has to jack you off and then you can’t cum.

Edwin: No it doesn’t. I won’t listen to you. My package is fine. My package is the best…I am big I tell you. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Beth: You keep telling yourself that.

Edwin runs out!

Beth: One gone…one more to go.

Mark GreenBill: What did you do to him? I guess he needs counseling. What is your name women? I’m Mark. Do you want to dance.

Sandy: Sandy (he, he, he, he, he, he, he) OK!

Beth: Sandy what are you doing?

Sandy: What does it look like I am doing? I am dancing the night away.

Beth: Fine…but watch your ass!

Mark GreenBill: Yeah…Sandy you better watch your ass I might kiss it later. I am Mark GreenBill…celebrity psychiatrist the richest man in Hollywood.

Beth: Are you stoned, or just a really bad egoist.

Mark GreenBill: I can tell you right now that I am not stoned.

Mark and Sandy dance.

Mandy: Is Edwin gone? Beth, please tell me that the bastard is gone.

Beth: Yeah, he is gone.

Mark and Sandy dance the whole night. Lusta Golden shows up and Beth and Mandy drink more and more. Lusta Golden just moves to the music. Mandy hands Lusta Golden her car keys.

Beth: I am so…messed up.

Mandy: Me too. Lusta Golden I am glad that you are driving home.

Lusta Golden: No…problem thy women.

Beth: Where the fuck is Sandy?

Mandy: I don’t know! Thought she was dancing with Mark GreenBill!

Beth: We have to find her she is like mush in Mark’s arms…we have to save her from is egoist motives.

Mandy: Egoist motives…ha, more like lust motives. That guy is a fucking slut!

Beth: You can say that again. I am so drunk! (burp, burp, burp, burp!)

Mandy: Me too! (burp)

Beth: Lusta ask those freaks if they saw where Sandy went! (burp!)

Lusta Golden: They are not freaks. They are my kind of people!

Lusta walks over to the two dancing freaks, both are wearing latex masks, and body suits!

Lusta Golden: Did you see where our friend went?

Freak one: They went up stairs man…to the hotel! Can you pay me…I need five bucks for a cab fare.

Lusta Golden: Fine…here is five bucks!

Freak two: I know what room they are in…another five bucks please.

Lusta Golden: OK…here is another five bucks?

Beth: Damn this whole society…nothing is free anymore. Everyone wants something for nothing!

Freak Two: They are in room twenty-two! That is known as the fuck room. You have to know the damn code to get in there…man!

Beth: Do you know the code? My friends sanity and health are at stake.

Freak one: No one knows the code. No one! I  wouldn’t even attempt to go in room twenty-two!

Beth: We are going, and you are coming with us!

Freak One: I told you all I know…man! I swear on the vomit that I will hurl tonight.

Freak Two: He means it man! He will hurl, and he will swear tonight that he doesn’t know the code.

Lusta Golden grabs the freaks, because Beth and Mandy are too drunk! They can’t take the stairs so they have to take the elevator. They walk past the desk clerk.

Desk Clerk: Hey, where  are you people going? You can’t go back there, those rooms are private.

Lusta Golden: Yes, we can! Our friend is back there…we have got to save her.

Desk Clerk: Look…I don’t give a fuck about your friend…only VIP people are allowed back here. Do I have to call security?

Beth: Screw VIP, VIP mentality only breeds oppression and injustice!

Desk Clerk: You back off bitches! You back….

Lusta pulls up her skirt and flashes her pussy at the desk clerk. He becomes hypnotized and falls under her spell of lust!

 Desk Clerk: That is the most beautiful pussy that I have ever seen. I want it! I want it! Please, I have to have it! Oh, I am in pain! (thump)

The desk clerk falls under Lusta Golden’s spell of lust, and slowly slides to the floor!

Lusta Golden: Hurry…hurry! He is under my spell of lust! It will wear off in a few minutes, and then he will be his evil self once again.

Freak One: That was some pretty cool shit…how did you do that?

Lusta Golden: Pussy power…pussy power my dear freak!

Freak two: That is some power!

Mandy: You can say that again! (burp)

Beth:That is my lover! (burrrrrrrrrrrrrp) Damn that Vodka!

They find room twenty two, and bang on the door! Freak number one types in the code, the door opens. Freak one and Freak two make a run for it!

Freak One: We are out of here!

Freak Two: Hell…yeah! See ya!

Lusta Golden: We don’t need them anyway!

Beth: What the hell is this? There is fur all over the walls, and flashing lights everywhere!

Mandy: There is Sandy on that big fuzzy purple bed! (burp)

Lusta Golden: Unhand the fare woman you male slut!

Mark GreenBill: No, she is mine to have and to control…I am going to get someone to control before this night is over (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)! I purposely had them get you drunk farting College Women so I could get..some time with your friend Sandy! You are too drunk to fart on me now! I am above the law…my law!

Mandy: We are pretty damn drunk, but I am not afraid of you! I think I am going to throw up!

Mark GreenBill: No, one can protect your friend  now…we are in love! It is only a matter of time before she is mine, and you can do nothing about it!

Sandy: What are you doing? We are in love. In the deepest love. He says we are getting married, and moving to an island of dreams.

Mark GreenBill: Yeah, I just want someone to love. Love is all that  Iwant! I am not going to hurt your friend…just control her! (Wooooooooooooooooooo, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Lusta Golden: This guy is about to piss me off!

Beth: Hey, were are you going?

Mark GreenBill: I am taking her to my love chamber….and we are going to consummate our love!

Sandy: He was telling me that he wants us to have a world of love.

Lusta Golden: Unhand her…you jerk!

Mark GreenBill: No!

Beth: That is it!

Beth takes off her pants and pushes Mark on to the bed, and puts her ass in his face, but she can’t fart.

Beth:  I can’t fart…what is happening to me! AAAAAAA!

Mark Green: I had them add some anti-fart solution to your drinks you can’t fart ever again!!!! (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha) Oh, your ass smells so sweet like a spring day in April! (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)!

Mandy: Oh no!

Lusta Golden: Oh….shit!

Sandy: I love you mark!

Will Beth get her gas back or will Mark GreenBill win, find out in the next episode of The Farting College Women: The Adventure at the Lust Package.

FIN for now!

The Farting College Women: Lust fills Sandy’s mind…Oh shit!

21 01 2008

WARNING: Adult Material. Adult Content. Adult Language. Adult Theme. 

Note: The names are fictitious…and refer to no actual person. It is just a story! Enjoy!

In every group there is one person that doesn’t like to talk about sex…and in the farting college women Sandy is that person. In this episode Sandy finds herself all alone in the apartment. Beth and Lusta Golden are out on a date, and Mandy well she is working. Sandy finds herself surfing a dating site called…”I bet I can tell you a lie about my cheating self”. She looks through several guys photos, and finds a guy that she might want to meet.

Sandy: I wish Mandy and Beth were home. I am sure lonely. I think I will turn on my computer and look for a friend. Hey, I am a women with needs. Let me do a search…hmmmm this site looks good “I bet I can tell you a lie about my cheating self”. I better take a shower. I am so hot and sweaty. I will go back to the computer after I get out.

Sandy takes off her clothes and jumps in the shower. The water feels good against her soft skin. She washes her body, and then gets out. She wraps herself in a towel, and turns on the TV.

TV Commerical: (women’s sexy voice) Are you looking for love? Have you been dumped…or has someone taken a dump on you? Do you want to meet the love of your life…or at least a love right now? What are you waiting for logon to “I bet I can Tell you a lie about my cheating self”. We promise you will find love in  two seconds, because we know you are desperate as hell…and will do anything to find love even if it means lying about it. We don’t care if you have been married seven times, or are a psycho. All we care about is the money…and as long as you pay your bill…we won’t tell the world about your dirty fucked up past.  We believe that everyone deserves a second chance, and a third chance, and a fourth chance…at love.

Here are two members that found love…Jack…and…Jane.

Jack: I was lonely, but when I logged on to I bet I can tell you a lie about my cheating self, I found love in just two seconds. Hell, I didn’t know that she was an addict, and had been married five times.

Jane: Jack has become my obsession. I just can’t get him out of my mind, even though he is fifty- thousand dollars in debt with credit cards and been married ten times. Get over here…I need love Jack. I need love! Here Jack do you want to suck my tits…what about my ass! You want to suck my ass don’t you,  then I am going  shit on your face Jack because it is a symbol of love and trust Jack.

Jack: No, I don’t want to suck your tits or your ass! I want out of here! Please someone help me, she is sticking her ass on my nose! Oh, it smells…it smells!!! Oh, she is taking a crap on my face!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Jane: You are making me cum Jack!

Sexy woman’s Voice: See that is pure passion. Jane wants to give him love, and she wants him to show it by sucking her ass and letting her drop a big shit on his face. They are so cute together. And trust me there are no psychos here, because we check each an every member out…oops I lied (he, he, he, he, he, he). We are only in it for the money, so sign up no matter who you are, he, he, he, he, woo ha, ha!! Oh, I guess you could lie, but why when you can have true love today. So join people like Jack and Jane and find good old fashion love today.

Sandy: That looks like an interesting site…I might join it today. I need a username, and then setup my profile. Then the men will know that I am lonely and want a man. Wait didn’t Beth say something about those dating sites?

Beth (voice dream like echoing): What the fuck are you doing going to those dating sites? Those sites will make you blind…there are fucking people on there that make politicians look like saints…lying psychos.

 Sandy: I guess I could use my credit card just this time. Beth isn’t home anyway, and besides I am a grown woman. I can take care of myself.

Sandy gets a username, and creates a profile, and in fifteen minutes she has thirty replies from men all over the world. She just blushes, and looks at all men that have sent messages to her.

Sandy: Womanseeker12345, that looks like a nice guy, and he lives in the same city as me. He says that he likes to workout and likes quiet evenings alone under the covers with wine…and stuff.  He also says that he is looking for the woman of his dreams, and he is honest and sincere. I will e mail him back…I sure hope that I don’t open up a can of worms. I have to ask myself this question…if he is honest and sincere then how come he is listed on this site, and is not with anyone hmmmmm?

Just as Sandy is finishing her message to womenseeker12345_AD  Mandy comes home. Sandy doesn’t want anyone knowing about her conquest.

Mandy: Sandy, I am home!! What are you doing?

Sandy: Nothing…oh nothing. I am just surfing the Internet for beauty products!

Mandy: I didn’t just see you looking at a dating site? You know what happened to me…it was terrible.

Sandy: I just sent off a message to a guy who calls himself womenseeker12345_AD he is a real dream boat.

Mandy:You know better than to be communicating with a man that calls himself womanseeker12345…he probably is a shit bomb.

Sandy: You don’t know anything about my man! He is sincere and honest. Does that sound like anyone that is a shit bomb? Well…does it!

Mandy: Yes, I am afraid so…Sandy. I am afraid so… 

Sandy runs to her room. Mandy runs after her.

Mandy: Sandy…I am sorry. I am just watching out for you. You know that love is dangerous. I just don’t want you to get hurt.

Sandy: Please, go fuck yourself Mandy. Why is it that you and Beth always get the dates and I don’t? You fucking bitches.

Mandy: Your question comes in two parts. Part one, I am going to my room and I am going to fuck myself with my new Vibrator with pulsating head, and I am going to cum…five times. The other part of your question is you have always been the one that watches out for us…so it is time that Beth and I watch out for you.

Sandy: Thank you…Mandy! But, I need to make my own mistakes. I need to reach out and get my own sunshine or darkness which ever comes my way.

Mandy: I am still going to watch out for you. Well, I am going to my room, and getting naked and sticking my new Vibrator up my love hole, and cumming all night long.

Sandy: OK…see you later.

Mandy: Later…bitch!

Mandy goes to her room and shuts the door. Beth comes running through the door all pissed off.

Beth: Those fucking pharmaceutical bastards!

Sandy: What are you pissed off about?

Beth: Lusta, Golden and I were having a nice dinner, when one of my friends came over to us and told us about the tragedy in his life. He needs medicine and his insurance will not pay for it. He is real sick. The medicine costs three hundred dollars a bottle. The damn insurance company and that pharmaceutical company are fucking each other and we the consumers are getting their leftover cum juice. I am going to do something about this…

Sandy: What do you want me to do about it, companies have more power than me. I am just a poor college student…with no insurance.

Beth: I want to vent. The only people that can pay for certain medicines are the rich people. The rest of us have to suffer. Damn this world is so unfair.

Sandy: You know the world is ruled by pharmaceutical companies, and companies that are in it for the money. They give out the medicines and we pay…it is just as simple as that.

Mandy: Oh, fuck you have big cock! Oh…I fucking love it! Give it to me! Give it to me…yeah that is it!!

Beth: What the fuck is that?

Sandy: It is Mandy fucking herself with her electronic fuck stick!

Beth: Mandy would you shut up I am venting here.

Sounds come from Mandy’s room.


Beth: Mandy…keep your lust to yourself. I am talking to Sandy.

Sandy: There is nothing that we can do…it seems that money takes the place of life…it seems that companies have all the say. We are just seen as paying customers to their plans of world domination.  I don’t have time to talk to you. I am waiting for a phone call.

Beth: Sandy? What is wrong…a phone call from who?

Sandy: A guy.

Beth: Sandy…do you have a date?

Sandy:Yeah, he seems pretty nice. He likes to workout, and spend quiet evenings under the covers, and wants to find the woman of his dreams.

Beth: That sounds like a canned document profile on some dating site from a desperate man. You haven’t met him in person…have you?

Sandy: No…I haven’t but he will be emailing me soon. He seems really nice. Don’t say anything, Mandy has already told me about online dating sites.

Beth: I am not going to argue with you about that. You are a grown woman!

Sandy: Why did you come home so soon if it wasn’t to tell me that I am a bad woman for going to a dating site.  

 Beth: I came back here for a change of clothes, I am spending the night at Lusta Golden’s house. We are going to do some dancing in the sheets…if you know what I mean.

Sandy: Sounds pretty serious…I wish I were dancing in the sheets. You must be in love.

Mandy (from her room): Buy a vibrator…no fuss all the lust with no drama, and no mess in the sheets. And you won’t have to clean love juice off your tits, or ass or belly or face or hair or…!

Beth:  Shut up Mandy we get the point! Yes, I am in love.

Mandy: Oh, Beth come back to bed! I want to see your pussy!

Beth: Shut up Mandy…don’t make me come back there and spank you!

Mandy: Oh, that would be nice…lover!

Bath: I am not listening…Mandy! Well, I will see you…be careful Sandy! I will give you this advice: If he wants to do you on the first date, or if he wants to make you feel sorry for him and then do you on the first date..send him home packing. He only wants one thing. 

Sandy: Yes, I will take your advice.

Beth walks back to her room and gets her clothes, and tells Mandy and Sandy  goodbye. The door closes and all is quiet. Sandy goes to her room and watches some TV.  In an hour or so, Sandy gets an email from womenseeker12345_AD! The messages reads:

Hello Sandy. I have been wanting a woman like you. Meet me at Club Scratch tomorrow night for a good time…I well be waiting. I will be in a blue suit and tie. Womenseeker12345_AD

The feeling of lust filled Sandy’s Mind. She is excited. She is glad that she has a date even if she got it using a dating site. But, then she questions his message…why hadn’t he used his real name? And why did he want to meet at club Scratch. That place is a restaurant, but it is known for it’s dancers of the night that are dressed like cats. The top half is of their suit looks like a cat, but they don’t wear anything from the waist down.

 Sandy went to bed that night thinking about the date. The next day she went to class, and came home and got ready for the night out.  The day had gone by really slow, and the anticipation was too much to bare. There was no one at home. Beth was at work, and Mandy was in class. She had no one to talk to…about the date.

She took a taxi to club Scratch which as about twelve blocks from the apartment. The cab left her in front of the Club. She paid the cover charge, and went to the restaurant side. The music was loud, and the place was full. She looked around and didn’t see anyone wearing a blue suit and tie. Then one of the waitresses came up to Sandy and told her to come with her. The waitress had a cat mask on and cat top, but nothing on below her waist. Sandy was at a nude bar.

Sandy followed the waitress to a private booth and there he was womanseeker12345_AD. It was Rick Landerson…a politician running for public office. He had two other women setting next to him…half naked.  She knew this date was too good to be true.

Rick Landerson: Hello…Sandy! I hope this place is to your liking! We have been waiting for you! You see I have to have release. I have a huge schedule of ass kissing the public, and well women are my…release. Come over here and give me some sugar.

The two women laugh!

Sandy: You are married! Why are you doing this? You are a pig! You lie to the public, and you lie to your wife! I am leaving… you bastard.

Rick Landerson:Oink. Oink. Lover! Come back here, my wife is out doing charity work, she doesn’t give me loving anymore (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!) She knows nothing about being poor, she wants everyone to think that she cares. The more charity she does the more voters I get…it is a symbiotic relationship.  Where are you going Sandy? Stay…please! I wouldn’t want you going public with what you already know!

The three laugh!

Sandy: Don’t fuck with me I am a member of the farting college women and we get each others back!

Rick Landerson: Oh…whatever! You three are just an urban legion! Come here and sit down! I have ordered fish eggs and salad for everyone with tax payers money! Damn I am smooth! You will stay for dinner…Sandy! You and your middle class paid for it! (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)

Sandy: You can’t do this…I am not your piece of property! I am human being unlike you!

Rick Landerson: Tonight you belong to me! You see we politicians paint an image that is squeaky clean and immortal. People look up to us like we are super human, and that we are flawless.  To my public I am flawless…I am so fucking cool! I am so above the law! I am so fucking rich!

Sandy: I will stay with you!

Rick Landerson: That is a good woman! I need your cell phone…you will get it back when I have brainwashed you into believing that infidelity is king! Tonight when you leave you will be a voter (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha).

Sandy presses the farting college women distress button when she hands Rick Landerson her phone.

Sandy: I don’t think so…Dick!  

Rick Landerson: Come over here and sit with me! I want you to meet someone! This is Edwin my body guard! If you try any funny stuff he will stop you! He will stop you (ha, ha, ha, ha)!

Sandy: Oh, that piece of crap. He is a coward stalking psycho ass! He dated my friend Mandy once and he won’t stop calling! He says that she is the love of his life, and they only went out once. He even cries on the phone!

Edwin: I have changed now! I am not the man that I used to be…well that is what my profile says at “I lie to get love and I can’t tell the truth”.

Rick Landerson: I take you know him.

Edwin: I had to go to counseling because of her friend Beth…she farted on me! But, I am all good now!

Rick Landerson: So, Sandy is a member of the Farting College Women…she isn’t lying! Where are you other friends Sandy? They can’t help you now….give me sugar! I want you to get me off!

Rick unzips his pants. The other two women start kissing each other, and Rick Landerson directs Sandy to please him.  Sandy looks around and sees Beth, Mandy and Lusta Golden. Mandy has the video camera that is connected via a wireless connection to the local  media. Beth and Lusta Golden confront Rick Landerson.

Beth: Not, so fast Rick Landerson! You zip up your pants before there is hell to pay!

Rick Landerson: Hell, I have been there. I have sold myself to the highest bidder…I am slut to power and money! Money and control! Edwin get them!

Edwin: Yes, sir!

Edwin runs at Mandy, but doesn’t far!

Mandy: You are poor excuse for a man Edwin. You suck…your dick is so small that you have to have a flea get you off!

Edwin: Shut up Mandy…my cock is the biggest you will ever see!

Mandy: No it’s not!

Edwin: Yes, it is…ahhhhhhh!

Edwin walks away!

Rick Landerson: Edwin get back here, and get in the flight man. Am, I going to have to do this alone!

Beth: It looks like it… you bastard. We have all this on film: you trying to get someone to service you…now you must pay! And you are not going to get any change back!

Rick Landerson: I can get the tape! You have nothing on me!

Mandy: Yes, we do! We had a live feed right to the studio! Your career as a public official is finished. Your wife is on the way..she knows about your slut “adventures”.

The two half naked women sitting on Rick Landerson’s lap get up a scurry to the door and leave.

Rick Landerson:What are you going to do? I can pay you all…beyond your wildest dreams!

Beth: It isn’t time to pay us…it is time to pay up!

Rick Landenson: What are you doing? What are you doing…you are taking your pants off! No! I will be good!

Beth: I know you will be! I know you will be (ha, ha, ha, ha)

Beth Removes her pants and sits on Rick Landersons nose…and you all know what happens next!

Rick Landerson: please…all I wanted was a little release. I just wanted Sandy to give me a good time!

Beth: You wanted wrong…now I am going to fart on your face.

Rick Landerson: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beth’s Ass:ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! POOOO!
IIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! BBBBBBBaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Rick Landerson: It smells…it smells! It burns!!! It burns!!!

Beth: My work is finished here! Let’s go watch a movie..ladies!

Sandy: Yeah..

Mandy: Yes, I agree!

Lusta Gold: Yes…I would love to see a movie!

The whole club stinks, so everyone left until the smell cleared! Rick is rushed to the hospital with burns on his face and head. They also had to surgically remove a piece of corn that got stuck in his face, because Beth’s ass reached terminal velocity! He is also getting counseling for his traumatic experience. His wife left him and his career is washed out!


The Farting College Women: Beth’s sweet pussy…poem?!!

16 01 2008


Beth: Hello everyone, this is a poem that I wrote just for fun.

Sandy: What is it about…Beth?

Beth: It is about my pussy…because it is the most beautiful of all.

Mandy: You are so vain…but I like it.  

Sandy: You are making me blush!!

Mandy: On with it Beth…let’s hear about your muff.

Beth: OK, here goes nothing.

I love my pussy because it is so fine,
because my pussy is so divine.  
I love to look at it all the time,
my sweet pussy of mine.

My pussy is hairy.
My pussy is strong.
My pussy will never be long, or
compared to like male ding-dongs.

I love to wash it in the shower.
I love it because it is a symbol of  power.
I love to go naked every hour.

You can forget cocks.
You can forget balls.
You can forget muscles.
You can forget all that testosterone sorrow.

My pussy is mine.
My pussy is hard to define.
My pussy is me…that is not weak, but alive.

My pussy shall overcome all.
My pussy shall never fall.
My pussy is the most grand one of all.